26th of June was the official due date- 40 weeks - well that day came and went.
I was hospitilised with a chest infection and a temp which cause bubs heartrate to sky rocket at 200 bpm. We managed to get my temperature down which brought bubs heart rate down...so far so good..... That was on a Tuesday i was told i could go home on the thursday as i just didn't want to be there.
Well i didn't go home bub had other ideas....
my ob arrived at about 4:30 pm and they had had the tracer on me since 9 am which showed i was contracting at regular intervals and i was 6cm dialated. Bubs heart rate was sitting at 140 bpm which i thought was a little slow from what she was through the pregnancy but just let it go.
My ob sat on the end of my bed and said, "You have 25 mins to get preped for theater" i was like WHAT!!!!! She said bubs heart rate was now too stable and that something wasn't right as she was stressing. It seems i couldn't win with her heart rate. I said can't she just wait until Monday when i get induced and ob said NO WAY she wasn't going to risk inducing me now let alone on Monday.
I just couldn't get my head around it.....me- theatre - no! Had just gotten my canula out from my antibiotics and now the were putting another one in? I was still too confused to ask questions.
Well i had no time to shower, shave or even pee. I was in one of those ever so beautiful hospital gowns and being wheeled in my bed to theatre. It was at this stage that it finally hit home what was going on. Thats when the tears just continously streamed down my face. I didn't want this! I was going to have her natural thats how i had always planned!!!!!
I was wheeled into the waiting room, where i just thought i want my daughter now but not like this! Not long after i was wheeled into OT 1. Things were explained to me, i was positioniing myself for the epidural, it took them 5 attempts and i don't care what anyone tells me it HURTS! Actually my back is still playing up 5 1/2 weeks later.
Finally the epidural went in, thats when the screen was put up and the waited a few mins then tested if it was working with ice cubes. i couldn't feel a thing which was good and scary at the same time. Scary as i had no control over what hapened to me.
I thought it was amazing just watching my leg being moved and not feeling a thing...didn't even realise i had a catheter put in till after.
I felt absolutelt nothing no tugging or pulling or stinging NOTHING. I was not sure what was going on at all through the whole procedure. I don't remember much as i went all hazy and being an epileptic that scared me. i remember my ob was talking about her dogs knee reconstruction while she was operating but i must have been passing in and out. I then heard one of the other docs say, "You're blood pressure has rappidly dropped and you don't have much oxygen" and put a mask on me... later i thought how strange i had really high blood pressure through the whole pregnancy but found out i had lost a lot of blood during surgery (more than usual but not heammridging). When ob was stitching me up she said it's all done...i hadn't heard a cry or nothing so i started to panic, but was reassured she was fine, she had to be suctioned and monitored because my waters had been leaking so she didn't have much fluid and had passed meconium and pee'd in what was left. She would have been dead if it was not done then and there.
I was wheeled to recovery where i was told i had a baby girl, 6 pound 10 ounces, 46cm long, head circumference of 34cm, at 5:16pm, 3 days overdue. After that i was taken back to my room where i saw my baby girl for the first time. The crying started again. She was so little.
We tried to breastfeed but my nipple was to big for her mouth so after 4 days of this i had very sore nipples and much to my dissappointment i had to bottle feed. She was very sick with jaundice and lost weight rapidly. We left when she was 5 days old. At discharge she weighed only 5 pound 14 ounces.
I cried everyday and every night while in hospital, i don't know why i just did. It took me 3 days to come to the realisation that she was mine. I was up moving around the next day and never had any pain killers except for a few panadol...as i was scared to take anything as i had reacted badly to the morphine. So no more morphine for me. But aside from that i had no pain really, nothing that i would need serious pain relief for.
I still cry to this day. I feel really sad as everything i had planned and how i hoped my birthing experience would be was just thrown out of the window in a few seconds. Don't get me wrong i'm happy i have my baby alive and love her to bits but it was and still is hard when i think about it. I still get a few pulls and pain here and there which reminds me everytime. I hope i will get over this as people think i may be starting to PND.
Even though with everything that happened i am determined to fall again soonish and have the natural labour i wanted.
Tarleha's Birth story
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