A few months ago I was asked by one of the my shared care MW's how I would feel if I had a first year student MW attend my birth. I told her that it was fine provided I was not left alone with her to which they assured me I wouldn't.
It was explained to me that the Student MW would be keeping in contact with some follow on phone calls and would probably attened a few of my appointments.
She has rung once ... thats it.
I told her during our phone conversation that she was more than welcome to come along to my appointments, afterall its ALL experience isn't it!
SO anyway, I have heard nothing from her since.
At my last MW appointment the MW I saw was seriously unimpressed by the girls lack of follow up. The girl is meant to follow up to establish a connection with the mum afterall, birth is a very special and sacred thing. MW pretty much said she will take the girl off my "call in" list because she not showed the slightest bit of interest in establishing a connection etc.
I told the MW that pretty much the girl would just be observing anyway and I was unlikely to care if she was there or not providing she kept out of my way
But the MW was insistant that the girl had failed to fulfill her duties and therefore didn't think she should be there.
Part of me feels badly that this young woman could potentially miss out because of her inexperience BUT part of me agrees with the MW,why should I put my birth up for observation to someone who really doesn't seem interested.
Now I do have this young womans phone number but honestly its HER education and her responsibility to do the follow up as its part of her training.
SO,
What would you do?
Would you still allow her to observe your birth knowing that she has made no effort to establish a relationship with you like she was suppose to
OR
Would youjust tell the MW to scrub her name and number off your "call in" list because afterall she is practically a stranger.
I am fortunate enough to know WHO will be at my birth, I have one exceptional MW who is also a trusted MCHN and a friend, my DH, AND one of 4 MWs from my shared care program.
I feel bad for the girl but if she is training to be a MW she needs to learn what a special and important role it is and the connection between MW and mother. If she makes no effort then really should I be putting myself out there for her.
Nae I think it is fine for you to not invite her to attend. Many of my student friends have developed great relationships with their follow through women and still not been invited to attend because the woman wasn't comfortable at the time, so if you don't think she has earnt the privilege I don't think you should feel obligated to extend an invitation.
TBH I felt similarly about the one who was following me, like she showed less interest / paid less 'attention' to me because i already had my own resources etc being a student myself. Lucky for me I didn't have to worry about whether to invite as she was on holidays at the time interstate.
I don't feel obligate to have her there, I am just not sure she realises what a privilige to attend ANYONES birth even if she is just observing. She is relatively young too I'd say maybe 20 years in age.
Part of me wants to cut her a break its for her benefit for her to observe as many different types of births. But then if she cannot do her "job" so to speak, does she deserve the break ...
I don't know. I get so tunnel visioned when I am in labour I won't know who is there ... like the whole world just disappears and I am left in my world of pain and moaning
Ultimately I know its my decision ... but I am just wondering if faced with the same position whether others would cut the kid a break and have her there or not because she has not done her duties?
If she hasn't bothered to make any serious connection with you then I'd uninvite her. You are about to do something so amazing and you need people around you when this happens that you want there and have a connection with.
It isn't like having a pap smear and having the nurse ask if it is ok if you've got student nurses in there with them so they know the best way to do it without hurting you. This is you birthing a wonderful child into this world!
i had a great student midwife who stayed in touch during my first pregnancy, and due to things happening with me, i didn't let her know that i was in labour. There was never an obligation on me to invite her, and she visited me after and we have stayed in touch since. In other circumstance, it may have been great for both her and i for her to have been there. For someone who has shown no interest, i would not invite her. no-one gets a free pass to my births.
Having birthed with strangers, I would not be in a hurry to repeat the experience myself. It is a privilege to be with a birthing mother and if she really wanted to do it then she'd have made more of an effort, I think. If she wanted to get back on board, attend appointments etc then I'd probably allow that, but I'd still probably be disinclined to allow her to attend the birth.
Think of what it might just teach her about if u don't let her come... Yes it might upset her, but possibly it could offer her the chance to learn about what it takes to be "with woman". She might self reflect and realize she has been slack with u and know she needs to do more. Something that might stay with her later in her career. If u just let her get away with that level of commitment u will teach her another lesson. Who knows if something is going on in her life that has distracted her. It may not be her fault, but all the same I don't believe u are necessarily helping her by protecting her from a valuable lesson. One that other women may thank u for in the future. I suppose she may also re contact u and try to make amends and then it is up to u to decide I u feel that she has learnt a special lesson.
Nope cross her out, she has responsibilitys with the follow through program and she has not reached them. I have worked with some awesome mid students and some cruddy ones who get people to sign up and do nothing more after consent form is signed. Its her loss and you don't need to feel bad on her part.
I agree with Bella29 - there are consequences for your behaviour, and she needs to learn that lesson now. It's not mean, it's just 'logical consequences' and you will be teaching her more, by letting her learn this life lesson - there will be plenty of opportunities for her to see other births.
I agree - I've got a student midwife following this pg through, since she started, she's missed all of 1 appointment, and we've caught up a couple of times. She's done personal research into VBACs, delayed cord clamping, physiological third stage etc (all the stuff I want). She's gone above and beyond to be helpful and engaged in the process (more than DH sometimes!). Admittedly, she is also a friend, but she's taken this very seriously, at the same time as managing a full time course load and two children (1 y-o and a 2 y-o).
I think saying she's not welcome as you don't know her is a good thing for her, as it is a privilege to see a woman at her most vulnerable, and her most powerful and experience that sort of thing. I will be forever grateful to the woman who allowed me to witness the birth of her little one when I was a student nurse. One of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my life. Good luck!
Bella you are absolutely right and its something I had not considered ... what is she learning if she is given a free pass? how is she learning what her responsibilities are as a MW ... Yep I think I will ring the shared care Middies tomorrow and let them know to take her off my call in list. I feel bad for the girl but there is a lesson to be learned in all this ...
I do wonder if she has gone away or something though and would feel terrible if she was absent throughout due to no fault on her behalf I am a benefit of the doubt kind of person at heart
Still if she was going away it might have been courteous for her to let me or the MW's who she was under know.
I would scrub her off the list definitely. The last thing you want or need is having a face you have never seen before and only spoken to once, turning up at a time when you are at your most vulnerable, about to embark on a sacred journey. Surround yourself with love, not unfamiliarity, which is what she is really, this is an experience you cant go back and change so dont allow anything that you dont feel 100% comfortable with, in.
Student Doula - WWYD?
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I am a benefit of the doubt kind of person at heart 
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