"Why men should NEVER be at the birth of their child"

[KatieRabbit]

An interesting article- food for thought.
Any thoughts? Opinions?

A top obstetrician on why men should NEVER be at the birth of their child | the Daily Mail

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[Nadine216]

Well, well ... interesting read. What he says make sense. Don't know if it's right or wrong, but I can see his point of view and thinking of some men .. and women ... I get what he is saying.

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Whilst i can see where he is coming from, i personally really disagree.
There is no way my labour would have been shorter without him.
It was especially the moments labouring at home that gave me the confidence to stay calm while in labour. DP gave me so much strength, so many words and so much of his time...
He did not act scared, shocked, anxious or uncomfortable. He knew what to expect, and even when we encountered the unexpected he was still by my side one hundred percent of the time.
Noone else could have given me that support... I know this as I had my mother & my grandmother present at the birth, and my mum tried, and she tried hard, but nothing could compare to the kind of connection that I had with DP during labour and the birth of DS.

I especially disagreed with the following...

Physically, in order to deliver the placenta with ease, her levels of oxytocin - the hormone of love - need to peak.

This happens if she has a moment in which she can forget everything about the world, save for her baby, and if she has time in which she can look into the baby's eyes, make contact with its skin and take in its smell without any distractions.

As much as you forget 'everything' once baby is born, I think I would be distraught that DP was not there with me.

The final question I would like to see answered is what, if a man is present at birth, will be the effect on the sexual attraction he feels towards his wife over the long term?

Also this - I would have thought a lot of men would see their partners as the ultimate, having been through so much to bring his much adored children into the world?

If I was to have been a single woman giving birth then of course I would not grieve for my partner's loss in missing out... someone else would be 'acceptable'... but why should he not be entitles to see the birth of his child if it is especially what he so chooses?

***too tired not making sense***

[meow]

It's interesting that he's come to this conclusion after seeing so many births... I guess he's seen a lot to make him feel that way but he obviously needed to see my H during my labour! I wouldn't have wanted him anywhere else but right with me sharing the birth of our child.

[LimeSlice]

I thought it was a great article, and I have thought similar to this for many years. DF and I had very lengthy conversations about whether he would be present and what role he would play in the birth. It was largely through these discussions and the research they inspried that I learnt a lot about the hormones etc of birth...and I think that had I not had a c/s I wonder if I would not have had him there present for the birth (save the fact that I didnt have anyone elseas a supprot person in Perth)


Having said that, if DF reallywanted to be present I dont see hwy he shouldnt, if its a mutual decision.


PS: poor guy that up and became schizophrenic though!!

[morgan78]

I know i would have been lost without my DP there but then i didn't have any other support people available but DP has commented many times on how useless he felt and how hard it was watching me in "pain", but he also is so glad that he was there to welcome both children into the world
Interesting article though and probably very valid in some cases.

[Twin Sister]

I disagree with that article. Though it may be the case for some couples, it was not the case for me. i would not have been able to go through labour without my husband by many side. Whenever he left the room I got all panicky and when he came back to hold my hand, or wipe my face with a cool cloth, or rub my back, I could relax again. I too would have been distraught without him there. DS is as much his as mine and I think it was right that he should be there to see him enter the world and cut the cord. I can't even imagine him not being there for it.

[suse]

I'm another who would have been inclined to immediately dismiss such a statement, until I saw that it came from such a well respected source. Purely from my own experience, I do not agree. My partner was capable, calming and the greatest form of support I could have had, if anything he helped me stay in the right frame of mind to deal with the birth, and our relationship is strengthened, not diminished by experiencing the birth of OUR son.

As I ended up with an emergency c/s (due to an entirely physical reason - nothing that could even remotely be related to my choice of birth support), my partner was the first to hold our son. I am grateful that he was able to do this, as I was not, and he got to bond with his son in a way that was really valuable.

Interestingly though, studies have been done on the effect of the attendance at birth on fathering, which demonstrate a greater involvement in all aspects of child-raising, fathers feeling a stronger bond between themselves and their child, as well as a lower incidence of child abuse. This has been linked in part to the release of birth hormones and pheromones but can also be anecdotally correlated with the increased direct involvement of fathers in child-raising in the generations since men have been attending births.

[Kitt3n]

I love that this ob is standing up and voicing his opinions. to him for that.

The release of the hormones is an intersting aspect - this has never crossed my mind. I know my DF will be talking to me constantly and i will just want to tell him to shut up! And he will be stressed, very very stressed, adn yes i can see how this will rub off on me.

But, i would be so angry if he couldnt push that all aside for the birth of our child. Ha - i would want him to "be a man" at the moment that is most sacred to womanhood. What a paradox.

Thankyou for this article, good food for thought!

[Astrid]

As much as my DH wanted to be at the last birth, I really wish he was not around. His way if dealing with things is with aggression. I am screaming for an epidural and rather than being supportive "come on you can do it" he just yelled "you don't bloody want an epidural!". All that did was make me tense up, make the pain worse and basically not help at all with me coping. I know he meant well and that is his way, but it was not what I needed at the point. I also spent too much time worrying about him due to the long labour. I did give him the option of opting out early on and I would have organised a doula, but he thought he could do it. It was hard on him to see everything go wrong and I think he needs to debrief to someone about it all. Whilst now we can laugh about all the yelling and swearing when he threatened to throw the sadistic little ob out of the window, it was not conducive to being able to birth.

This time around he will be there, but I am arranging additional birth support mainly for me, but there will be benefit for him. He wont have to worry so much, and if need be go off and have a break if need be.

I would like it to get to a stage where it is acceptable for a father to choose to not be at the birth and acceptable for a mother to refuse to have him there. It is really great that some of you have had wonderful births with supportive partners, but you need to respect and not dismiss that others would have been better off with their partners not there.

[suse]

I would like it to get to a stage where it is acceptable for a father to choose to not be at the birth and acceptable for a mother to refuse to have him there. It is really great that some of you have had wonderful births with supportive partners, but you need to respect and not dismiss that others would have been better off with their partners not there.

Excellent point Astrid!! Each of us are different and there is such a breadth of difference in the birthing experience, what works for one couple may not work for another.

One thing that I did find interesting is Dr Odent's findings are very much consistent with his birthing methods which encourage internalisation techniques - it would be good to see a broader study done to see if the findings are replicated. He is spot on with his theories on the role of adrenaline in the birthing process, which does explain why some support people - male or female - are more conducive to the process than others (different people have different responses to stresses - some have an adrenaline response, others don't). And it's not to say that the men who have the adrenaline type responses are unsupportive per se, they are just not conducive to the birthing process.

[*Ang*]

Wow what an interesting article, one of the more enjoyable reads that I have had for a long time.

I thought his arguements were well thought out and even to a certain extent "justified". Whilst I understand the womens need to have her male partner there at the birth of their child I can certainly see how this could be a hindrance.

My DH was at the birth of our children, and whilst he was certainly a great help and it was reassuring/bonding to have him there, truthfully that role could have been done by someone else who equally had my trust eg a doula, my mum etc.

I think it comes down to choice, if both partners feel comfortable then certainly go ahead, but if one or the other is even wavering a little bit its most probably best not to have them there.