Gen Y Embarrased to Breastfeed

[sunshine_sieben]

Spencee, I think you misunderstood the intention of our posts.
You posted an article that said that GenY is embarrassed about Bfing in public.
We said: we are GenY (although on the border), we don't feel embarrassed. That is a completely normal response to an article like that, in my opinion.

We posted to refute this questionable survey and also to let others know that there really is nothing to be embarrassed about. Not to say that you are silly for being embarrassed.

And it is true, the more often you hear that some people are embarrassed about BFing, the more likely you are to feel embarrassed, too. I am the prime example of that. As posted earlier, I had no idea that there was a reason to be embarrassed until I heard all those people talking about it and how to cover up. All of a sudden I had qualms about it, too. Fortunately not for long. And you know what, all the wonderful women on BB talking about how they BF in public have certainly helped me feel more "normal" about it.

So I posted my story not to pat myself on the back, but so that others can see it is possible to overcome the awkwardness and BF in public with confidence.

All those who have posted handy hints on maintaining modesty while letting nature do it's thing Big Thanks!!!!

And that is exactly what I mean, I don't make a big song and dance about covering up. But I do still feel that I am maintaining my modesty. Suggesting otherwise is a little offensive. Although I am sure that that's not what you meant to suggest.

[Roryrory]

I just find it bizzare that "Gen Y" women find it embarrasing to BF in public, but very few of the 20-somethings I see (and I see a lot because I work near uber-chic Chapel Street, South Yarra) seem to be embarrased about showing 99% of their legs (skirts so short they look like bandanas), their muffin tops (don't get me started LOL!), their camel toes (leggings are VERY big in Chapel Street), most of their boobs (low cut tops) and all of their back (a la the backless maxidress).

I think any hesitancy to BF in public says more about our culture viewing women as being sexual creatures who are there for the viewing pleasure of men than anything else. Why else is it ok to "flash the snatch" in a miniskirt but BF in public is seen as on the nose?

Off my soap box now.....

[Jennifer13]

Thanks for the big response,

For some I think the topic has derailed, if you got on with BF whenever wherever and didnt care who stared then Kudos but I didnt start this for you. Telling someone who may be embarrased about getting their boobs out in public that you had no issues is not really helping.

For those who wish to discuss the nature of BF in public and whether or not it should be discreet, overt or inconsequential then maybe another thread should start.

All those who have posted handy hints on maintaining modesty while letting nature do it's thing Big Thanks!!!!

Spencee, many, many threads on BellyBelly go off on tangents once the discussion has matured. This is a good thing, as long as no one is going against our guidelines, and not something to be criticised.

A wholesome discussion does not need to stick to the one original post to have a point in something that relates to a broader social issue.

I hope you got something out of those posts that you felt answered your original queries, but please stay away from having a go at members who've taken your post and other points further.

[Bathsheba]

Haven't read the thread but I have a Gen Y DD (I think) born 1994. And she has watched me BF her 2 younger brothers until only a year ago... ie my youngest was 2yo when we weaned as per the World Health Organisation guidelines. So I'm hoping that I have helped create a comfort zone for her. We are both quite modest females. I BF everywhere... on public transport, banks, cafes you name it... and felt MUCH less embarrassed doing that than having everyone look at me because I had a screaming hungry baby. I had one woman tell me off for having a crying baby on the train but never did anyone tell me off for BFing on it. My 15yo DD witnessed that... I suspect it might influence her somewhat

[SammyRo]

Spencee - I think that by people saying I managed it, is just another way of normalising it, and by normalising it, then hopefully less people will be embarrased by the notion of it.

When I was pg with DD, my SIL, at the time was 13, and she asked about whether I would bf, and even do it in public - we were the first in our family to have children, and so she had never really seen it in progress. TBH, she was a little uncomfortable the first couple of times I got my boobs out and you could see she was trying not to look. But, I think by the time DD was 3months old, she would regularly come sit next to me and chat, and even at times, would stroke DD's head whislt she was bfing - to the SIL, by me bfing wherever and whenever, and not being discreet about it, it normalised the behaviour so that it wasn't weird or embarrasing to her, and I hope that when it comes time for her to have children, she won't think twice about bfing.

As for practical advice, when we were just establishing bf'ing, I found parents rooms really helpful. The first time I did in public at a cafe, I tried using a wrap to cover me up, but found that in attaching DD, and trying to ensure I was covered, I probably exposed even more of myself so quickly gave that idea up! As many have said, when a baby is on the boob, you really don't see much at all. I have bought a couple of cheap singlets to wear under normal tops, so that my belly is still covered - but that's nothing to do with wanting to cover my boobies up - its wanting to cover my jelly belly!

[Inanna]

I think any hesitancy to BF in public says more about our culture viewing women as being sexual creatures who are there for the viewing pleasure of men than anything else. Why else is it ok to "flash the snatch" in a miniskirt but BF in public is seen as on the nose?

Excellent quote Rory!!!

Spencee I think when you post an article such as you have it will give you lots of differing views and opinions. That's the way conversation works...

I feel fairly sure that your wife after breastfeeding for a while will be less inhibited. As women in this country as Rory says larely our bodies are seen as sexual first and foremost. When a woman (& the men around her) begin to see a woman's body as a nurturing organ - when a woman learns the magic of the comfort and nutrition her breasts give to her baby - the whole boob thing really gets a back seat!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Spencee, the point of my post was that if you think there is a need to BF 'discreetly', you are buying into the idea that breasts are embarrasshing when they are performing their primary role. You may not even realise this is what is happening, but that's what you are doing. If people look at your wife whilst she is BF in public they won't be ogling and 'getting off' on her boobs - they will be confronted by the sight because people are used to parents using bottles in public in our society, they may snigger out of ignorance and comment on what she's doing, but they won't be looking at her for arousal, no matter how attractive she is And, you know what? You can't control where others will look, regardless of BF or not, and I think your wife deserves the freedom to BF wherever and whenever without feeling she needs to hide it from people (the worst feeling in the world is wanting to feed and realising there's someone around who doesn't want you to). It does her an injustice, your child and other BFing mummies an injustice. You sounds greatly supportive and our posts have been submitted to support you in being supportive. Lots of research indicates that the success of breastfeeding is 95% the support of their partner, so we like you
And, yes, as a PP mentioned, to reiterate that you want tips on 'modesty' does ignore what we've just shared with you and extend to suggest that we are IMmodest, which we most certainly are not if you say that based on us saying we BF without covers or using dark corners or parent rooms (where I often actually feel the odd one out because most users have seemed to be those using microwaves to heat water for formula).
Particularly with birth and breastfeeding, there are always related topics and social implications, and the subject of much academic research. It's not like asking a question about which spanner to use for furniture assembly IYKWIM.

[spenceee]

Lots of research indicates that the success of breastfeeding is 95% the support of their partner, so we like you

Thanks that is my angle here.

I am not suggesting that people who BF in public are immodest but there should be no problem with people who would like to be discreet for whatever reason.

I mean, regardless of how it is acheived the important part is getting the baby the mother's milk right?

[Curly]

I'm not being cheeky - is it you or your wife who wants discreet breastfeeding? You did say in your original post that you don't like the idea of people "ogling" your wife.

To breastfeed discreetly:

Generally it is easier to wear a separate top and bottom, a top that doesn't crush easily that can be pulled up the chest.

Drape a muslin or something similar over the shoulder of the breast that is being fed from to cover the exposed waist and side of breast. It will be big enough to easily drape over the breast when switching sides and doing the bra back up again. And bub can have a little spew on it too if necessary.

Go to a parent's room where everyone is feeding. Less pressure to keep everything covered there.

Otherwise pick a quiet corner, I guess ideally with her back to everyone.

[NaeNae]

I didn't click on the link but just read the quote, i wondered if the people surveyed were randomly selected or were actually ttc or were already parents.

I am gen x and tbh i would have not known bf benefits before i was ttc as i was not in the baby state of mind. i would also have never thought i would bf in public before ttc as i have always been very self conscious about my (lack of) chest.

target do a great range of feeding t-shirts and singlets which are very discrete the irst month while we were both getting the hang of feeding i was very uncomfortable bf anywhere except my home but since we got the hang of it i have no issues feeding dd anywhere. Yes i have had a few people looking, younger men/teenagers/older folk but i just meet their eyes and smile.

dh was more concerned about people seeing my boobs then i was but i told him that if i didn't have an issue then he shouldn't either. i don't cover the fact that i am feeding with a wrap as i think (for me personally) that it draws more attention to what i am doing but i do appreciate why people cover themselves.

Nae x

[Bathsheba]

It's interesting isn't it? I totally agree with Maya's points about breast feeding not being "immodest" but I am by nature a person who doesn't like exposing much of her body (like Rory's imagery) even when i'm not Bfing... it's just how I am... I haven't worn a skirt that shows my undies when i touch my toes since I was about 6yo... maybe some 40yo women still do... but's it's just not me... that's not to say i am ashamed of my body. I was never ashamed to BF... I also hardly ever used parenting rooms because I don't like them. They usually smell for a start because they are lumped in with the nappy change areas. I have used the nicer ones... but I by far preferred just to sit out with everyone else in the cafe where i could chat to my friends and be a PART of society. Anyhow... just thought I would clarify. I essentially believe that you should be able to BF anywhere that is safe and that you would normally take a child to. But I also think it's ok to cover up while you breast feed... I don't think it necessarily means you are ashamed of what you are doing. I don't think i would like to live in a society that made a total turn around and frowned on women who didn't totally open up their tops and let it all hang out. Modesty should be determined by the individual woman... and yes, bottom line is that baby is getting that liquid gold when and where-ever it's needed.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I have to say that I prefer to 'pull down' than 'pull up'. Here is my reasoning: Pulling down means my belly isn't exposed to eyes or cold and I don't have to bother with two layers, especially in hot weather. Pulling down is quicker and means an instant breastfeed when using my Ergo (which means people won't even notice what I"m doing because DD hasn't cried because the boob has reached her mouth in lightning speed!), or even any of my slings for that matter (no pulling fabric out of the waist strap). Pulling down does show the TOP of my boob, but the rest is covered by DD from view and I can tuck it all away into my bra straight away before DD has to pull away. There, that's my tip for quick, fuss-free and 'modest' BFing in public
I am a practical person and generally I make choices to make my life easier and more efficient than for other considerations (though it's great when practical coincides with my aesthetic preferences!). Cross-over tops and dresses are just the bees knees for BFing, home or public. As are stretchy V-necks. I have a wrap cardigan that I got for sling-wearing warmth - it's a long rectangle shape of lovely Italian wool with lurex through it (bit glam) that has sleeves attached to holes for arms and the 'flaps' of the rectangle cross over the baby bump (baby in utero or in a sling, it's a great preggy item) for warmth, and can be used to loosely drape over the baby when feeding to obscure 'side view'. My favourite boutique is in my little town and they know me - I go in and pull down their garments for breastfeeding-friendliness! It's gotta be easy to feed in (cos I'm still feeding my 3.5 yo my gear has to be good for the long-term) or I'm just not interested.
Hey, whaddya know...back on original topic

[Sibbie]

I've been reading this thread but haven't felt the need to post until today - On the train home from work I was reading MX (the syd commuter paper) on the front page there was an article saying that ABA is planning to have a breast feeding awareness day in response to this study, to show gen Y that it's normal. They are encouraging all bfing women to bf in public that day, which will be nice, hopefully it will change some peoples thoughts on bfing

[Lolli]

I've been following this thread, but something happened to me today that i wanted to share. I found out that a guest at a birthday party I was at on the weekend was thoroughly disgusted with me feeding dd, right there, without a blanket over me, while people were eating their lunch (heaven forbid )

And I've heard the same thing discussed in my playgroup. Everyone is very supportive of bf'ing, but a cluster of mums were having a narky whinge about another mum because she was 'showing too much flesh'- she had her top pulled down, showing her boob, instead of one top up, one down. I imagine they are saying the same thing about me now too, I got sick of being hot and sweaty and ditched the layers, and it seems like i'm less nude, pulling it down rather than up I also had a woman rolling her eyes at me when I was walking around a cafe feeding dd (but i was also chasing ds, so i can only imagine she would have been rolling her eyes at me had I let my toddler run feral so I could feed. can't win).

Anyway, my point is, there seems to be yet another sub-culture amongst women- and, i guess, men- bf'ing is best, but only if you cover up. Not nice. Any kind of division is not nice.

I wish we lived in a society where we all just fed, iykwim. Where noone even did these kind of studies because it wasn't necessary. When noone even noticed a women bf'ing, because it was just normal. Where there was no division. Where noone questioned ff'ing mums because everyone could be confident they made their desicions, fully informed and with proper support.

Anyway, that's my wish for world peace And sorry spencee, mate, that didn't even come close to answering your question

[Dotti8]

I am gen x and tbh i would have not known bf benefits before i was ttc as i was not in the baby state of mind. i would also have never thought i would bf in public before ttc as i have always been very self conscious about my (lack of) chest.

ditto for me (except self conscious of large chest).

However since the birth of my DD I have no issue bf'ing in public and actually cried the first time I gave her a bottle of formula after succumbing to pressure from DH and certain other family members who believed it would help her sleep longer at night if a FF was the last of the evening.

Having said that I am actually embarrassed to say that last week I was too uncomfortable to bf my DD at a cafe when having a coffee with a friend. Even though the friend was (a) female (b) mother of an 11 month old and (c) pregnant! She was an FF baby herself and her 11 month DD was FF. My DD got very irritable shortly into the coffee date and I knew she was overtired but probably not hungry. But, she will always take a comfort suck so really I should have given it to her.

I didn't though, and a screaming session ensued. I was just remembering this very friend (during her pregnancy) going on and on about how she wouldn't bf and how she doesn't agree with public bf'ing.

Anyway I took DD to a parents room shortly after.

So if I would bf at a cafe in front of strangers, why not in front of one of my friends?

I guess it is a reflection on both my relationship with her, and the impact of other peoples views expressed in a negative way which left a lasting impression on me.

In a way I feel like I let DD down on that day

[~*Niadalla*~]

bahahaha I'm gen Y and also quite overweight, and I still flopped em out when required. I did cover up so that it wasn't all on show when out. lol

[Smoke Jaguar]

Oh, Dotti Sometimes it can take an experience like this for us to really beat ourselves about the head and make resolutions for the next time - all is not lost, chick There WILL be another chance to stand up for BFing
I was a bit proactive the other weekend at a fire brigade comp with the girlfriends of two of our members. We were all in the tent by the track and DD started to cry, so I pulled up a chair. Nonchalantly I half-turned to them and casually threw out "I don't care what anyone says, when it's your turn remember that breastfeeding is easier". They took the bait and and said "yeah?" and I said "Yup, it's instant, just chuck a boob in the mouth and SILENCE, everyone's happy!". Went back to spectating and just left my advocacy at that - Gen Y'ers primed for their next exposure...so to speak

[Inanna]

Lolli hugs honey that's a far out experience...

I too have encountered these types of reactions. Being suggested it's not okay to breastfeed at a restaurant table, that could I turn around so it's not obvious!

Now, I am not an exhibitionist by any means. However, I couldn't give a flying jump what anyone thinks when I have a baby wanting food/comfort/nurture... So that booby comes out as quickly as possible.

I actually DO think it's an issue that we are so afraid (as a society and sometimes as individuals) to feed in certain situations (Dotti ditto what Maya said & big hugs ) or around certain people. Again, it's because our bodies particularly our breasts are those things oggled in mens magazines & motorbike commercials. Yet, they have an amazing purpose! To nurture, comfort and calm our children!

As another poster said almost every part of our body can be sexual depending on ones leanings... A vagina often allows a penis in - but it also allows a baby out!

Breastfeeding as birth was put behind doors. Something personal and private. When it's just feeding our babies!!! I always always look when I see a breastfeeding Mama. I always smile & think - good on ya girl! Not oggling the breast or the woman - but admiring the act...

So, I have to say I am not in favour of the shielding of breastfeeding - as the more it comes out the more acceptable I think it will be.

Because, it still is not - especially as children get older. You are asked when you will stop, why it's needed... "it's a bit "sick" isn't it? stated not really asked of me by an older relative whilst feeding my 2 year old...

So, to all those y'ers - I hope tht there is enough of us - older generation! who can model the okayness of breastfeeding - & it's naturalness & beauty.