Oh hun you poor thing, it so hard to be optimistic when your first experience was so yuk. My first birth was a vaginal birth but less than ideal (for what i wanted) so the second time round i was really scared. So i took charge of my fear a bit and looked at my options, I did a hypnobirthing course which totally helped me relax and also let go of some of my fear from the first birth. I had a fantastic experience, no pain relief and felt totally calm they whole way through.
Now I have never really been "into" that sort of thing but seriously it was fantastic. I felt calm, in control and relaxed the whole way through, whereas in my first birth i felt like i was completely out of control at one point and i really got stressed about that feeling.
Good luck and i really hope you can find something that works for you
xxx