Is what I said stupid?

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

I was doing a party the other night, and these 2 women were chatting about birth. One has just had a baby, the other is about 25 weeks along. #1 said that bub was 8 pounds, so she was 'glad the doc cut her outta me' - #2 says she's told her OB she wants a caesar if bub looks bigger than 7 pound.

Obviously I didn't say anything at the time, but I mentioned it to my mum and sister last night, and said how I couldn't understand what they were saying. My sister goes 'I can understand it, labour HURTS you know!', and I said that yes, obviously it its painful, but it's a PRODUCTIVE pain. And they both cracked up laughing and made me promise not to say anything until I'd actually had a baby.

I know I don't have any experience, but did I come off as a twat?! I don't generally say anything, but they ALL sounded like birth pain should be avoided at all cost, and I don't agree with that!

*I'm open to honest replies, but PLEASE be gentle *

[Indadhanu]

Hmm, well what they said is dumb... c/s HURT LIKE HELL TOO! Yes labour hurts, but damn it, c/s wounds hurt for WAAAAAAAAAAY longer than labour does!

Yes, you're right, it IS productive.
Although, had you told me while I was in labour that its ok because its 'productive pain' I'd probably have knocked your head off your shoulders LMAO!

[Lulu]

I HATE it when people write you off in that kind of way.

Next time they laugh, remind them that you may not have gone through labour yourself but millions of women have - and the world would die out if labour pain was that bad...sheesh!

[MantaRay]

Hun, what you said is not stupid at all. It's very sensible - what is all this nonsense about big babies being more painful anyway? And 7 pounds isn't even big! I guess though that people who have BTDT are always going to think they know more than someone who hasn't. I am sure that once you've had a wonderful birth from all the knowledge and support you've gained on BB, you will have more credibility with your family.

[Winter]

Honestly.... kinda. Its just that I *knew* everything about labour & birth too before I had my baby... and its different for everyone. I know that you are getting educated about labour & birth and thats fantastic and I really hope that when its your turn that pain is productive, but for others it might just be pain.

[Turkish Delight]

SG what you said isn't wrong at all hun.

Im going to be gentle hun.

I have a zero pain threshold. I was sh*t scared of birth. Yes, i fell pregnant, it was my decision and i knew it had to come out somehow. I was praying for a c/s the day i got a BFP.

Fast forward 37 weeks, i began stressing at each OBs appt where i was told the head was down. I was freaking. Lucky at my 37 week checkup, i was told DS was transverse lie. I was over the moon. The had said the only he was going to come out was via c/s. That was the best news of my life.

For DD i chose to have a c/s - again scared of the pain. Don't regret any of my birth choices.

My 2 x c/s were great. I was up the next day for both of them and looked after my babies 24/7 even in hossie.

So i can understand if people are scared of the pain. I know it doesn't last forever, but some people have a real phobia. I just wish that females are allowed to choose their birth choices, whether it be vaginal, drug free, drugged up, elective c/s. It is their body, so they should choose. Of course medical advice should always be taken in tricky situations, but if you want a c/s from the start, then you should have one.

I hope you get your birth choice hun. I am waiting in anticipation for the day i read your pregnancy announcement

Just my

[2CheekyMonkeys]

i think if you said the exact same thing AFTER you have the baby no one would laugh at you. and i hope you still think the same way after bub comes along! :-) it is productive pain but it still hurts like hell! :-) i dont understand wanting a c-sect over a V birth either. it seems a lot scarier to me! and its kinda nice to go through all that hard work to get your bub. the other thing that doesnt make sense is it is gonna hurt no matter the size of the baby, bigger doesnt necissarily mean less pain. DD2 was bigger than DD1 and i coped with that labour a lot better! :-)

[Lulu]

I got the best advice from one person and it resonated with me through all my births. It was given to me by my BROTHER.

[*Belle*]

What you said wasnt dumb at all, you havent experienced labour yet, and your right it is a productive pain. I agree Henry G's book is good I read that and also did hypnobirthing too in my first labour.

To be honest with you I was in labour for 36 hours ending in emergency c/s , for me the labour was far more painful than the c/s and recovery, everyones experience is different, and chose with my 2nd baby never to go through it again and had an elective c/s. (Also for medical reasons)

[JellyBean]

Unfortunately these women sound very ignorant, uneducated and unempowered about the whole birth process and just what the female body is capable of. Labour certainly is productive pain, but the silly thing is, the painful part is the contractions (especially toward the end), not the actual delivery of the baby from the birth canal - that is nothing compared to the contractions - at least for me and other women I've spoken to!!
All this fear about a baby coming out of your vagina is ludicrous. Just turn on the discovery channel and you will see every mammal doing it - its natures way.
I would send them each a copy of Henci Goers Book - The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. They are probably completely unaware of the risks of a c-section - and how it can increase the chances of miscarriage and uterine rupture in a subsequent pregnancy, not to mention higher rates of PND due to the absence of endorphins, and feeding problems in the baby due to the antibiotic residue in breastmilk (necessary to prevent infection after c-section).
Oh - and another thing - all that stuff about having a big baby is another bulldust way to frighten women into a c-section. A 6 pound baby will often have the same head circumference as a 9 pound baby - a couple of pounds of meat on the arms & legs is not going to make an ounce of difference once the head has been birthed. The baby will look a little healthier, is all!!

[bon]

'Big' babies do not hurt any more than average sized babies. I have done both - I had two 7lb babies and then my third was 9lb. I can definitely say that my first birth hurt a lot less than the next two - but that is only because I had an epidural! Other than that, the pain was not worse with my third than my second. Labour hurts - full stop. But I would not be looking at a c/s as a way of avoiding the pain, after all it is major abdominal surgery - hardly pain free.

sg- I don't think what you said was silly, labour pain is productive pain. But it still hurts like hell - in a way that you won't understand until you experience it yourself (sorry if that sounds patronising, I don't mean it to, it's just that it's true) - and when you are in the thick of it, there will be a point where all you want is for it to stop. I guess these days, with all the pain relief options available to us, many women feel like labour pain is unnecessary, even though it is productive - why make yourself a martyr if you can have an epidural and feel nothing?

ETA - I agree with Jellybean, there is too much fear about vaginal birth. I do find it hard to understand how someone can be less afraid of having major surgery while they are awake, than of having their body do what it is designed to do and give birth vaginally. I am not saying that it's wrong to feel that way, I just don't understand it myself.

[MrsFabuloso]

I don't think it was silly at all. I think it's all the way people *think* of the pain of labour and birth. I was petrified of having a c/s, and thankfully I didn't have to. I was in pre labour with DS for almost 2wks, and gave birth in an hour. The pain of birth does not bother me. The pain of labour is more 'hurty' and annoying for me than actually giving birth. I was in labour for almost 24hrs with DD. I was threatened with a c/s and pushed like hell to get her out to prevent it. Luckliy it worked. To me the pain of a c/s would have been 100 times worse than the pain of labour and birth. BUt again that's just what I think. Maybe for those women, the thought of labour and birth is worse than the thought of a c/s. And for you and I, the thought of labour and birth isn't as bad as the thought of a c/s. Everyone is different.

[MantaRay]

New Active Birth is a great book too - it really helps you to know how to manage your birth to stop it slowing down and to best cope with the pain.

There are many different reasons why women choose c/s over vb, and choose pain relief during labour. Some of these are for very good reasons. But there are too many times when women who could have had a pain relief free vb don't - mostly due to fear (and with all the horror stories people tell, no wonder!) and also due to lack of information about how to position yourself to help the labour and breathe through the contractions. I wish I had known what I know now before I went into labour for the first time!

[tk1999]

I personally think you are right on the money... labour is a productive pain and that is what I kept telling myself during each and every contraction... that the pain was helping to birth my child.

It didn't make it hurt any less but it made me understand that the pain was for something rather than just being in pain - if that makes any sense

[Phteven]

C-sections hurt waaaay more than labour. Plenty of women labour without pain-relief but nobody in their right mind would contemplate a c-section without anesthetic.

[Ozziehoffy]

C-sections hurt waaaay more than labour. Plenty of women labour without pain-relief but nobody in their right mind would contemplate a c-section without anesthetic.

:yeahthat:

Absolutely!! Had both and personally I'd NEVER choose a c/s if given a choice!! - unless of course if there was a good medical reason.

[Fleur]

No what you said wasn't stupid just because your opinion isn't based on experience yet doesn't mean it's not valid and of course after you have been there doen that, people's opinions still differ.
I think it was pretty rude of them to write off what you had to say but then that's family I guess, mine can be the same sometimes

Personally I'd take the VB anyday I had my VBAC in July, she was 10lb8, I had a 2nd degree tear which healed in a matter of days & it was waaaaay easier recovery-wise than my CS.
I know there are women who tear & it takes longer to heal, and there are women who have CS & find their recovery time quite ok.

As for it being a productive pain, absolutely!
I'd rather give birth than go to the dentist

[Jac]

On the flip side, I had my MIL & SIL go on and on about how it's so natural to give birth and women do it all the time ect, ect. and the day my first child was born they came to visit saying "see, it's not that bad is it??" and I nearly burst into tears as I was traumatised by it! Time most definatley must muddle the brain as to how painful it is (was) - either that or I'm a wuss. I had no drugs/pain relief with either of my births, but I can totally understand why people would be scared and want c/s's to be honest. Also, a friend of mine has had both type of births and had more medical complications after her VBAC, including severe incontinence (bladder and bowel). So, each to their own with regard to choice and just becaue someone chooses/wants a c/s doesn't necessarily mean they are uninformed. I'm glad you didn't say anything to the ladies you overheard, but your mum/sis did sound a little patrionising towards you.
Good luck to you and I think, with your attitude, you will have a terrific birthing experience.