starting solids / my parents driving me nuts!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks, everyone.

So I figure the first thing I'll do is tell them that they can give her water but not juice. Should I let them keep giving her banana? I was going to just give her rice cereal for a few weeks but I guess that's kinda gone out the window.

I don't have a GP right now cos he told me to put her on formula (without weighing her or even seeing her), and I haven't seen the child health nurse for ages. Hopefully I can sort out a way for them to see the child health nurse with me so she can tell them, though I'm kind of worried because I've heard lots of stories about the nurses being, well, a bit daft, and I doubt my parents will listen anyway! I guess it's the only thing I can do, though.

I am so tired of everyone railroading my parenting hey, like DDs dad telling me she's lost weight and now my parents telling me to start giving her lots of extra liquids and solids, arrrgh! I'm the one who has ALL the responsibility for her and takes care of her pretty much by myself, what I say should be the law!!

[LimeSlice]

Everyone seems to be being really tactfula dn nice and all that rubbish, but quite franklly it doesnt seem to be working...

You live with them dont you? I understand that that will make things difficult but you really need to put your foot down - this is not about their feelings, or even them understanding whats going on - its YOUR DAUGHTERS HEALTH AND WELL BEING at stake here.

You are the parent, step up and lay down the law - tell them to STOP FEEDING HER AND STOP GIVING HER DRINKS. FULL STOP. nothing more, nothing less. If they have a problem with that then its just their tough luck. You need to do whats best for your daughter, and its not them.

Sorry ...ymo, but if you let them keep doing it, they are going to walk all over you and your parenting forever.

Good luck!

[sushee]

It's hard standing up to your parents, and if you do, they'll likely sulk for ages and things will be uncomfortable, but if you do not set boundaries with them now, this is only the start of them undermining your parenting, and you will have a fight with them about every aspect of child-rearing from here on in.

My mother is a very opinionated woman, who railroaded my sister into raising her children the way my mother believes they should be raised, and I very much went against the grain of my mother's ideas of parenting by BFing, only introducing solids at 6 months, refusing to put cereal in my baby's bottle (considering he wasn't bottlefed either!), refusing to control cry, refusing to allow anyone to smoke near him, not allowing him soft drinks or lollies, parenting gently and a whole host of ideas she believed I held to the detriment of my baby.

We fought often about these issues, but now Charlie is almost two, she concedes that a lot of the things I did were the right things to do after all. And even if she didn't, I can live with knowing I made my own decisions about my baby, even if it meant drawing a line in the sand with my mother. My sister to this day defers to my mother's opinion on everything to do with her kids. That would be my worst nightmare!

[sangie]

I'm sorry you are being put in this position BS, its so hard when family think that 'they' know best.

I agree with some of the other comments and I really think you need to stand up to them and tell them exactly what you want or don't want them to do. They will be upset and maybe offended but in the long run you have to protect your baby and her welfare is way too important.

My MIL was very opinionated concerning my DD and would tell me that I 'must give her solids at 4 months or else she will 'starve' and that by not giving her solids I was 'impairing her brain development'. Then she almost fed my DD chocolate mousse! Luckily I saw her before DD had any. I ended up sitting her down and having a really good chat about it and she was a little upset but now its all water under the bridge and we get along better than ever. She realises that I have different parenting ideas to her and respects my decisions.

Anyway sorry for the rant but this is a common issue for many mums and dads and I think like Sushee said if you don't voice your opinions now this will continue throughout your DDs childhood. Hugs hun :hugs:

[Jennifer13]

Oh Babysocks, after all the hassles you've been having and now to have this.

My advice (after dealing with a very difficult MIL) is the following:

This is YOUR baby, not theirs. You are her mother and you are raising her. Your viewpoint and your standards are what need to be followed here. And be very assertive on this front.

Babies do not need anything other than bm for the first six months. They do not need juice EVER (my toddler still does not have it). It is very bad for her developing/emerging teeth and that can have repercussions later, because it can damage the bed the adult tooth has to grow in. I wouldn't even suggest they give her water - there is no need to compromise on your viewpoint. If they have expressed bm on hand, they can give her that.

Babies should not have egg white for the first 12 months to reduce the chance of allergies/intolerance. Ditto for nuts until two years. This is not IN CASE they have an allergy but to PREVENT them developing an intolerance or allergy. Their little immune systems can react to these foods by developing antibodies that attack rather than digest the potential allergens. By avoiding these foods until your DD's immune system is more robust she has a better chance of not developing an allergy. I don't remember the entire list that was given to me from my MHCN, hospital, etc, but it included strawberries, dairy apart from ricotta cheese and yoghurt and some other things.

Your viewpoint on junk/snack food may be different to mine, so I'll leave that ball in your court for AFTER she is six months old.

If your parents don't believe you that is neither here nor there. She is your daughter and you have the right to request that her care be given in the manner you would like it to be. I never leave my DD with my MIL unsupervised 'cause she cannot be trusted to go along with my wishes in regards to food. I don't consider myself a food nazi, I am trying to ensure my DD gets the best possible HEALTHY start to life!

Sorry if that comes across as a bit of a rant but I HATE it when I hear a mother being undermined!!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks everyone.

So I told them that they can give her water if they want but not juice (since I gave her some water just to see if she really was thirsty and she just played with the bottle, so I knew she wouldn't drink it) and they said that was fine, agreed it would be better etc. So my mum took her for 1/2 hour or so this morning so I could sleep a bit longer and when she brings her back into me, "I just put a little juice in water?" WHAAAT? BUT I SAID NOT TO WTF?!??!?!?! Grrr! They AGREED with me, so why did they do it?! AND they gave her banana again!

Tonight, she wants to sit down and have a "talk" (yay) so I figure that's the perfect opportunity to explain to them that they must stop this. TBH I feel like i've opened a pandoras box by giving her rice cereal in the first place, I wish i'd waited another month or so.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Baby Socks, sounds like my mum.

I tell her I want to BF for at least a year, I am called disgusting and there's no need for that.

I tell her that if DS has dairy he's up crying all night, even though he loves cheese, so no dairy... she tries to feed him ice-cream.

I am "cruel" for no juice, no chocolate... I do give DS biscuits, the odd bit of cake and I sometimes feel he lives on rice cakes, but that's my choice. It's not cruel to not feed a baby cake every day, or to not add sugar to his porridge (something she did when she made it... DS is happy without so why add it?).

I'm sorry to say that I cannot say anything that makes her listen to me. So I cannot leave him with her even for a half-hour sit-down. I'm his mother, I make the choices, if you don't abide by them then you don't look after DS. In fact, the nursery I use has a photo of my mum with "under no circumstance is this woman to look after Liebling" written underneath it! That's how serious I am about it. No, I haven't told her yet about that one LOL.

You are the Mummy now. That means no sleep. That means getting up when you want a lie-in. That means protecting your baby from harmful influences, even when those influences are the grandparents. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I had a baby screaming at me from 1.30-4.30 this morning, am in severe pain, need sleep (that lasts more than a half-hour nap) and want a break but if the choice was my having a break and my mother looking after DS, I would choose no break. It's a hard life. But it is your child who will suffer if you let this continue.

[kristy J]

Hey

You have heaps of good advice here, so im not going to say too much.
All i say to people is: "it"s my way or the highway, look after My baby MY way or don't come near us at all". sounds *****y but they will get the point.

Stand your Ground

Good luck.

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks, everyone.
Unfortunately there is no one else who can take Aurelia and I simply can't function without sleep. I don't have a partner I can give her to for an hour or two so that I can catch up on sleep, and at the end of the day, if i'm so tired i'm passing out and waking up to Aurelia crying with no idea how long i've been unconscious, then that isn't a solution any more than allowing my parents to give Aurelia juice and junk is.

I've spoken to them and they haven't gone against me (yet). When they want to give her solids, they ask me first, which is good. Now she's just having solids occasionally rather than every day, which is what I wanted in the first place. And now that i've got more milk, half the time, she doesn't want any of it anyway. They're going to take her this sunday for me, and i've got stacks of EBM for them to take so they won't need to give her anything but milk anyway.

Thanks again for your help, everyone <333

[LimeSlice]

Well done hun!
Glad to hear everything seems to be on the up and up!

[~Saram~]

I feel your pain! When DS was a baby our family was exactly the same - lucky for us he hated solids so he would spit out whatever they tried to give him. However they did keep offering it and I'm sure I'm still known as the solids nazi especially to DH's side of the family. Be strong and hit them with all the research you can find about early intro of soilds and the harm it can cause. iwish I can find the articles but my fav is the WHO which says nothing but BM for the first 6 mths. Another good one is that early intro of too many solidscan cause celiacs disease (gluten intolerence) in later life this is particulary related to when babies are trying to rely on soilds for their primary source of nutrition before 6-9mths. (ie they eat soilds have no room for milk so the body is trying to digest soilds before they are ready to digest - like you said it's more about taste and texture until about 9mths)

You can also tell them that the gut of the baby is actually immature to digest all this stuff before 6-9mths and they risk your bub developing allegies and gut problems. Also telling them they can change the stinky - undigested nappies might help too :-) Wish you all the best and try and stay strong!

[nay23]

OH MY GOD!!!!!!
I couldnt believe this when I read it! Then I read it getting worse!!
I don't know what I would do, especially when you live with them! i just wanted to let you know I feel for you and it sucks!
I guess all you can do is get as much information as you can, print it off from the net, go to your GP or health nurse. Even the library is sure to have stuff. Point out that NO ONE advocates (sp) giving nuts or honey under 12 months! Maybe put the reading material on the dining table or in the loo so they can read it whenever they want!
I cant believe your parents and i hope that the penny drops soon and they realise your the parent and its your rules no matter what they think!
Just remember most of the time people bag your parenting style cos they feel like a bad parent for the things that they did! They just want reassurance that your not saying the way they did it was bad, but they didn't have all the info we have now!
Not that I think they are right! Just mis informed!
Good luck Ill keep an eye on this thread, let us know if things get better!
xox