Oh my god Sheree............... what an ordeal. I'm so sorry your birth was so traumatic, it brought tears to my eyes. My DS was also born with clubfoot, please PM me if you need to talk to someone who's been there.
FWIW, you did do a fantastic job. You birthed your daughter, she is safe and sound. You survived quite a traumatic ordeal. You're safe now too. It's ok to be afraid, and shellshocked. Everything you're feeling is natural after an experience like that. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you want, and process as slowly as you need to. There is no right timeline for healing after trauma. There's no quick fix either. But I, and I'm sure the rest of the community is here to hold your hand and light up the darkness.
Welcome to motherhood. What an introduction, huh? You made it through your baptism of fire- you're untouchable now. You too will rise from the ashes of the hopes and dreams you held for this birth. We will lift you up. There are many of us here like you, who have been through such trauma. We're phoenix mummas. They knock us down, and we rise again- and again.
Wow, what you went through to have your daughter just sounds so traumatic. I am sorry it was so scary for you. Congratulations on the birth of your dd.
as a PND and PTSD survivor after the birth of DD1, I can say that it does suck to have that time taken away, but you can, and will get there, I promise
Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read and your kind words. I could of went into alot more detail but its too long and you get the picture.
There was a short time when we were still in hospital where i associated her with what happened but I never once blame her for what happened which I am so happy about and very proud of.
I guess my main thing now is to get better and to get through these anxious feelings I have and the feelings of death. I made it through this and I am here to look after my beautiful little flower.
She is so strong and im so greatful she is a good baby, she is so happy most of the time, healthy and beautiful so i am super thankful for that.
I guess I feel so strong for getting through it but at the same time so weak because it still consumes me. I have good days where im great and then days where its all I can think about and I just cry. I just keep thinking if none of it happened I would of had my natural vaginal birth like i wanted (going in the the open mind of you cant plan these things) with no pain relief drugs what so ever to me I amazed myself with that
I just need to give myself time to heal physically and emotionally.
They said the PPH i had after i delivered is likely to happen again but i suppose they would be more prepared next time. And the internal bleed i had they only done scans to see and said it had something to do with a thin tissue on the outside of your uterus and it tore??they seemed to not know much and it is VERY RARE so in a way that doesnt help with the understanding/healing process.
Im in the process of requesting my medical record so I have more of an idea of what was going on/notes of what happened for most of it that i dont remember. Just to help fill in the blanks and give me some closure - Most of the time i think about its about what scared me but also theres alot i dont know cause i was out of it. Maybe one day I will be able to brave it again but for the moment it feels i could never go back there again..
Once again thank you so much, It is so nice to talk about it..
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