Birth of My Beautiful Ruby Grace - WARNING - Traumatic - and Long..REALLY LONG

[Razzberry]

Wow, what you went through to have your daughter just sounds so traumatic. I am sorry it was so scary for you. Congratulations on the birth of your dd.

[Cassius2]

thank you so much for sharing your story xx

that must of been so so scary

as a PND and PTSD survivor after the birth of DD1, I can say that it does suck to have that time taken away, but you can, and will get there, I promise

[Mumma T]

Oh my goodness what a scary experience.

So glad you are on the mend and able to enjoy bonding with your daughter now.

[Sheree.A]

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read and your kind words. I could of went into alot more detail but its too long and you get the picture.

There was a short time when we were still in hospital where i associated her with what happened but I never once blame her for what happened which I am so happy about and very proud of.

I guess my main thing now is to get better and to get through these anxious feelings I have and the feelings of death. I made it through this and I am here to look after my beautiful little flower.

She is so strong and im so greatful she is a good baby, she is so happy most of the time, healthy and beautiful so i am super thankful for that.

I guess I feel so strong for getting through it but at the same time so weak because it still consumes me. I have good days where im great and then days where its all I can think about and I just cry. I just keep thinking if none of it happened I would of had my natural vaginal birth like i wanted (going in the the open mind of you cant plan these things) with no pain relief drugs what so ever to me I amazed myself with that

I just need to give myself time to heal physically and emotionally.

They said the PPH i had after i delivered is likely to happen again but i suppose they would be more prepared next time. And the internal bleed i had they only done scans to see and said it had something to do with a thin tissue on the outside of your uterus and it tore??they seemed to not know much and it is VERY RARE so in a way that doesnt help with the understanding/healing process.

Im in the process of requesting my medical record so I have more of an idea of what was going on/notes of what happened for most of it that i dont remember. Just to help fill in the blanks and give me some closure - Most of the time i think about its about what scared me but also theres alot i dont know cause i was out of it. Maybe one day I will be able to brave it again but for the moment it feels i could never go back there again..

Once again thank you so much, It is so nice to talk about it..

xoxo