Breastfeeding another's baby

[Traveller]

If it was a close friend who was BFing her own child I doubt I would be worried about communicable diseases, as I would assume they were not an issue for her own child. TBH if someone had fed one of my twins for me I would have been delighted, I felt like a milking cow half the time and would have loved the break. That said prior permission would have been advisable, specifically because of dietary concerns and resulting colic.

[Phteven]

So I wonder if a baby older than a few months would even breast feed happily at another's breast.

Lots do in cultures where it is more normal to do so.

You post reminded me that no-one can breastfeed a baby that doesn't want to so really the most important person (the baby) had given permission for the feeding to happen.
I guess that lots of us (me included) have issues around control over our children but maybe if our baby has consented to eat a healthy normal food we need to just accept that. After all parenting is kind of like slowly relinquishing control with the aim that eventually our children will be self-sufficient adults who are in control of their lives.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Onyx, a crawling baby can choose to crawl into a road, or an oven, or a tumble dryer - does that mean the baby chooses to die/be cooked/be battered.

I am being very over the top here, but there's a reason parents make all the decisions for a baby!

[Phteven]

I get that TFB but there is difference between eating a safe, normal food and doing something potentially fatal. I'm saying that when our children make safe choices should we be be controlling them? If our children wanted to eat some carrots (assuming no allergies etc) would it be ok to say our children can't eat them because we didn't grow them or because we don't like carrots?

Obviously parents have the right to act in their children's best interests but also a child has a right to appropriate nutrition delivered in a timely manner and to quiet enjoyment of its life. If a child's mother removes herself and hence the babies access to nutrition maybe the other mother is only respecting the child's rights by giving it a feed and a cuddle.

[/thinking aloud]

[Marley&Me]

That is totally crossing the line to me. But maybe it's because I don't have kids yet. Something tells me I wouldn't change my mind though.....

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Carrots are fine - however, when out on walks, Liebling will ask if he can eat berries that aren't safe for him, but that he has seen and picked. I'm OK with him picking and eating blackberries - one of the joys of childhood - but other berries are not safe.

Cakes are fine for most children, but we have to check for cowmilk before Liebs is allowed them. Safe for one baby doesn't mean safe for another.

[Phteven]

I agree that what is safe for one baby may be unsafe for another but the author and her friends aren't concerned about the safety or nutritional appropriateness, their outrage is over the image of the baby suckling at another woman's breast so in this particular example the safety etc isn't an issue. It is an emotional issue about a baby choosing to feed when it was offered a safe appropriate meal.

[Fleur]

I'd be upset, as everyone else has said it's the permission thing. Honestly if it were me in that situation I wouldn't have even given a bottle to a bottle fed baby without checking first - it's just politeness. Unless of course specific instructions were left, which in this story it doesn't sound as though they were.

I think that the breastfeeding Mother handled it wrong - we all have mobiles these days so she could have rung and said I've got a full boob and little Timmy is screaming. Do you want me to whip it out? Then the Mum of the child could have made the choice herself and everything would have been sweet.

I wondered that too, why not at least call?

I mean if I was somewhere 3 adults 3 babies I certainly wouldn't leave one adult with three babies at nap time - one adult would go get the food - why would two go? - because the story would not work otherwise.

Agreed. It seems odd.

[Cassius2]

Meh. Bad article. Uninformed writer... Mountains out of molehills, etc.

If it was me, I would ask before breastfeeding someone else's child as some people would react like the writer, but I wouldn't care if someone else breastfed mine... Seriously, there are bigger problems in the world.

I'm with you on this one.

The MAJOR issue here is that the mum #3 didnt ask permission. that to me, is a violation and has potential health implications (ie transmittable diseases etc).
I would be furious and lose my nut if someone did that without my permission, BUT i think that the writer of the article missed that point because all she could find offense to was that the mum #3 nipple is (according to her) a toilet-cleaning toothbrush. Not to mention the molehill of questions that arise from her abohorrence at the image of a nipple that is not her own entering her baby's mouth?? I mean, really? Is that all you can imagine??

I have donated EBM and would, if asked BF anothers child. And, if needed, allow someone to BF my child.

(FWIW, i was BF by my Aunt a couple of times ).

[Mum2twoBoys]

I actually don't think I would have cared guess I'm odd though it isn't something I would think to do with another's child unless they brought it up with me, definitely not something I would do without discussing it with them.

So many things seem a bit off with this story though... sending 2 out of 3 adults to the shops was the first thing I thought strange...

totally agree, i wouldnt even leave my child if i was going out. sorry i know control freak. but i like to have him with me. especially in the midst of feed time.... something very fishy.

[KitFaerie]

In theory I have no problem with someone else feeding my baby, I'd be more upset at the thought of him crying for 30 minutes than at the thought of someone else feeding him BUT - I'd want to be asked first. I'd be ok with feeding someone else's baby too. If I was left alone with 3 babies and one of them was distraught and I was breastfeeding, I'd probably ring Mum and ask what she usually did to settle her, but feeding her myself wouldn't be the first thing I'd think of. If she was going to be gone for hours, then yeah, I'd bring it up.

I'd be surprised if this story was accurate though, sounds like someone made up a situation to prove a point. I think the level of disgust is a bit OTT.

[jax]

My biggest issue would be that the milk had not been screened, not that another women fed my baby. All milk at breast milk banks is screened, you don't know how careful other people are about what they take/eat or if they have anything that could be passed through the milk. Sometimes people don't know they carry certain things. I would be really annoyed for those reasons, and why could she not pick up a phone and call.

[AngelPants]

I mentioned this to my mum last night & apparently or was normal in their mother group when i was a baby for the mother left babysitting to bf bubs if they needed it and often shared bf duties so someone could have a rest or go on date night etc.

On an interesting side note she mentioned that one boy used to feed every 2-4 hrs right up until 12 months, except with one lady's bm (who incidentally had great sleepers) when he would sleep for 7+ hrs at night

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[misty]

I do not have a problem with people breastfeeding other peoples babies. I myself would happily donate EBM if possible here in Canberra.

BUT I would not want anyone breastfeeding MY children, and I would never give them permission to do so, even if they did ask. I would be beyond livid if somebody did do it without my permission, and can honestly say that I would likely be pursuing legal action. IMHO, there is simply no need for it to happen to my children. My babies could either wait for my return, or at absolute worst (and I was uncontactable or gone for an extended period), then I would be happier for then to be fed formula or even plain old cows milk or cooled boiled water, until my return.

I am not comfortable with the idea of another woman breastfeeding my child. I am not living in a third world country where my child may end up unnourished or starving. There is no justification that could convince me that someone else breastfeeding my child would be the best thing to happen. Breastmilk may be fabulous - but that is my decision as a parent to make, and noone has the right to take that away from me, and my children going a couple of feeds without breastmilk just does not seem like a big enough issue for someone else to override that right.

And just beacause others are comfortable with the idea of someone else breastfeeding their child, does not mean that the rest of us aren't valid in our feelings on the matter. Permission, or no permission.

FWIW - I would feel more comfortable with my children receiving someone elses EBM, then I would be to have someone 'breastfeed' them. But I would still decline that option if any other possible means of my child being fed were available.

[Jennifer13]

Well, because of the society we live in I'd always ask permission, but frankly I'm a bit *meh* about the whole thing.

I don't mean to sound like a complete hippie or anything, but I actually think this is how human beings were meant to behave towards each others' children. This is a very 20th/21st century take on what used to be completely normal (and still is in many cultures). I'd be more annoyed if she gave my child a bottle of formula (and not to point out the obvious, but I have no idea which cow, which manufacturing plant and its workers and so on, were responsible for producing the food in that case) - in fact, then I probably would have stormed out of the house!

I might be a bit taken aback if someone else fed my baby without asking first, but I doubt I'd rant and rave. I'd probably be more annoyed that I'd now have to express off a feed to ease my poor bbs! Unless the other Mum would be happy for me to bf her child in return.

Personally, I'd love it if this went back to being a non-issue and we were all so used to ppl doing it we didn't even feel this was worth writing about.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

I agree with the writer. I find it completley innapropriate. I wouldnt be comfortable with this, nor would I give anyone permission to breastfeed my child.

[Starfish]

What Jennifer said.

The article doesn't mention anything about cell phones or calling. Maybe the mums who went out didn't take their phones or something. Like I said before - meh. The only problem I see is the lack of communication.

[wrena]

Well, because of the society we live in I'd always ask permission, but frankly I'm a bit *meh* about the whole thing.

I don't mean to sound like a complete hippie or anything, but I actually think this is how human beings were meant to behave towards each others' children. This is a very 20th/21st century take on what used to be completely normal (and still is in many cultures). I'd be more annoyed if she gave my child a bottle of formula (and not to point out the obvious, but I have no idea which cow, which manufacturing plant and its workers and so on, were responsible for producing the food in that case) - in fact, then I probably would have stormed out of the house!

I might be a bit taken aback if someone else fed my baby without asking first, but I doubt I'd rant and rave. I'd probably be more annoyed that I'd now have to express off a feed to ease my poor bbs! Unless the other Mum would be happy for me to bf her child in return.

Personally, I'd love it if this went back to being a non-issue and we were all so used to ppl doing it we didn't even feel this was worth writing about.

Yeah, totally agree. I'm not dismissing the validity of others feeling horrified but I personally don't get it