TT40 that sounds really really tough. I suspect I'd feel the same if I were in that situation. I didn't have the labour I had wanted with DD1, it wasn't overtly traumatic but I had that disassociation after too, for a good while. Of course now I fall a asleep dreaming about her with a full heart but it's not nice feeling like that initially.

Welcome to our world little Hera, and TT40 congratulations on making the hard decisions thoughtfully and coming out at the other end with beautiful babe in arms.