My first was a second degree tear - about 5 stitches on the perineum and one long labial stitch (by FAR the most painful)

My first was an induction with an epidural and my baby was only 6lb 14oz - by rights I NEVER should have torn BUT I couldn't feel a thing pushing and the midwives didn't direct me at all so went from crowning to out in less than a minute.

My second was nothing. Not even a graze. She was a completely unmedicated water birth and I pushed when I felt like it and I supported her head as she was coming out and slowing guided her shoulders and body - I didn't let the midwife lay one hand on me - I did what I felt needed doing and I am stoked I did.

This might sound dumb, but if you have a natural birth (completely drug free) you will feel what needs to be done. Get in a position that is positive to supporting your birth (I got on my knees in the bath) rather than flat on your back (which is where I was with my first) and your body will naturally do what it needs to.

IF you do tear - my saving grace was the water bottle when I pee'd - about 4 showers per day - and I was good to DTD 3 weeks after with minimal pain. Trust me, you forget it again in time for the next LOL