Don't worry, I can cope with a legit question!

I do judge all the time. Of course I do. I dislike things other people do and don't want to do them - that's a negative judgement. I may be moved to tell them that this doesn't work for us, we do something else. So I will give alternatives WITHOUT saying "you're doing it wrong" (the judgement part). I'm sure a lot of the advice and anecdotes that have been given to me have come from places of judgement, but not words of judgement.

I have positive judgements too and try not to vocalise them. So when Liebling moves up a reading group at school, my natural instinct is to give a positive judgement and leap around: he is doing what I want him to! Instead, I ask him how he feels: he is happy because there are new and exciting books on this level. Great, I say, I would love to hear him read new and exciting books. I buy into his happiness without verbally judging him for his achievement first. When he does a drawing, we talk about it. He doesn't need me to say "that's lovely, what is it?" - positive judgement but no interest. And it isn't easy, sometimes I do judge positively. But hearing and affirming his positive statements makes my son more confident and happy, so it is something I work on a lot.

So if I spoke (note SPOKE, not passed a note!) to a mother who was BFing in public, I may ask the age of her child, ask if she is supported in breastfeeding, how it's going. I may say that I fed Liebling for 16m and would like to go for longer with the next one. I may, when she speaks positively of the ideals of BFing, offer encouragement and support. But I do think "good for you" when the journey is hell and you WANT to give up, the "I know nothing of you but will judge you (even if that judgement is positive)" makes life hard. Maybe a conversation can help her remember why she's still feeding when it is hard. And there's no pressure on her that way, just support for a mother doing the best she can with what she has.