Being raised by a mother who breastfed all of her children (me being the hardest), it seemed only natural for me breastfeed my child. My mum is proud of the fact she breast fed all of us. She suffered from cracked nipples, bleeding, engorgement and mastitis with me, and then went on to feed for 2 years. Did these tales of woe put me off or inspire me to continue. I can say certainly the latter. To be honest i had always told myself that I wouldn’t go through what my mother endured for me. MY baby would be perfect. She would feed without issue and it would be such an easy and beautiful thing.
Was it? No.
Right from the start DD has a vacuum powered suck. Even the nurses and LC's i saw were amazed at the power of that little girls suck. It hurt. BAD. I was determined to continue.
Two days after i left hospital i started to get a headache. I was severely engorged and i felt wrecked. I started to get a lovely red streak on my right breast. I visited the hospitals LC and she said you need antibiotics, that’s Mastitis. What would she know?? I thought i would wait and see. That night i was hit with the worst flu symptoms i ever had. I was weak. I was burning up and I could barely hold my baby. My breast was on fire and swollen and SO painful. I felt like i was dying. The fever eventually broke and the gp gave me some antibiotics. My mantra was FEED IT OUT! I fed and expressed. I sat in the bath and massaged and pushed that milk out. Eventually it started to clear. I started to feel normal again.
A week after she was born, It was a Monday night (embedded in my memory), the little poppet and i had a horrible night of bad attachment. She actually took a chunk out of my right nipple and butchered the left. I was in tears. Tuesday morning rolled around and i remember sitting on the edge of my chair holding my precious baby sobbing to my husband that i couldn’t feed our little baby. I was crying, she was crying and the poor man was lost and just hugged me. Ever the planner, he went into action and asked what our alternatives were. I said it was formula, which i didn’t want to do. "So don’t. What else can we do?" he asked. I remember reading on here about feeding a baby from a cup, so they can lick it out like a kitten. He said “you express and i will calm the baby”. So there we were eventually, him holding our little bundle and me trying to feed out little girl from a cup. She was NOT impressed. More tears ensued. Next step he said "look i will go get some shields. You call your mum". My knight in shining armour went and bought some shields. My mum came and calmed me down and our baby was able to feed back on her beloved breast.
Then I got mastitis for a second time. It hit the left breast. I endured the same series of symptoms. I visited the gp again. Second dose of antibiotics. I must say BellyBelly was a life saver for me. Someone was always there to support me. Someone was always there to offer advice and suggestions. Someone always told me to keep going. The ABA was invaluable too.
I started re searching what else i could do to combat this evil thing called Mastitis. It hit me a THIRD time. I took garlic. raw. sliced. Like a tablet. gross. It worked. I took 8g of vitamin c a day. It broke the fever and lessened the extent of the burning. Meanwhile my LC was great. She tried everything with me to keep me going.
Then i discovered Poke Root. My MIL sourced it for me from her Naturopath. The FOURTH time mastitis hit i was on to it with Poke Root. This was my wonder drug. It prevented the fever getting as bad and reduced the severity of the burning and pain. Then i tried ultrasound as recommended by one of my BellyBelly support team . It broke up the lumps and made my breasts soft again. Bliss.
FIFTH time came around. I was prepared. I used ultrasound. I used feeding positions. I used garlic. I used Vitamin c. I used Poke Root. I survived.
After about 10 weeks, my nipples healed. I changed LC and they discovered that despite DD's attachment being perfect, her mouth wasn’t. She has a bubble palette and so she cant get my breast in far enough, and ends up mashing it in the little bubble she has for a roof of her mouth. The shields stayed so i could keep going.
She still feeds with the shields. She wont come off them. Since being born she has stayed in the 75th percentile for weight despite my FIVE bouts of mastitis and feeding from shields.
Did i ever feel like i was lost? Yes.
Did i ever feel hopeless? Yes.
Was i a mess? Yes.
Did i give up? No.
It has now been nearly 8 months of breast feeding my baby. I actually love feeding her now. I can watch her snuggle in and watch me out the corner of her eye. She comes off and gurgles at me like she has just remembered to tell me something while she is feeding. I have the power to calm her down. I have the power to put her to sleep. She bonds with me, she plays with me and she loves me all while she is suckling away. I know that i am sustaining her the best way i can. I am giving her something pure and with the best nutrition available. I am preparing her to fight disease, to be strong and have the best shot at health she can.
It wasn’t easy for me. It was hard work. I had to be determined. I had to fight against my own body to succeed. But succeed we did and i wouldn’t change anything in the world for being able to give my child that start.
I couldn’t afford to think “This is too hard”, or “I can’t do this”, or “I give up”, otherwise I would have. I had to believe it myself and the good I was doing.
Some people claim they climbed Everest. I climbed my own mountain called Breastfeeding and I made it. I hope everyone can.
What a fantastic and inspiring story. I can see myself coming back and reading this when I have my 'dark moments' when feeding my soon-to-be baby again.
I'm lost for words. I'm so proud of you!
It's not to say that those who can't/won't breastfeed love their child any less but wow, what an example of what a mother's love can overcome
It was very hard for me too in terms of pain issues/management at the start and I'd previously assumed my road would be an easy one because before giving birth I'd had zero fear of BF, only super enthusiasm. So it is not always easy breezy no matter how committed you are, but I think it's that commitment that keeps you going with BF.
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The mountain that is Breastfeeding
. It broke up the lumps and made my breasts soft again. Bliss.
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