Congrats again Bella, honey. You endured a looooooong pregnancy and then a looooong labour - you should be absolutely stoked with your efforts.
I can tell that you have been empowered by J's birth - it is evident to me again in your last paragraph - and I believe empowerment is one of the most valuable gifts we can receive from birthing our babies. Once again, I'm sorry for the pressure you felt and I wish you peace as you continue to debrief.
Way to go, sweety.