As much as my DH wanted to be at the last birth, I really wish he was not around. His way if dealing with things is with aggression. I am screaming for an epidural and rather than being supportive "come on you can do it" he just yelled "you don't bloody want an epidural!". All that did was make me tense up, make the pain worse and basically not help at all with me coping. I know he meant well and that is his way, but it was not what I needed at the point. I also spent too much time worrying about him due to the long labour. I did give him the option of opting out early on and I would have organised a doula, but he thought he could do it. It was hard on him to see everything go wrong and I think he needs to debrief to someone about it all. Whilst now we can laugh about all the yelling and swearing when he threatened to throw the sadistic little ob out of the window, it was not conducive to being able to birth.

This time around he will be there, but I am arranging additional birth support mainly for me, but there will be benefit for him. He wont have to worry so much, and if need be go off and have a break if need be.

I would like it to get to a stage where it is acceptable for a father to choose to not be at the birth and acceptable for a mother to refuse to have him there. It is really great that some of you have had wonderful births with supportive partners, but you need to respect and not dismiss that others would have been better off with their partners not there.