Breastfeeding toddlers and older

[Kmn]

When you see your child wean in their own time at their own pace it kind of seems right. A newborn will feed lots, a 1 or 2 year old pretty often, an older toddler is too busy most of the time - it's not as though a three year old is feeding for half an hour every 3 hours like a tiny baby. Or that they are must always be fed when they demand. Or that they can't function without it. It's just a gradual giving up of something they no longer feel they need.

[CruisingTurkey]

Morning Ladies!

I had to go to bead early last night as my mind so full of thoughts and emotions and information!! LOADS of information!!

I can say that I don't know what the answer is, but I am open to whatever comes my way. I dont know how I will feel when my little bean gets here and I cant force anything on myself, and lets face it, a miserable mummy is not a good look ;-) but i find that my views on motherhood and pregnancy keep changing everyday. I guess thats what is supposed to happen, right?

Willowdust - sorry, i wasnt very clear, I was not saying that a partner would be jealous of the act of breastfeeding, but of the intimacy and bonding that he will never experience with his child or partner in the same way. I just feel a bit sorry for them sometimes as once they deliver the swimmers, their physical work is done. They dont carry the baby, they dont give birth, they dont breastfeed.
I know that some people are very upset that society doesnt view the breast as the tool it was supposedly designed for, but to be honest, before falling pregnant (and even still now) my breasts are a sexual organ! I enjoy them that way too. How can something that is connected so strongly to making love not be??? Biologically, before becoming pregnant, arent they supposed to be? Isnt it one of the 'lures' in order to getting pregnant in the first place? I'll take boobs over a purple behind any day!!!
It is true that they have duel roles once the baby comes along, but all the many other members of society who are not mothers or pregnant havent had that switch in their brains flicked, so of course they are going to see it differently. Please dont judge me on my honesty, but I was never comfortable around breastfeeding. Close friends or not, didnt matter. It made me uncomfortable. I cant change that as it is just the way I am. I am a private person. Anyway, I should delete that as I am sure I have just opened another HUGE can of worms, but I guess thats for another thread...........

Mayaness, Lily Dust, Willow5, Cherished1, Jellyfish, Kmn, Babyluv, Nickle730, BriggsysGirl, Ocean Princess (i was so relieved with your and Briggys reply ;-) ) and the list goes on and on, I really want to say thanks ladies. You have trully made an enormous difference and I have learnt so much. No time frames, no pressure. Take it as it comes and hope that I am able to provide for my child with out any major problems.

Yay, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me

[Kmn]

If you are very uncomfortable about breastfeeding, have a look at a thing called a nursing cover or a breastfeeding apron.
Or "invest" in a couple of ginormous men's t-shirts, which pretty much do the same thing but aren't exactly attractive!

[Smoke Jaguar]

You will be amazed at what your boobs can do - this is what got me, in the end; boobs are amazing and can keep your baby alive and thriving all by themselves! I recommend a breastfeeding class (but that might be hard for you to come by), and a subscription to La Leche League, or ABA if there is no LLL in Turkey. It sounds like you need people around you who can support you to start, get through the wrinkly bits of starting and to keep going. You've got enough non-breastfeeding influence around you (we all do!) that getting the right information, having the most useful information and having the right people in place takes a bit more preparation. I'd also recommend getting along to a couple of meetings of your local breastfeeding mums group (if you have LLL) before bub is born. Otherwise, there is BB and the ABA forum (which is ace because their are online counsellors you can organise email contact with.
Dads have plenty they can do - I didn't bath either of my babies for weeks It helps them if they realise that breastfeeding is YOUR job because they don't have boobs. They must also realise, for breastfeeding to work, that babies are wired to rely on mum for survival for many weeks. Dads DO get their time, they just need to support mum to grow the baby before that time comes.
When we're pregnant there's heaps we can't do, so once bub is here it becomes dad's turn to do what he can without taking over your very, irreplaceable job.

[sloane]

i don't think you should delete something because you were honest. it's not wrong to say how you feel - it's not like you were condemning people for feeding in front of you, just expressing your own feelings.

wrt to feeding in front of others & being a private person - i'm the same. i also do not like my boobs & barely want to look at them myself let alone other people getting a flash! i can quite happily say that it didn't impact my ability or desire to feed my son. it's always possible to find some privacy.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I was so amazed by my new superpowers that I lost the inhibition I was convinced I would have, if that helps at all I refused to cover up what was so clearly my boobs primary purpose, after seeing them as dodgy things I didn't want on me (they were larger and always got attention and I hated their shape, thinking they needed to be a 'right' shape). Combined with knowing that babies have no concept of the social overlays of the world they enter and just want that milk, I was able to transcend the limitation of feeding wherever, whenever. I still surprise myself. My babies' right to feed and stay alive really opened up my eyes to a new, freer way to live. I had to confront a lifetime of conditioning, as most of us do.

[briggsy's girl]

Willowdust - sorry, i wasnt very clear, I was not saying that a partner would be jealous of the act of breastfeeding, but of the intimacy and bonding that he will never experience with his child or partner in the same way. I just feel a bit sorry for them sometimes as once they deliver the swimmers, their physical work is done. They dont carry the baby, they dont give birth, they dont breastfeed.

this comes down to the other parent really (whether male or another female) and how they choose to be involved. My DH was, and is, a very hands on Daddy. He felt DD move from 16weeks - he would lay in bed with me while i slept, with his hand on my stomach, for ages, just waiting to see if he felt her. the first time he felt her we were both awake and laying there and he was talking to the baby and felt something - exactly where i did. his eyes lit up, and from that moment, he started to properly bond with her. He would put his head on my stomach all the time, and talk to her - and she became the most accurate kick, hitting his ear nine out of 10 times! Once we found out gender, she was named (same day) and he used to call her by her name, and talk to her. he'd tell her about the footy, about what things they'd get up to. it was really sweet

after her birth, he was there the whole time. he went home only to feed the animals and catch a few hours sleep, but was at the hospital all but about 20 hours of my five day stay. he held her, he helped to settle her, he sat and held my hand (metaphorically) while i worked through attachment issues etc. he was always there. he put her in her first outfit after birth, he laid on the bed with us while i gave her the first feed, watched at the midwife helped me so that he could help later. when we went home, he took over things like nappy changes and baths so i could rest if needed, and then, just because it had become his "thing" and he wanted to do it. if DD didn't fall asleep at the breast, he'd take her and cuddle her to sleep probably half the time. we had a very chucky baby that would throw up when burped after most feeds, so he'd take her for part of that time - it just never became "me caregiver, him observer" - it was both of us sharing her care wherever possible! her bassinet was on his side of the bed, so he'd get up to her in the night, see if he could settle her without boob, then pass her to me to feed while he organised a clean nappy for her. i'd sit up to change her nappy and what side she was feeding from, and he'd lay beside her while her nappy was being changed, just talking to her gently, letting her stroke his beard etc.

when we moved to this house when DD was 18 months old, this was such a routine for everyone. DD still rooms in with us (long house with our bedroom seperate from the rest, and didn't want to move house and put her in her own room at same time - too stressful for everyone) - but her bed is now on my side. if she wakes, DH gets up, walks around the bed, and picks her up - because it's HIS time with her. It's very rare that I am the one to get her, even though she is on my side of the bed

DH and DD share an amazing bond. as do DD and I. They're just built on different things. BF alone does not create an emotional bond. i know my bond with DD is, in part, due to BF, and the relationship we built from that, but i'm also aware that it would be possible to emotionally distance yourself from a BF child and only feed them for nourishment (wet nurses do this). the bond you have with your child takes commitment to actually getting to know them. yes, feeding is one way to bond, but it's definitely not the ONLY way - you have to work on it, no matter your gender.

My DH is now the stay at home parent with DD while i work. being totally honest, even though i still BF her, it's not unusual for her to go to DH for comfort when she is hurting. She goes to whichever care provider (myself, DH or granma) is closest or meets her needs at the time. it has to be a pretty bad ouchie for her to tell Daddy he isn't enough and to ask for me. i can count on one hand the number of times that has happened in the past 6 months! yes, i have the breast feeding aspect, but she doesn't need that to the point that she excludes DH at all. it just hasn't happened here.

i guess the point, after all that waffle, is to not assume that BF is exclusionary of your partner. bonding with your child means that you both have to make an effort. yes, you have that biological side of things, but you've still got to make an effort for both of you to be able to bond. hopefully your OH is as hands on as mine so you can share the responsibilities - and share that amazing bond with your kidlet when it arrives!



ETA - i have fed anywhere and everywhere. like Maya, i thought i'd be someone to cover up all the time, and hide away - but reality was that i didn't need to. i was discreet, but i didn't use other covers or anything. most people didn't know i was feeding unless they were right on top of us, and then it just didn't matter. DD was always an inquisitive kidlet who would pull at covers if i put them up, cos she wanted to know what was going on. i think i went into baby change/feeding rooms maybe 6 times her entire life - not necessarily to hide away, more because there were no chairs at the food court or the ones that were there weren't comfy enough to sit on to feed. i didn't feel it necessary to hide away. no one commented negatively on me feeding - i had a couple of positive ones though! now that DD is older, she doesn't need to feed all the time. she has other drinks, she has solids. if she asks for boob when we're out, i can put her off with a conversation "no honey, we just need to finish the shopping and then we'll go home and you can have boobie there". i am VERY body conscious, so the fact that i could, and would, feed anywhere was a huge revelation for me! i guess i just accepted that her needs surpassed my own issues, and got over it. i didn't want her (or me) to be socially isolated due to the way i fed her, so it was either suck it up, or hide at home all the time. i chose to suck it up

[Cherished]

Things often look different after a good nights sleep My dh has a very strong connection with ds, maybe even more than me! My dh was also very involved with breastfeeding. He learnt what the correct attachment looked like and he would actually put ds on my boob and then prop me up with pillows and get me water. He would also 'walk' ds's bottom lip down if he hadn't attached wide enough. Dh learnt how to do this because attachment was really painful for me in the beginning and all I could do was concentrate on getting through the attachment. I was also really tense after ds was on the boob so dh would push my shoulders down and rub them so that I could relax and enjoy the feeds. This pain only lasted a couple of weeks and wouldn't have been a problem if a couple of the midwives hadn't of roughed up my nipple trying to express colostrum... Don't let them touch your nipples!! But dh still continued to put ds on the boob which was nice as he was still involved with giving his son the milk that he needed. Anyway the point I'm making is that dads can be really involved if they choose to be. My dh also baths ds 4 nights out of 8 and dresses him for bed etc and he plays with him all the time to give me a break. In many ways I'm the one who often feels left out. I hope you like breastfeeding, once upon a time I thought I'd only breastfeed for 6 months but as soon as I was pregnant I knew that I would do it for as long as ds wanted and I'm stoked that he is still going strong with no signs of giving it up as i'd really like to make it to the age of 2. Breastfeeding for those woman that choose to continue with it is often a emotive topic and you have done very well to respond in such a positive way to the feedback you have received in this thread. All I am going to say about boobs being sexual etc is that it's everyone else's problem including yours if you are uncomfortable around a breastfeeding mother. There is nothing more precious than a baby receiving their mothers milk, it is natures way and if the scientific fact that breast milk is what is best for babies doesn't do it for you than you only need to think about what is natural.

[Pip82]

For me it comes down to nature and instinct. How have human beings survived for this long? What did our long ago ancestors do to feed their babies? My guess is that weaning was a long drawn out process not guided by calendars and clocks and employers etc. We are mammals, pure and simple. Things have changed a lot over time by way of technology and expectations of people but the fact that we are mammals hasn't changed. Plus there is all the stuff that has been scientifically researched, and the stuff that hasn't been discovered.

[willow5]

CT even the baboons with purple butts have boobs and use them to feed their babies Surely if they know it's the done thing we can manage to get past our inhibitions and over sexualisation to provide our babies the nourishment and comfort they need, and were designed to have. Sometimes I do wonder why we have so many issues with things like breast feeding, when clearly the less evolved mammals don't. Does evolution mean we get dumber too and refuse to accept that breast is best?

As for the husband or partner feeling like they won't bond because they can't breastfeed, well um that's biology really. They can bond with their child in other ways, cuddling, bathing, changing, playing, burping, talking, massaging, singing, like others have said. I just had my still BFd 2 year old crying at the door because dad went to work, I think they have bonded beautifully. Should the child be deprived of human milk because mum and dad 'think' that bonding won't be even? Do bottle fed babies bond equally with both parents? Maybe maybe not. It would be very unrealistic to think that once you bring a baby into the world that your relationship won't change. Babies need care 24/7 breast fed or not.
You are absolutely allowed to see and enjoy your breasts as a a vessel for sexual pleasure!! But they can do both. I don't think there's any need to deprive a baby of milk which is only beneficial to them when they can quite easily serve both purposes.

[*Danni*]

I totally agree with all the ladies posting in here. What wonderful inspirational words. It's so nice to hear how involved and bonded some of the Dads are too, that's so sweet! So I guess I'm not the only lucky lady around :P

there have been so many amazing words of insight on here that say it all so much better than I can, so I just wanted to say that like you I had some reservations about breastfeeding older babies, and hearing things like the world health organisation recommendations to breastfeed to 2 years and beyond helped my confidence prior and also to fend off any unwanted comments I also did an ABA breastfeeding education course and researched into it a lot. my goal was to get to a year and at 14 months my booby monster looks like he's a long way from stopping and I am totally willing to feed him for as long as he wants to. Why stop something that is clearly making him happy, healthy and strong?

I must say your feelings absolutely change once you are experiencing it yourself, and I will agree that people that aren't mothers yet can be a lot more resistant to the idea of it all, as we probably all were once, but that really shouldn't make a difference to what you do with your own child. It is very much an instinctual thing and very satisfying on so many levels as a mother.

With breastfeeding in public, my boy has ALWAYS been the type of baby that fusses and pulls on and off and gets distracted and wouldnt stand for a cover etc etc so I'm the type you'd most likely see in the parents room if there were one around lol. Although I have become more comfortable that if he really needs it then I will do what needs to be done, wherever that may be, even though I was much more nervous about it in the beginning.

Breastfeeding my son has been the most beautiful and rewarding and bonding experience, I feel so honored to be able to do something so special for my son, after all he came from inside my body and knowing he is continually getting nourishment from my body is very comforting and nature at it's best and the bonus is that it is lovely having that special quiet time together as he is always on the move and go go go that it's the only time I ever get to sit down and enjoy his beautiful little face, whilst knowing I am doing something that only I can do for him and provide to him the best nutrition possible.

Im happy to hear these amazing ladies have opened your eyes and mind to breastfeeding and the wonders of something so natural and beautiful.

Good luck with everything and I hope you are able to have a wonderful, positive breastfeeding relationship, if that is what you choose


Sent from my iPhone, using Tapatalk