Breastfeeding another's baby

[sepata]

The story is from mamamia (Mia Freedman's website - not sure if I can post the link), it was linked to me by a friend on Facebook. The way the piece is written is very one-sided unfortunately, but what are your thoughts/opinions? I'll post mine in a little bit

You breastfed WHO?
The following story literally made me gag. Then want to take a shower. Then want to hold my children close.

Am I over reacting? Probably, but you’re all fairly accustomed to that by now right?

My sister- in-law related this story to me and it has haunted me ever since.. It is in regards to a “friend” of hers.. (You will come to see why the inverted commas are now around the word FRIEND when before this incident they would not have been required.)

Jill* (my sister-in-law) had a couple of the girls from her Mothers group around to her house last week. Let us call them Mother number 2 and Mother number 3.

As lunch time rolled around it became apparent that there would not be enough food in the house to feed everyone so Jill and Mother number 2 said they’d go and get lunch if the Mother number 3 didn’t mind staying with the kids.

Of course she didn’t mind, so off Jill* and Mother number 2 went.

While they were shopping for cheese rolls, sushi and apple slice unspeakable events were unfolding back at the house.

Jill and Mother number 2 were gone for a total of 30 minutes. In those 30 minutes that Mothers group would be CHANGED FOREVER.. (Forever, forever, forever……… *- FYI this is a dramatic echo)

Am I building the suspense enough? I still bet you can’t guess what happened..

Jill and Mother number 2 arrived back at the house to find all three children having a nap.

Well done Mother number 3 they exclaimed! Mother number 2 was especially surprised as her child hadn’t been fed yet and was hard to get to sleep when she hadn’t been fed. No milk = no sleep for Mother number 2′s child.

“I’m surprised you could get Misty* to sleep, she hasn’t been fed yet. I always have to give her a feed before she goes down at lunch time. I don’t know what I’ll do when I stop breastfeeding HER.”

Mother number 3 replied:

“Oh, Timmy* skipped his feed and I had a full boob so I popped Misty on it. She guzzled it down and went straight to sleep!”

OH YES. YES SHE DID. YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY SHE DID!

MOTHER NUMBER 3 BREASTFED MOTHER NUMBER 2′s CHILD!

Let us pause here. This is an act that can NEVER BE UNDONE. Never, ever not once ever can it be undone..

It’s like finding out your flatmate has been cleaning the toilet with your toothbrush. You can’t take back all those times you had the brush in your mouth after it had cleaned the crevices of your toilet.

The image of Mother number 3′s nipple in her child’s mouth can NEVER be erased form Mother number 2′s mind. That milk can never be un-drunk.

Yessssss, I know there were wet nurses back in the day and I know some women today use them but for me it’s JUST NOT RIGHT. I’m not saying you are a bad person if you allow some other woman’s boob to go into your babies mouth for nourishment, I’m just saying don’t ever let it be my baby.

Breastfeeding is an intensely personal thing. It is bonding time, it is boobs and nipples and babies and family and well it’s breastfeeding! Who shoves their tit in a random kid’s mouth without at least asking said kid’s Mother first? (Wow that sentence would be SO wrong if taken out of context.)

Mother number 2 apparently lost her ****.

Mother number 3 was ushered out of the house at a rapid pace. It was excruciatingly awkward and none of the girls have been able to speak since.

I don’t think I would recover from that type of thing either.

Am I being a weirdo? I totally accept it if you think I am.. Perhaps I am not as open minded as I thought I was..

How would you react if this was your child?

*Jill, Misty and Timmy’s names have been changed to protect their dignity and identity.

[Charlotte91]

I think it was handled wrong. I don't think it's as bad as the writer claims it to be.
If permission had been asked and given, then yes. Breastfeeding another persons child is fine, it's no worse than having a sick kid and getting donated EBM.
As I said, as long as permission had been given.

Major overreation. It's just boobie juice. It's nothing like brushing your teeth after someone's cleaned the toilet with your toothbrush.
This article has made me quite mad, actually.

[Starfish]

Meh. Bad article. Uninformed writer... Mountains out of molehills, etc.

If it was me, I would ask before breastfeeding someone else's child as some people would react like the writer, but I wouldn't care if someone else breastfed mine... Seriously, there are bigger problems in the world.

[Novella]

I think the biggest issue is the lack of permission here. If people are happy to breastfeed others children and have other mothers breastfeed their child knowing the risks and benefits then I dont see the problem. The tooth brush analogy is a bit off though, but she is right it is something that can't be undone.

I would consider doing it for a close friends baby or my sisters if they asked. Breastfeeding anothers child without their permission is very, very wrong I would also feel this way if someone gave my child medication without asking me. For me that is a boundry that should not be crossed when there has been no discussion about it previously. It is very personal and there is a slight risk of infection.

[PumpkinZulu]

Well I for one would be majorly ****ed if another woman fed my baby without my consent. Like, MAJORLY. But if she had my consent, it'd be a non-issue.

[Heaven]

I think she needs to chill, it's not THAT bad, it didn't happen to her!

I think it's fine if both the mum's agree but I'd be pretty ****ed off if someone fed my kid without asking me first when I was only gone for 30 mins.

[nickle730]

The article is obviously written for entertainment purposes more so than as an informative article. It's an opinion piece and the writer is entitled to her opinion.

I would be furious if someone BF my child without my permission. And I would only give my permission in dire circumstances. I don't consider 30 minutes collecting lunch to be dire circumstances.

I'm sure mother #3 thought she was doing the right thing, as evidenced by the fact that she told mother #2 what she had done without hesitation. But for me, it's not on.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Yep, it's the permission issue that gets me. It's not like they were gone for hours or she didn't know when they'd be back. If that's not something they normally do in their group, then I could understand Mum seeing it almost as a sexual assault. Feeding someone elses child isn't the issue here - doing it without permission is.

[Lisa B]

I think I would be more annoyed about the lack of permission than the fact it happened. I certainly wouldn't compare it to the toothbrush scenario as that's just dirty and BF isn't dirty. I think I would feel something was betrayed in the friendship rather than the act itself.

I have way too much EBM in the freezer and often joke about passing it onto others who need some, but I really would give it away if someone took me up on the offer. To date no one has, perhaps because it is a personal thing. I guess you can't really compare EBM and the act of BF as BF is more personal than the milk itself.

[Taurean]

The lack of consent is certainly the issue here. I agree that the reference to cleaning a toilet with your toothbrush is ridiculous but I personally know I would be highly offended and shocked if someone BF my baby without my consent. I also know that I wouldn't give consent for anyone else to BF my children. I'm just not comfortable with it at all and that's my opinion which I'm entitled to, as is the author of this article and the mothers involved.

A friend of mine had an over supply of EBM for her premmie (both her freezer and our small, spare freezer were full!) and she offered some to me as I had supply issues early on. It made me feel so inadequate, more so than I already did. That wasn't her intention at all but it just proves how much BF can effect a woman's emotions.

I would never want another woman to BF my baby. It's my personal bond with *my* baby and no one can change my opinion on that. It's an awfully personal thing to a lot of women which goes well beyond nourishing their baby.

[nothing2lose]

This issue has come up in another thread previously and I'll respond now how I responded then...

To breastfeed another person's child without their express permission is totally and utterly inappropriate in my opinion (unless it is a matter of life and death). I don't think the writer or the other parent over reacted at all.

Just my two cents...

[Phteven]

It wouldn't have occurred to me to do it. I'd be walking the halls with a screaming child and then later going *doh* I could have just put her on the boob.
I remember how protective I was about the bond between me and my babies but TBH I don't think that a bit of a breastfeed would break that bond. I think that the breastfeeding Mother handled it wrong - we all have mobiles these days so she could have rung and said I've got a full boob and little Timmy is screaming. Do you want me to whip it out? Then the Mum of the child could have made the choice herself and everything would have been sweet.

It's not like she abused the child - I'm sure she acted out of compassion and sharing so not talking and continuing awkwardness just seems like a bit of an extreme reaction to me.

[Mum2twoBoys]

Yes definately the permission thing, and I dont know if a phone call would even have been sufficient. As you would want to have a fairly good relationship and to maybe have spoken about this stuff before just laying it on someone.

I am all for bf a baby when it needs it, beit mine or someone elses, but you would want to know the person beforehand and have given permission. A few mothers at my mg have spoken about it and said in certain circumstances we would be comfortable with the idea of letting someone else bf our baby. ie like had to have a couple of days of medication and didnt have ebm, but wanted the baby to continue on bm. One of the ladies is going back to work next week and her ds wont take a bottle, cup or spoon to feed, only wants boob. and she has joked about me and another mother at mothers group feeding her child whilst she is at work for a couple of days. but honestly if it came to that and she was comfortable, id give it a try. I wont know how i truly feel about it until it happens but hey i would want to help if i could. ps she has to go back to work as part of her contract, at least for a couple of days til end of year.

[wrena]

My SIL has fed my DD without permission and it didn't bother me at all. I was just grateful that she left me to sleep and that my bub was well cared for. If it was someone less close I don't know how I'd feel, but in theory, as long as they had no transferrable infections (which should be known about from pregnancy blood tests) I'd rather they fed my baby than give her a bottle of EBM or let her go hungry or tired and upset if I wasn't there

[NaeNae]

MAJOR over reaction from the writer (makes me want to smack her in the back of the head) however I do think its more a permission thing too. It doesn't matter WHO the child is in relation to you, you ALWAYS ask the parent before giving a child anything to eat/drink.

I would be mortified if someone BF my children without my knowledge. If it was a discussion I had, had prior and said "Yes if Y is hungry and I am not around go right ahead".

There were errors on all counts but honestly if they were real friends they'd be able to discuss it in a rational manner and move on from it.

Nae x

[briggsy's girl]

the consent thing is the only issue for me - if i was out, even for half an hour - and DD was tired and distressed and someone could settle her, as long as i knew about it and didn't have any other options they could try (lets face it, for some BF babies, there is no alternative to boob when they're distressed) i'd rather they fed her. i hate hearing a baby scream in distress for even a couple of minutes, let alone half an hour. if there is a way to sooth them, i'm all for it

BUT, there has to be communication and consent.

[Babyluv]

I would be so mad! I'm not against it at all if there is consent but this mother didn't even get to make that choice for her baby. The writer has overreacted and I think putting it in the same ball park as cleaning the toilet with your toothbrush is really inappropriate.

[helle]

Definately should have asked permission first... However if it was me I'd say thanks, but no thanks. I know it's Natural, but it's kinda odd to me still. However, if it was a life or death jam where my baby needed milk from another or I needed to give it, I wouldn't hesitate.

But I think the bigger picture is at the end of the day, baby didnt give a rats arse ><;; S/he had a full belly and was snoozing peacefully. Maybe Mother Number 2 & 3 should have just chalked it up to experience.