Is your partner as well informed as you?

[Fleur]

Hrmmm...

running late so have only skimmed the last few posts....

But I can see how my posts may have been considered patronsising or offensive Slyder? and if that is the case, I sincerely apologise. It certainly wasn't intended to be but I may have over-generalised a bit...my bad

[slyder]

Really, it's not a big deal. Whatever you do don't apologise! I'd rather you tell me to get stuffed - it's like when a woman cries, it's just not playing by the rules.

TBH without going back through the thread again I can't recall who said whatever I was highlighting. It's really not that important - mine is just one opinion.

Back to Berenice's thread!!

[Fleur]

Ok, have re-read the whole thread now.
Just to clarify - I in no way think my DH is a stupid doormat just not as engaged as some people, (be they male or female).
Not that he's not interested - he will happily discuss the ins & outs of labour & childbirth with anyone - but he was not as interested in the reading & learning that I was leading up to the birth. ITMS?

But somne men are not engaged in the process - they rock in otherways -

- like that
ETA - It was a great support emotionally to have him there during my labours & I would not have NOT had him there IYKWIM. But to answer the OP in short, no, I don't feel that he was as informed as me.

And as for who has the final say - it's one of those things where there is little room for compromise, at least when you get right down to it, for example will she have pain relief or not.
An understanding and respect for where your partner is coming from is important.. that goes without saying....I hate the thought of going into the delivery room at odds over birth preferences.
For me, I think it would come down to what the issue was though.
Yes, it's a woman's body but it is their baby.

Just wondering - it's a hypothetical & obviously you would hope it never happens. But if a woman & her partner are in disagreement during the labour & delivery room, who do the caregivers give the final say to?

[slyder]

The woman.

[Inanna]

The Woman! Woman's body, woman's decision... I believe there was a case in the US (of course!) where a woman wanted to birth her breech baby vaginally & was refusing c/section. Her ex partner tried to get an interim order to insist on the baby being born "in the safest way" which was deemed by the medical staff as being vaginally... I believe that in the end she birthed vaginally as until the baby was born she had the right to decide over her body...

Not sure though how this would stand legally here... For, I have known cases where authoritites became involved when suspicious of a woman's intent to birth VBAC at home...

[miss kris]

I am telling my partner everything lol much to his dismay! I give him the ins and outs of a ducks bum because i want whats right for me! (Plus i am scared of needles so would really love to avoid a c-sect if posible)

Also, he can come across very arrogant (though i see the soft side) so i am confident he will tell the docs to back up if need be.

Mind you im not even preg yet :P
Plus i like to watch him quirm hehehe

[Oorki Galoorki]

Michel Odent recently has said that Men(although it should be partners) shouldnt be in the room with a birthing woman simply because their support often(not always) is what a woman needs.
our partners hate seeing us in pain and if they are not sure about how to help or to encourage you then they can easily opt for the drugs on our behalf.. which may be what we do not want. They are simply trying to help.

I know with my DH in my first labour he was great but he was FREAKED out! he was my voice and when i was begging for an epidural and about to get one the nurses asked again and he said no for me! he knew i desperatly did not want one.I had sat down with him and went through the pros and cons of every thing in our birth plan he knew it as well as i did. but he didnt do the research.

with #2 he was so busy filling the pool that he didnt need to worry about me! he fed me, he kept me warm, he cuddled me and we had a nap together! he was who i rested on while our baby was born. He trusted me to know what i wanted and to do what i needed to achieve it, but i didnt have nurses or doctors to contend with either.

DH isnt the researcher in our family I am and he is happy to listen when i suggest things.. if he is un sure i will also show him the information on the otherside and he can make a choice to.. if it is different well then we discuss it until we BOTH feel comfortable.
But all women will do any thing and everything to have a healthy baby, therefor partners should trust the pg partner to make the right choice for the family..

[AngelPants]

wow this thread is a really good idea! DF definatey hasnt done ANY research i know of...
our 1st bub hasnt arrived yet but i am not sure of my DF's ability to be supportive when the time comes but he understands that all intervention is out of the question unless its an emergency, not sure how clear he is on the reasons why. he isnt very good at watching me in pain tho which is amusing ATM, being the clutz i am, so we will just have to see how he goes
BUT his mum is a midwife (and works at the hospital where we are birthing) and agrees with my plan as does my mum who is very proud of her own homebirths and both of them will be at the hospital and most likely be present in some way knowing them! so i hav 2 other ppl to bat for me if needed :P but he will be fine

[sushee]

I remember when I was pg to Charlie, I was seriously concerned about the fact that my DH wasn't the least bit interested in birth choices, options or anything like that. He went to an antenatal class, and to my horror, 95% of the women there were having elective c/s so the class was mainly about pain options and c/s aftercare! I though OMG he's not going to support me in my vaginal birth!

I remember talking to the other mods at the time. I thought he would let me down when the time came, I wanted to hire a doula.

But he and I had a massive blue about it when I suggested it. He wanted to be my support person. But when I asked him to read up, he refused. He wanted to do it on his terms, and no, he didn't want a 'stranger' there usurping his place, even though that's NOT what a doula does. I was worried, and upset and I felt like he was being unreasonable, but didn't want to anger him further.

You know what though?

He was a an amazing support person. He deferred to me. He listened to what I had to say during labour. He agreed with my decisions, because he believed in me. He supported me every single step of the way and made me feel empowered.

And he was right, he didn't have to read and research to be that person. He just had be supportive in the way I needed him to be. And he was.

So ladies, don't assume that because someone doesn't know all the ins and outs of something, it means they can't be supportive. They can be.

And if they're not, no amount of reading and research may have changed that anyway.

[thepixie]

And he was right, he didn't have to read and research to be that person. He just had be supportive in the way I needed him to be. And he was.

So ladies, don't assume that because someone doesn't know all the ins and outs of something, it means they can't be supportive. They can be.

And if they're not, no amount of reading and research may have changed that anyway.

:yeahthat:
Very well said Sushee!