Deb, I wish I had of seen your post earlier. You sound EXACTLY like me when Aidan was the same age. People would ask me how hard work it was having a baby, and I said the ONLY hard thing was breastfeeding. I'll never forget how hard I thought everything was in the first month. Aidan was big and hungry and before my milk came in he was recommended to be there sucking to stimulate supply - it hurt so much I would sob in pain. Anyway..... I bought a breat pump and that was my first step to feeling guily. I returned to b/f instead of expressing as soon as my nipples were better which only took a few days, but it was funny, I then found myself expressing for no reason and bottle feeding Aidan! I was so over b/f that I found a way to avoid it without Aidan missing out on the goodies! I think for me this really helped, I had a great supply so was able to express and store in fridge and freezer which came in handy when ppl would drop over or when we went out (I dont know why, but I just cant get my boob out, I feel SO self concious, which I hated myself for but couldnt change). I think Aidan was about 3 months when I decided on a comp feed (2nd step to guilt), and now, at 4 months, I b/f twice a day and formula feed twice a day. Personally I am really enjoying this routine and I feel now that I am happy I may continue to b/f for a lot longer than I would have if I was solely b/f. Having said that, I dont want to recommend giving it up, as I can easily imagine missing it once I stop. Persevere for as long as YOU can (dont worry about other opinions, who cares!)

HTH

Jess