I got my medical notes and took a long time trying to work out in my head everything that happened. My breakthroughs came through firstly meeting with a hospital midwife to debrief the birth, reading through my notes and talking to DH and finally when i sat down with a private midwife and went thorugh my notes. The meeting with the private midwife was where i found the greatest clarification.

During my 2nd pregnancy, issues from my first birth arose and after working through them i feel so much lighter. I had done alot of thinking earlier, but i think time and facing birth again helped me to dissect and bring out all my concerns and then be able to work through them and come to greater acceptance. Not acceptance of the things that had happened unneccessarily, but acceptance that i was ok and that i could go on and be healthy and happy.

take care