starting solids / my parents driving me nuts!

[Jennifer13]

Oh Babysocks, after all the hassles you've been having and now to have this.

My advice (after dealing with a very difficult MIL) is the following:

This is YOUR baby, not theirs. You are her mother and you are raising her. Your viewpoint and your standards are what need to be followed here. And be very assertive on this front.

Babies do not need anything other than bm for the first six months. They do not need juice EVER (my toddler still does not have it). It is very bad for her developing/emerging teeth and that can have repercussions later, because it can damage the bed the adult tooth has to grow in. I wouldn't even suggest they give her water - there is no need to compromise on your viewpoint. If they have expressed bm on hand, they can give her that.

Babies should not have egg white for the first 12 months to reduce the chance of allergies/intolerance. Ditto for nuts until two years. This is not IN CASE they have an allergy but to PREVENT them developing an intolerance or allergy. Their little immune systems can react to these foods by developing antibodies that attack rather than digest the potential allergens. By avoiding these foods until your DD's immune system is more robust she has a better chance of not developing an allergy. I don't remember the entire list that was given to me from my MHCN, hospital, etc, but it included strawberries, dairy apart from ricotta cheese and yoghurt and some other things.

Your viewpoint on junk/snack food may be different to mine, so I'll leave that ball in your court for AFTER she is six months old.

If your parents don't believe you that is neither here nor there. She is your daughter and you have the right to request that her care be given in the manner you would like it to be. I never leave my DD with my MIL unsupervised 'cause she cannot be trusted to go along with my wishes in regards to food. I don't consider myself a food nazi, I am trying to ensure my DD gets the best possible HEALTHY start to life!

Sorry if that comes across as a bit of a rant but I HATE it when I hear a mother being undermined!!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks everyone.

So I told them that they can give her water if they want but not juice (since I gave her some water just to see if she really was thirsty and she just played with the bottle, so I knew she wouldn't drink it) and they said that was fine, agreed it would be better etc. So my mum took her for 1/2 hour or so this morning so I could sleep a bit longer and when she brings her back into me, "I just put a little juice in water?" WHAAAT? BUT I SAID NOT TO WTF?!??!?!?! Grrr! They AGREED with me, so why did they do it?! AND they gave her banana again!

Tonight, she wants to sit down and have a "talk" (yay) so I figure that's the perfect opportunity to explain to them that they must stop this. TBH I feel like i've opened a pandoras box by giving her rice cereal in the first place, I wish i'd waited another month or so.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Baby Socks, sounds like my mum.

I tell her I want to BF for at least a year, I am called disgusting and there's no need for that.

I tell her that if DS has dairy he's up crying all night, even though he loves cheese, so no dairy... she tries to feed him ice-cream.

I am "cruel" for no juice, no chocolate... I do give DS biscuits, the odd bit of cake and I sometimes feel he lives on rice cakes, but that's my choice. It's not cruel to not feed a baby cake every day, or to not add sugar to his porridge (something she did when she made it... DS is happy without so why add it?).

I'm sorry to say that I cannot say anything that makes her listen to me. So I cannot leave him with her even for a half-hour sit-down. I'm his mother, I make the choices, if you don't abide by them then you don't look after DS. In fact, the nursery I use has a photo of my mum with "under no circumstance is this woman to look after Liebling" written underneath it! That's how serious I am about it. No, I haven't told her yet about that one LOL.

You are the Mummy now. That means no sleep. That means getting up when you want a lie-in. That means protecting your baby from harmful influences, even when those influences are the grandparents. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I had a baby screaming at me from 1.30-4.30 this morning, am in severe pain, need sleep (that lasts more than a half-hour nap) and want a break but if the choice was my having a break and my mother looking after DS, I would choose no break. It's a hard life. But it is your child who will suffer if you let this continue.

[sushee]

Actually my mother has also never sat for Charlie, either. Not once, not ever. She used to ask all the time but now doesn't - she knows my reasons quite well now. For me, it's just that I simply don't trust her to not do things like smoke in front of him (he's asthmatic) or give him soft drinks, and I honestly don't believe she would respect the boundaries I have in place if she wasn't supervised, so if that means I have to take a sickie from work (for the 3rd time in a month) rather than leave him at her house, then that's what I do.

BS, I know you live with your parents and they are your only support base atm, but hunny they're not listening to you. They're paying lip service to your complaints but then doing whatever they feel like. You now have to choice of putting your foot down (and not allowing them to look after your baby unsupervised) or realising that they're going to do whatever they feel like when you're not watching. You have to make the decision as to what you're prepared to live with, I'm afraid, and I wish they were more sensitive to your wishes as a parent, but it doesn't sound like that's happening tbh. If she's anything like my mum (and she sounds it) it'll be agreement to your face but open slather behind your back. I honestly hope the talk does some good, but I can't help being a bit skeptical about whether it will.

[Liz]

I agree with Sushee. If having the MCHN or GP tell them directly what to give bub & what not to give bub doesn't work, then it's a bit of a pickle, coz it sounds like they'll just go ahead and do whatever they want.

I guess if you're willing to "compromise" for the sake of peace.. you could pre-prepare a heap of baby food that you're happy with, or say which fresh fruit you're happy with (I'd be happy with banana personally). Have pureed veges & fruit (frozen) ready to go if they think she's hungry. Don't have any empty bottles around the house - have them full and ready to go.. either with water or EBM (preferably EBM).

Good luck.