Survey about how you feel about your birth + if you used drugs- please help!!

[Sunny Love]

My birth was at 37 weeks and was via induction. Induction number two (syntocin drip and ARM) worked a day after Induction number one failed (gels only)
So from you I need:
Did you use any drugs in your birth?
I sucked on the gas (and i'll do it again), for a couple of hours before having an epidural administered. No regrets with either.
Did you have complications during your birth?
DD did begin to distress just before crowning and the ob wanted to intervene with forceps or vaccum (both were brought out and put on table next to me as I was pushing-off putting!) I though "stuff that! i'll push harder and faster". She arrived safely and I suffered a 2nd degree tear that was stitched far too tight (I swelled beyong belief and ended up 'popping' open 4 weeks post-partum.
Did you experience any feelings of dissapointment, disempowerment and traumatisation?
Yes. I was disappointed that due to pre-eclampsia I did not get my natural onset of labour. I was disempowered by one midwife who said to me "I don't think you're going to cope, get the epi done now." I felt like such a failure. I was traumatised after birth by my tear. I couldn't walk for 12 weeks, my milk supply was low and I wonder if it was affected by my recovery. I felt like a useless mother and woman and felt huge waves of guilt suppress me.
Good luck with your studies!