Taking DD into the birthing room

[beansbeans!]

Hi all;

So Im thinking that our support person for DD has fallen through today. its a long story but it seems like its all too hard for her to get in here in time! And at the moment we cannot think of anyone to look after her, well anyone that we want to look after her anyhow!
So now we are thinking of taking DD into the birthing room with us. DH has said that he would be more than happy to look after her and me throughout, and if she needs to be taken out of the room than he would do that, he just wants to cut the cord really!

However, upon our first earlier on, the midwife told us that the hospital prefers it if children are not brought into the brithing room.

So DD is 2, I dont know how she will handle it, but than again i didnt know how I or DH would handle it the first time round....

can we take her in, should we take her in?
Also how can I prepare her in these final days before bub arrives?

Thank you

Justine

[Oorki Galoorki]

having her there will be wonderful!
we had ds there for dds birth (but we were at home)
we did have a support person for him though so that dh didnt have to cater for both of us..

[Lisa]

I had my 2yr old DS in there and he was fine. I did however have my older 2 children (15 & 12) to look after him as I needed DH and DH also caught the bub.
I wouldn't hesitate to take him into another birth though as he loved seeing his baby sister be born.

[fionas]

I think a lot would depend on the child - there's no way I would take DD in - not because I think it's inappropriate but because she would just find it really hard to be in there for hours on end and there's no way we could entertain her for that long so having her in there would be just another thing for me to worry about. But I guess it also depends on the length of the birth too - I always think in terms of hours and hours because I had a long one.

But as you're considering it, I'm guessing you've already thought about this and think that your DD will go OK. If you're still dubious though, maybe call the hospital, explain the situation and see if they've got any suggestions.

[Glamourcide]

My little girl is the same age as yours, and I briefly considered allowing her to be there to witness the birth of her little sister. It didn't take me very long to decide (quite strongly) against it, purely because *I* think that at that age, they're too young and don't yet have the capacity to understand why mummy's in so much pain, why the blood is no cause for panic, what those machines mummy's hooked up to are, etc... not to mention the fact that I *needed* my DH's attention focussed solely on ME, I couldn't bear it if he was constantly distracted by DD1 getting into mischief or panicking at the sight of me in pain or deciding she was hungry etc etc etc...

But, that's just my personal opinion and I have heard that lots of siblings and parents have amazing, positive experiences being present at the birth. I just didn't feel it was a good idea for *my* daughter to be there with DH and I, and she had a great sleepover with her nanny and poppy (we'd dropped her off earlier in the evening before we really knew anything was happening, so it wasn't like we woke her up in the middle of the night and dumped her at my parents' or anything) and in the morning came to see mummy and her new baby sister in hospital. We were lucky enough to go home that afternoon so the adjustment and bonding between them happened pretty much straight away.

I say if you think your daughter is up to the challenge, go for it! Just make sure you have a back-up plan in place just in case something goes wrong or your little one decides she's not happy being there in the thick of it all Good luck!

[Tinks]

I think it depends on the child. I had my 2 with me for a while while I was in labour, they weren't there for the birth though. DS (5 at the time) totally freaked out and couldn't deal with it at all while DD (3) was fine. If you think your DD could handle it by all means have her there. It's your labour and your decision - the hospital will just have to 'deal' with whatever decision you make.

[sasha]

We were looking at this when T was born, because we weren't sure if we were going to get our support person in time (or at all - it's a long story!) The plan was that M would have been with S in another room, and then would have come in after the baby was born. I didn't want him in the room with me when I was in labour or birthing - mostly because I didn't want to be distracted, wondering if he was OK.

Now he's older, if we had another baby, I still would prefer him not to see the birth, for the same reasons - I need to focus on my and not him (and I would feel torn between the new baby and him). I don't even know how my daughter would go - if I were giving birth now, she probably wouldn't be too distressed, but she's only 13 months, after all.

Saying that, you know your daughter best! And lots of children see their siblings' births and share a fantastic bond with them because of that. In the end, it's what will make things easier for YOU, so that you can focus on labouring and birthing, and if you feel happiest knowing she's nearby, then there's your answer. I think there's a few films around which help prepare children for being present at a birth - someone's sure to be able to point you in the right direction there

[Liz]

Maybe instead of looking for another carer for your DD, look into an extra support person for you, which would free up your DH to take her in and out as the need arises, but then you still have someone with you.

I was happy to have DS come in and out as he pleased.. but I went into prem labour, and he had been left with someone while we went to see the dr... but I didn't come home.. I gave birth instead LOL, so he didn't end up being with us!

I think it depends on the child and also what sort of state you expect yourself to be in. i think through the majority of labour I wouldnt' be freaking my kids out... the pushing stage could be a bit intense for them, and it would be distracting trying to reassure them whist trying to actually get the baby out! If your DD had to be taken out during that critical part of birth, then your DH could well miss it.

Is there someone you'd be comfortable for her to be with outside the labour ward (assuming you're going to hospital) then your DH can just take her out and come back in himself.

Sorry... thinking out loud.. hope I've made some sense LOL. All the best for your impending birth!

[AwesomeFoursome]

We had ds with us for the labour and birth of dd, he was 18months old. We were going to leave him with a neighbour but I didn't want to leave him when the time came. I laboured mostly at home so we were at the hospital for only 1.5 hours when I gave birth. We didn't have a support person for him. We took hot wheels cars, a portable dvd player and snacks for him. He just watched a dvd then played cars. He occasionally came over and checked me then went back playing. I am very glad he was there with us. When dd was born ds came over to meet his little sister, he gave her lots of smiles. He adores his sister and is very protective of her, I think him being at the birth helped him take to her so quickly. I was worried he would get scared or want me to look after him because he is a major mummy's boy but he was fine, it didn't worry him at all. If I decide to have any more kids I would like both ds and dd there. It was very positive experience having ds there and I'm so glad we took him. Best of luck with everything.

[chepie]

Justine - I am in the same boat as you hun!! My support person for DS has fallen through also! And my mum is a3 hour trip away (at least) so we are thinking that DS might be coming to the birth centre with us!! I am sure the hospital won't mind too much - things happen hey!!

ANyways good luck and thanks for posting this question as I too was curious about siblings being present at the birth xxxx

Look forward to reading your birth story

[beansbeans!]

Thank you all so much!

After I talked to our friend yesterday I had a major meltdown, I just couldnt believe that we were in this situation. Even though I have flirted with the idea the entire way through!! ;P

I plan on staying at home for as long as possible this time round, so realistically she will be in her own surrounding and capable of being occupied with her own things.
she has come to every one of our appts and she has been really good at all of them thus far. The only thing that she does at the end of every appt is want to give me a big cuddle, other than that she just sits and looks out the window!
I think I am pretty comfortable with having her in there with us. DH assures me that if she isnt handling it he is more than happy to take her out, and come back in with her when its time to cut the cord! Which doesnt worry me that much, Im a big girl and can look after myself!

Either way, it should be a very interesting birth experience!
Thank you again for your stories too!!!

Justine

[MantaRay]

My DS was 19 months and had to come to the hossy with us as I went into labour early and it was fast. A friend came to pick him up but the baby was born a few minutes later and I really wish we'd had him stay to watch. However, for a normal labour which takes a bit longer, I would think you'd need an extra support person - either for you or your DD. If your DD takes all your DH's time there'll be no one for you.

[Talia*L]

My sister, who has just turned 8, will attend our home birth. We are very close, and I think it will be a wonderful experience for her. She is really excited, after spending lots of time thoughtfully considering all the 'possibilities' such as lots of blood and noise and all that.

She is going to take photos, and will have my / our mother there as a support person for her. So we will have 2 indy midwives, a doula, my DH, my sister, my mother, and big enormous me! A lot of people in my apartment!

The only thing that bothers me is - I feel a bit like we are excluding my dad? I have no other siblings, so mum, sister, and I will all be there, and he will not. But it's already too many people haha!

[e_p]

I'm not sure how old your DD is, but I just thought I would let you know that I was there, at the age of 7, when my sister was born and it was the single most important and empowering moment of my life My mum and dad talked to me about what would happen in advance, we watched some videos of babies being born all together and we bought a present for me to give to the baby.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision - all the best with the birth of your beautiful baby

[BellyBelly]

This is a BRILLIANT article

Siblings At Birth: Should Children Be Allowed At Birth?