Well this could possibly be quite long as everything seemed to be long for this pregnancy and birth. So here goes
I was due to have my baby on the 30th of June 2009.... I thought that maybe actually I was really due on the 27th of june, just because I thought I knew when I had ovulated, which incidently was on honeymoon 5 days after getting married!! It had been our first time to not be actively using contraception, but we didn't really think we would get pregnant!
Anyway as I was saying, my EDD came and went, I had my 30th B'day a week later, I was quite convinced my baby would arrive on my B'day, just cos I knew that I didn't want to share it, but no that too came and went. I had been having lots of braxton hicks for weeks and weeks, sometimes I would get them really regularly, even down to 3 mins apart, then they would stop.
We were booked into the birth center attatched to our local hospital and were attending or being attended by our midwife, who said that I was fully engaged from 33wks and I was 2-3cm dilated from 40wks. By 40+11 we were attending antenatal clinic at the hospital for the first time, as all our care had been midwife led. They wanted to book us for an induction, but we talked to the consultant and were given aproval to continue with our care from the BC with CGT monitoring every day at the hospital until 42+3 when we consented to come in to hosp for AROM. I was thrilled to be honest that they agreed to let us stay at the BC, as until then they would only let you stay if you were less than 40+11. So anyway, I went home that day feeling good! I had begun to get really depressed about the deadlines, and the constant questions from people about when my baby was gonna arrive, so much so that I kinda withdrew into myself. So to know that there was an end in sight, whilst still being able to have our midwife led care was great!
Over the next 2 days I went to my CTG monitoring and had great readings, our baby ( we didn't know the sex) was fine and I was healthy if tired from the discomfort of being 42wks preg. I got a copious show on the friday and it continued on sat. I was up sat morning early for CTG monitoring and feeling pretty knackered... I had been up most of the night with painful braxton Hicks, this was the day i went 42weeks. That arvo I tried to sleep, but the BH were too painful to let me sleep so I just rested upright. By that evening the BH were still irreg, but more uncomfortable and so I decided to try to go to bed. I took a painkiller to help me rest and laid down, but it was impossible. I realised that I might actually be in labour finally as it wasn't stopping after so many false starts! So I called my sister who was a doula at around 2am as I wanted my hubby to rest and I wanted someone with me. I had regular contrx thru the night but still tried to rest as much as possible. By the morning I was getting tired. I called my MW at around 12md and asked if I could go to the BC. She agreed so off we all went. I was not coping by the time I got to the BC so I asked for entenox and then had intradermal injections for the back pain which was really hurting! but I was still only 3cm dilated. I started to get really disheartened by this stage! I had been labouring for over 12 hrs, awake for 36 and still no extra dilation!!! So I had a sleep for awhile as the intradermal inj helped alot and just had a little gas occasionally. When I got up the pain really kicked up and so I got into the water and used that for awhile but the asked for peth as it was really hurting. I had planned to only use gas, but just felt unable to cope. In hindsight I think that that was due to exhaustion.
Sometime after the peth kicked in I was coping again and we had moved the baby into a more favorable position things seemed to be going well. I'm not sure why but my MW was in contact with the birth suite and talking to the Dr up there to let them know what was happening. Because we had missed our ctg that morning, the Dr wanted me to go up to BS and have one to check the baby. it seemed reasonable at the time, but unfortunately it started off the inevitable interventions. Despite the fact that the CTG was fine the dr wanted to rupture my membranes to kick things along. I guess we were just so tired we agreed as it was about 8-9pm by then. We thought that it might hurry things along. Despite most of the waters being clear there was a very small mec staining to the initial waters, which was probably due to how far overdue we were, but then they wanted to give me syntocin to get things really going. The Dr didn't want me to go and walk the halls or keep moving, she had spoken to her consultant who was concerned about my dates and wanted me to be closely monitored. So we had the syntocin.
I don't remember much of the next few hours, but have been told that the synto went up and I just didn't cope. I apparently begged my MW to turn it off which she did. But to be honest I was so scared by then that I was glued to the entenox and was off my face!!! I was so high i don't remember it. My MW eventually had to go home and the new MW said they needed to get the synto going again. I didn't think I could cope, and despite not wanting an epidural I ended up telling my husband he needed to make the decisions for me cos I couldn't think or decided. My DH agreed to the epi as he didn't think it was fair to me anymore to keep going without it. So I had an epidural. This was at about 2-3am I think. And then I slept. When I woke at 6am and the Dr checked me I was about 6cm. The morning shift arrived not long after and we realised that the morning Dr was one who I had worked with alot in another hospital, she was a friend and a colleague who I trusted which really releaved me. when I was checked again at 9am and still hadn't gone further than 6cm they advised a c/s and we agreed.
At that point we had had very little sleep in 48hrs and were completely knackered. I had been having painful contrx for 34hrs and just lost my ability to fight for the VB I wanted. So we went to theatre, found out just before that the anaethetist on that day was a friend of my DH who had worked at our last hosp (i am a nurse, DH is a Dr). We felt surrounded by people who knew us and cared for us. I remember whilst they cut me open staring into my DH's eyes knowing that whilst he was with me I could cope with anything and kept staring into his loving gaze whilst he told me how much he loved me and was proud of me. just before they pulled my baby out DH stood up and watched and announced to me that we had a baby girl!!!!!!!!!!! He followed whilst they took her and dried her before they brought her back to me. We had skin to skin contact while we waited for the stitching to be done and then in recovery we continued the skin to skin contact whilst we watched our baby do "baby lead attatchment" and initiate breast feeding on her own.
I hated being in the hospital, so I Discharged myself 27hrs after the c/s when I had the catheter out. I asked my dr for some pain meds which they agreed to as I had great support from my DH at home plus my MIL was also a nurse and staying with us too. I recovered really well at home and our breastfeeding has been great.
I am disappointed that I didn't get the birth I wanted. I felt alot of pressure to have the perfect birth as my sister was a doula and really prominent in the local birth scene, so I felt really judged. However now 3 weeks later I think I have come to some peace, even though I think I have more thinking and de-briefing to do. I realise that it was a hard slog and that after so long and so little sleep I wasn't able to advocate for myself the way I thought I could. I learnt about how I do and don't deal with pain. but I also realised that I have no intention of choosing to mourn this birth. All in all we had a good experience of a C/S, due to being surrounded by people we cared about and who were caring and supportive of us. In hindsight I would have made different choices and wouldn't have gone to hosp so quickly but having made those choices I can look back and think, I did a good job, 36hrs of labour is hard work and I did my best. I will do it different next time but I did my best with what I knew this time and am hugging the lessons I learnt to my chest for next time.
So thanks for reading
Ps by the time Jemima was born, I was 42+2 on offical dates and 42+5 on mine..... 16-19 days over due
Wow, what a FANTASTIC job you did! You did SO well to labour as long as you did, 36 hours is a VERY long time (my first labour was 37 hours so I totally get the sleep-deprivation and exhaustion )
Congrats again Bella, honey. You endured a looooooong pregnancy and then a looooong labour - you should be absolutely stoked with your efforts.
I can tell that you have been empowered by J's birth - it is evident to me again in your last paragraph - and I believe empowerment is one of the most valuable gifts we can receive from birthing our babies. Once again, I'm sorry for the pressure you felt and I wish you peace as you continue to debrief.
Way to go, sweety.
Thanks for your lovely comments everyone. I know I sound like I am coping really well with my c/s but there are many long nights when I go over everything I did and wonder what I could have changed...... The congratulations and encouragement help to remind me of what I already know but sometimes have trouble really believing. So thanks everyone.
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