Gen Y Embarrased to Breastfeed

[spenceee]

Thanks for the big response,

For some I think the topic has derailed, if you got on with BF whenever wherever and didnt care who stared then Kudos but I didnt start this for you. Telling someone who may be embarrased about getting their boobs out in public that you had no issues is not really helping.

For those who wish to discuss the nature of BF in public and whether or not it should be discreet, overt or inconsequential then maybe another thread should start.

All those who have posted handy hints on maintaining modesty while letting nature do it's thing Big Thanks!!!!

[Jennifer13]

Thanks for the big response,

For some I think the topic has derailed, if you got on with BF whenever wherever and didnt care who stared then Kudos but I didnt start this for you. Telling someone who may be embarrased about getting their boobs out in public that you had no issues is not really helping.

For those who wish to discuss the nature of BF in public and whether or not it should be discreet, overt or inconsequential then maybe another thread should start.

All those who have posted handy hints on maintaining modesty while letting nature do it's thing Big Thanks!!!!

Spencee, many, many threads on BellyBelly go off on tangents once the discussion has matured. This is a good thing, as long as no one is going against our guidelines, and not something to be criticised.

A wholesome discussion does not need to stick to the one original post to have a point in something that relates to a broader social issue.

I hope you got something out of those posts that you felt answered your original queries, but please stay away from having a go at members who've taken your post and other points further.

[Bathsheba]

Haven't read the thread but I have a Gen Y DD (I think) born 1994. And she has watched me BF her 2 younger brothers until only a year ago... ie my youngest was 2yo when we weaned as per the World Health Organisation guidelines. So I'm hoping that I have helped create a comfort zone for her. We are both quite modest females. I BF everywhere... on public transport, banks, cafes you name it... and felt MUCH less embarrassed doing that than having everyone look at me because I had a screaming hungry baby. I had one woman tell me off for having a crying baby on the train but never did anyone tell me off for BFing on it. My 15yo DD witnessed that... I suspect it might influence her somewhat

[SammyRo]

Spencee - I think that by people saying I managed it, is just another way of normalising it, and by normalising it, then hopefully less people will be embarrased by the notion of it.

When I was pg with DD, my SIL, at the time was 13, and she asked about whether I would bf, and even do it in public - we were the first in our family to have children, and so she had never really seen it in progress. TBH, she was a little uncomfortable the first couple of times I got my boobs out and you could see she was trying not to look. But, I think by the time DD was 3months old, she would regularly come sit next to me and chat, and even at times, would stroke DD's head whislt she was bfing - to the SIL, by me bfing wherever and whenever, and not being discreet about it, it normalised the behaviour so that it wasn't weird or embarrasing to her, and I hope that when it comes time for her to have children, she won't think twice about bfing.

As for practical advice, when we were just establishing bf'ing, I found parents rooms really helpful. The first time I did in public at a cafe, I tried using a wrap to cover me up, but found that in attaching DD, and trying to ensure I was covered, I probably exposed even more of myself so quickly gave that idea up! As many have said, when a baby is on the boob, you really don't see much at all. I have bought a couple of cheap singlets to wear under normal tops, so that my belly is still covered - but that's nothing to do with wanting to cover my boobies up - its wanting to cover my jelly belly!

[Inanna]

I think any hesitancy to BF in public says more about our culture viewing women as being sexual creatures who are there for the viewing pleasure of men than anything else. Why else is it ok to "flash the snatch" in a miniskirt but BF in public is seen as on the nose?

Excellent quote Rory!!!

Spencee I think when you post an article such as you have it will give you lots of differing views and opinions. That's the way conversation works...

I feel fairly sure that your wife after breastfeeding for a while will be less inhibited. As women in this country as Rory says larely our bodies are seen as sexual first and foremost. When a woman (& the men around her) begin to see a woman's body as a nurturing organ - when a woman learns the magic of the comfort and nutrition her breasts give to her baby - the whole boob thing really gets a back seat!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Spencee, the point of my post was that if you think there is a need to BF 'discreetly', you are buying into the idea that breasts are embarrasshing when they are performing their primary role. You may not even realise this is what is happening, but that's what you are doing. If people look at your wife whilst she is BF in public they won't be ogling and 'getting off' on her boobs - they will be confronted by the sight because people are used to parents using bottles in public in our society, they may snigger out of ignorance and comment on what she's doing, but they won't be looking at her for arousal, no matter how attractive she is And, you know what? You can't control where others will look, regardless of BF or not, and I think your wife deserves the freedom to BF wherever and whenever without feeling she needs to hide it from people (the worst feeling in the world is wanting to feed and realising there's someone around who doesn't want you to). It does her an injustice, your child and other BFing mummies an injustice. You sounds greatly supportive and our posts have been submitted to support you in being supportive. Lots of research indicates that the success of breastfeeding is 95% the support of their partner, so we like you
And, yes, as a PP mentioned, to reiterate that you want tips on 'modesty' does ignore what we've just shared with you and extend to suggest that we are IMmodest, which we most certainly are not if you say that based on us saying we BF without covers or using dark corners or parent rooms (where I often actually feel the odd one out because most users have seemed to be those using microwaves to heat water for formula).
Particularly with birth and breastfeeding, there are always related topics and social implications, and the subject of much academic research. It's not like asking a question about which spanner to use for furniture assembly IYKWIM.

[spenceee]

Lots of research indicates that the success of breastfeeding is 95% the support of their partner, so we like you

Thanks that is my angle here.

I am not suggesting that people who BF in public are immodest but there should be no problem with people who would like to be discreet for whatever reason.

I mean, regardless of how it is acheived the important part is getting the baby the mother's milk right?

[Curly]

I'm not being cheeky - is it you or your wife who wants discreet breastfeeding? You did say in your original post that you don't like the idea of people "ogling" your wife.

To breastfeed discreetly:

Generally it is easier to wear a separate top and bottom, a top that doesn't crush easily that can be pulled up the chest.

Drape a muslin or something similar over the shoulder of the breast that is being fed from to cover the exposed waist and side of breast. It will be big enough to easily drape over the breast when switching sides and doing the bra back up again. And bub can have a little spew on it too if necessary.

Go to a parent's room where everyone is feeding. Less pressure to keep everything covered there.

Otherwise pick a quiet corner, I guess ideally with her back to everyone.