I think having a positive state of mind is great but I also think comparisons are facile and futile.
It is just as ignorant for a woman with a short labour to say, "oh, I just breathed through it and it was fine," as it is for a woman with a long labour to say, "oh, there is no way that anyone could/should get through labour without drugs."
It is not a matter of who has the higher pain threshold, the better state of mind - it is also about how long the labour is and how the baby is positioned. And no-one can tell you beforehand what effects that will have on the pain levels, the length of the labour etc.
If labour was some sort of mathematical equation we'd all go into it knowing how it was going to turn out. The reality is we don't.
Attitude and information are what make or break a person when it comes to birthing.
You have a fantastic attitude and if you continue to make informed choices you will not have any regrets.
What you said was brilliant!
I loved giving birth - yes it's intense but i loved it!!!!!!!!And so worth it.
[QUOTE=Dedicated Doula Gillian;1977950]Attitude and information are what make or break a person when it comes to birthing.
/QUOTE]
Honestly and truly, I don't think it is. I think it's most definitely helpful but it's not make or break. There are lots of women on here who had done their research and had the most positive frame of mind who went on to have labours that they didn't envisage. To say that it's just about attitude or information is extremely dismissive and condescending to women who have had difficult births and implies that if they'd had a better attitude or spent more time looking up information they would have had a better birth.
Like I said, there is absolutely no doubt that a positive attitude is extremely helpful but sometimes even the most positive attitude will not guarantee an intervention-free birth. Tell me how a positive attitude helps in a three day labour with a posterior baby. It may help for the first day, even the second day, but c'mon the third day is a bit bloody tricky.
I had 2 10lb babies.
First was induced, very painful labour, had gas, 2 hours of pushing.
Second, wasnt sure if it was proper labour until I was almost at transition, 5 minutes of pushing, still very apinfula nd me telling mw i didnt want to do it anymore.
I agree with you, I think it is productive pain, but not everyone sees it that way.
I don't want to turn this thread into a Fiona's debrief but I also went into it thinking of it as productive pain and that worked a treat for the first two days. By the third day I was seriously flagging. As my ob said to me beforehand, the LENGTH of the labour has a hell of a lot to do with it. I honestly don't know why women can't accept that their experience of labour may not be the same as someone else's.
Ya know, I reckon mindframe DOES help. It doesn't guarantee an outcome, and I never suggested this, nor will you find me doing so in the future - it's not what I'm saying in this post.
It helps how you come out of it. If you go in positive and self-affirming, relaxed and open, then I really do think it helps you deal with interventions, should they become necessary and your recovery. I've heard it said many times that had women not gone in knowing about how the body is working and what it's doing, they would have been more panicked and pretty broken when it 'went wrong'.
Fionas, I'm willing to bet you're not part of the 'panic brigade' of women who scoff at women who are positive, or tell them to 'get real' or 'good luck' - would you agree? And that's my point. Being open about the possibilities for great outcomes can also help you with the outcomes that eventuate from emergency or difficult situations.
Just putting that out there
Absolutely Mayaness - I went into my labour thinking "I will do my best." And I did. I'm very proud of my extremely long labour with a posterior baby (after also having severe SPD since week 28) even though ultimately I had an epidural and forceps (after six hours of sleep in three days and three hours of pushing).
But I think had I gone into it thinking "if I just stay positive I will have a drug-free birth" then I could have been really disappointed that it hadn't turned out the way I had hoped.
There is absolutely nothing that I would have done differently during my labour. My pain management techniques worked magnificently for two and a half days! I just think it is extremely naive to think that a positive mindset will mean a trouble-free birth. It may mean that you're more at peace with the outcome (as I most certainly am) but it does not mean that you won't have a long or difficult labour. To suggest otherwise is extremely condescending to those of us that have.
i totally agree that it is productive pain!!
i can actually say that i was never 'in pain' when i was in labour with DS2!!!
What makes a huge difference is definately your attitude
I remember when i was birthing DS2 head and it was a little ouchy saying to myself- "come on- bring it on!!" cause i knew that the more that i embraced it- the closer i was to seeing my baby!! I worked with my body rather than tensing up and against it
i firmly believe that my attitude and my knowledge helped me to the most amazing VBAC birth i could have dreamt of - drug free, quick, no intervention and complication free!!
Good on you *det*!
I was 3 cm 10 days before a finally gave birth - with plenty false stop starts and loosing parts of my plug along the way. I felt I wanted to gently ease into my labour and i also knew i had a posterior baby...so i knew gently does it...finally when my contractions got closer together I too said "come on- bring it on!!" simply because I had had enough so...
I also felt that "the more that i embraced it- the closer i was to seeing my baby!! I worked with my body rather than tensing up and against it".
I to do agree though with Fionas though on several points when she says:
"I just think it is extremely naive to think that a positive mindset will mean a trouble-free birth."...Being informed also means being aware that one can land up having a really long labour and that there can be complications and not everyone has a wondeful experience. Being informed is knowing all your options even if it means having a c-sec after having planned the total opposite.
And the right attitude means..."It may mean that you're more at peace with the outcome..." and "There is absolutely nothing that I would have done differently during my labour." No matter what the out come....
I love this "If labour was some sort of mathematical equation we'd all go into it knowing how it was going to turn out. The reality is we don't. "Each and every birth is different and it's being informed of those difference from one extreme to the next.
Mayaness put it so well " Being open about the possibilities for great outcomes can also help you with the outcomes that eventuate from emergency or difficult situations."" I don't understand why other women can't just say "it's actually great that you're positive about it; even if it doesn't go to plan, that positivity will serve you well with the outcome"...."
Jacp I agree with you to "As for it being a productive pain, absolutely!
I'd rather give birth than go to the dentist"
Last edited by Dedicated Doula Gillian; September 21st, 2009 at 07:21 PM.
TBH, I think it had more to do with how he said it - than what he said
Luce - you are every bit a woman and your body is built to do this, you are part of something women have been doing since the dawn of time and you will follow that path too.
But the best bit, that kept me going was this - women in other parts of the world don't have all this medical fandango, they go squat in the bushes ease their babies into the world and get on with it. Follow your instincts.
So that advice worked for me cos it was my brother - with his dancing eyes, full of sparkling energy and a big grin that reassured me how capable I actually was.
At that time I was surrounded by women that were having a ball telling me how bloody awful it was going to be.
I DID squat to have dd, I followed my instincts and she was born 8 pounds even and I had a tiny graze. I thought everyone was supposed to lie on their backs....
So it may have been a bloke that gave me the confidence but it was the way he made me feel about my upcoming birth. Empowerment can come from anywhere really, but it should come from our sisters and mothers first
Haven't read through the previouse posts yet, & I'm sure someone else has mentioned this, but the pain is not worse the bigger the baby!
It all hurts, no matter the size. All are different sizes & shapes, as are we, so avoiding birthing a bigger baby will not necessarily save you tears iykwim.
My 1st 7lb 5oz baby, head circ 50cm tore less than my 8lb 9oz baby with the same head circ, but DS at 8lb 7.5oz, head circ 52cm, didn't tear me at all...
I haven't had a c/s, or stitches, but I'd rather have tears down there & be able to move & hold my baby, than a c/s.
I really don't think what any of them said was right, or fair to you, who hasn't been through any of it yet.
(BTW, that is me, I have alot of respect for those who've had a c/s, as it is something I really don't think I could handle. Not the pain as such, the the fact that I hadn't birthed my child the way I'm supposed to. Again just me & my mentality. I believe that no matter how you birth your baby, its how you raise & love them that really counts )
Last edited by ~clover~; September 21st, 2009 at 03:57 PM.
Well.......dont know whether I should say anything as Ive had two small bubs, but honestly I agree with you (based on my 2 experiences) and I was s**t scared of having a c/s.
It's the kind of pain that you know is not going to go on forever, that each contraction is making it closer to the time you get to meet your little one.
For me, there was nothing better than believing in my ability and my body and knowing that I could do it. Seriously it made me feel like I'd become a woman after giving birth, not a girl anymore. I dont think that people who have c/s are any less of a woman but this is the way I felt and feel.
Good luck with your birth experience and hope it works out the way you want it to.
Registered User
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks