not a birth story... but something just as big (long)
I posted earlier about my BF'ing goals for this baby after very unsuccessful BF'ing with my DS - a combination of flat nipples and a mouth-breathing little bubbba boy who was later found to have food allergies. He was supplemented with FF from birth (I was GD + insulin, so admission to SCN and FF given to improve BSL's). After 2 months of BF'ing (constantly falling off the nipple shield to breath), comp feeding, expressing we gave up BF'ing altogether and I exclusively expressed - only then did I finally get my supply up. He got EBM until he turned 1. In our family we all have dietary issues (malabsorptions, allergies, sensitivities) and both DS & DH have eczema also.
So, this time around I had many goals to try get a better BF'ing result and also to do my utmost to avoid FF in those crucial early days. I engaged an LC prior to birth, went to ABA class, expressed colostrum prior to birth. Additionally I was having an elective c-section, which could certainly mean extra complications in terms of breathing, alertness, and of course I was GD + insulin again, so another SCN admission for baby. My LC happens to work at my hossie, so had worded up our paed as to what we were trying to achieve. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I wanted to give it my best shot.
Last friday we went in, frozen colostrum (about 30ml) with us. I was wishing I had more but hoping it would be enough to help us through. The c-section itself went very well (4pm), and DD came out looking VERY alert. Breathing was excellent and APGARs 9 and 9. We started skin to skin in recovery and she latched on - WOW - DS had not done that! Boy did I have a big smile on my face. She's got a fine suck, and promptly gave me a few hickies - she wasn't managing to get the nipple drawn back enough, but I was just thrilled to have started. We gave her some expressed colostrum (by syringe) as her first BSL was 2.7 - on the low side. The next few feeds and she was up at 3.9 and looking really good, but my storage was low. General consensus was that she was going to damage my nipples too much if I tried to attach, so I was expressing again (between vomits hmm ). By 3am we'd used up our store and an SCN staff member came rushing in saying, said we're busy can you pls express some more colostrum. I said yes and she raced away. I realised I couldn't reach the light switches that I needed, I had my glasses on, flat on my back (very difficult to even SEE my nipples) and no-one was answering the call button. I waited a while, kept pressing. Eventually a nurse appeared with a baby and said so sorry i'm the only one.. I explained that I just needed some light. Then the SCN nurse comes back, have you got it yet - I'm starting to get quite upset, feeling stuck flat on my back and helpless and RUSHED - I started crying. She left the room. 5 mins later she comes in, peered at my colostrum dismissively and said well can you express some more that's not enough, she'll have to have some formula... I continued to cry and asked for my assigned midwife (who understood my goals). She said ok and left. My middie had been caught up in birth suites - came in to see me desperately trying to expressing and sobbing my heart out. I couldn't stop thinking that DD wasn't even 12 hours old and I wasn't ready to fail because I couldn't turn on the frickin' light!
So my middie goes to SCN and fights the good fight. They called my paed (3am) - and he (bless him) backed me up, and said it's fine, no FF, she can keep expressing. The next two days got a little better, but was punctuated with more middies informing me that I would "never be able to feed with those nipples". My LC was a rock of support answering texts, encouraging, coming in to write up a BF'ing plan (on saturday night!), ensuring that EVERYONE knew. My paed was telling me not too worry that babies are designed to get hungry. So saying, all the stress didn't help. I was getting less and less colostrum. We upped the expressing to 2 hourly around the clock. My mum and DH were on a roster to come & assist. DD was being syringe or cup fed. And I was only getting about .1 or .2ml from 30 minutes expressing. It was heartbreaking and we prepared ourselves for the fact we might have to give her FF. I felt I was on an expressing marathon. But on the bright side, I was recovering incredibly well from the c-section. My pelvic instability had disappeared instantly (had arrived at hossie on crutches), and it was just so wonderful to be able to walk pain-free again. And of course, no more pesky BSL's & insulin either.
Sunday afternoon (day 3), the paed has kept DD in SCN (2 days) because as he said - then one person takes responsibility. She was essentially rooming with me nearly all the time. We were trying to do plenty of skin-to-skin. Her BSL's were still being monitored and had settled to 3.3 but seemed quite stable. She was also starting to look jaundiced. We do our day 3 weigh and measure with the SCN nurse. She hadn't lost quite 10% however I got more dismissive words about needing the jaundice test asap and that the weight loss wasn't good. I was sad that it hadn't been a more fun experience as I remembered loving the day 3 weigh & measure with him. Yet another middie came in to see me. I'd actually managed to get 1ml and was rather chuffed. The middie wasn't.was saying did I want to attach her and that I had to be confident. Well of course i'm not confident I thought, I've no history to be confident with - but that's not the point. She goes, I ring my LC again, in tears. Decide to do some pump time (for stimulation) as everyone says I can't collect colostrum in it. DH is holding DS... "OMG". Look at your pump. And there they were...delicious drops dripping and falling into the bottle... PUDDLING in the bottle. 8 ml. I've never been so happy to see 8ml of fluid in my entire life. Next express... 14 ml (apparently my LC was running around her house with the biggest grin on her face). And from there onwards and upwards. Sunday arvo the jaundice test came back ok. DD got discharged from SCN. I continued expressing 3 hourly, it felt so much easier than 2 hourly and I was trying to make sure I managed to get as much rest as I could. Very few visitors - I didn't have time.
Despite the bad middie experiences in there (funny how they stick out!), there was also another core of middies & nurses who were cheering for me the whole time, who encouraged, who praised, who helped bring a smile to my face. On monday morning the middie from the previous day (of .1's and .2's) came tearing in my room unable to contain her joy at the 20ml feed on the chart! I rang for some pain meds at one point and got an unfamiliar middie who promptly started telling me how wonderful I was - I was realised that my story was being discussed. It felt weird but nice. I also had many positive comments on the sign we'd made for DD's crib: I am learning to breastfeed.
("L" plate picture)
Pease don’t give me any teats or dummies.
Mummy’s boobies are pretty tricky and I don’t want to get confused.
So, by discharge (Weds) she'd gained 140g and we're now attaching with a nipple shield and still doing some feeds/top-ups with finger & syringe. We know that we'll potentially need to look at different ways of supplementing her, as the volumes get bigger, a syringe isn't maintainable, but we're going to work through that with our LC. She's the world of difference on the breast compared to DS. She has a great suck, no mouth-breathing at ALL, and very motivated little feeder. At present I'm still getting a lot of pain as we feed, so am hoping to resolve that too - we might be looking at a different nipple shield. But I'm watching for signs of nipple damage like a hawk and my most recent feed today was the most painless so far - and ALL on the breast .
So I just wanted to get this story out. To be honest, I can't quite believe we've made it this far - only 6 days but SUCH a crucial start for me. Writing this has brought it all back in an amazing and emotional way. I was so proud to give my son EBM for all those months. If I can give my daughter BREASTFEEDING... I can't find the words to describe what it would mean.
And for the people who helped us, most especially our LC, but also the paed and other staff - what an indescribable gift they have given us. I know I couldn't have done this without their help. And hopefully I'll be back with more successful updates
You go girl! I admit - I had to scroll down to the end to find out how it all worked out (then I read your whole story) You are doing such a brilliant job. But how terrible that you had to endure such a difficult time. How much easier it would have been for you if others had confidence in your body and your baby. You know, not much of your story was out of the norm.
Today Dr Jenni James has made headlines (many negative) for suggesting that mothers want to breastfeed and need more support to do it. I think your story completely illustrates your point. It shouldn't BE dependant on if you get a "good" midwife or not - they should all have the skills.
Well done you - keep us informed of your progress - we'll all be here ready to cheer and to help!
Well done Belfie!
Barb is so right, we should all take that care and support for granted. What an absoltely crying shame that you have to fight for it.
I'll be keen to hear more updates - hope you're enjoying lots of newborn snuggles in amongst all that!
Thank you so much so sharing! You should be so proud of all you have achieved for both your children and the education you have given all the medical staff involved!
Just wanted to tell you that YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!
What a great job you have done so far you really should be soooooo proud of what you have achieved.
Well done and i hope it continues and we will all be here cheering for you
Congratulatiosn Belfie you should be so proud of yourself and all the effort you have put in, hopefully the not so supportive middies will have learned from your determination. You may have left a bit of a legacy at that hospital to encourage them to be more supportive. We can only hope. I got a little teary when you said you could see big delicious drops from the pump....congrats again
Well done Belfie! I am so happy that everything is going well and can't congratulate you enough for holding your ground and taking the stance that you did. You are wonderful!!
Great work Belfie!! Hoping this is just the beginning and before you know it it's second nature to you - you will be able to BF while talking on the phone making a sandwich and updating BB all at the same time LOL
Your little girl is gorgeous BTW
not a birth story... but something just as big (long)
). By 3am we'd used up our store and an SCN staff member came rushing in saying, said we're busy can you pls express some more colostrum. I said yes and she raced away. I realised I couldn't reach the light switches that I needed, I had my glasses on, flat on my back (very difficult to even SEE my nipples) and no-one was answering the call button. I waited a while, kept pressing. Eventually a nurse appeared with a baby and said so sorry i'm the only one.. I explained that I just needed some light. Then the SCN nurse comes back, have you got it yet - I'm starting to get quite upset, feeling stuck flat on my back and helpless and RUSHED - I started crying. She left the room. 5 mins later she comes in, peered at my colostrum dismissively and said well can you express some more that's not enough, she'll have to have some formula... I continued to cry and asked for my assigned midwife (who understood my goals). She said ok and left. My middie had been caught up in birth suites - came in to see me desperately trying to expressing and sobbing my heart out. I couldn't stop thinking that DD wasn't even 12 hours old and I wasn't ready to fail because I couldn't turn on the frickin' light! 
.
BF'ing Belfie.
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