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Thread: starting solids / my parents driving me nuts!

  1. #19

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    Oh Babysocks, after all the hassles you've been having and now to have this.

    My advice (after dealing with a very difficult MIL) is the following:

    This is YOUR baby, not theirs. You are her mother and you are raising her. Your viewpoint and your standards are what need to be followed here. And be very assertive on this front.



    Babies do not need anything other than bm for the first six months. They do not need juice EVER (my toddler still does not have it). It is very bad for her developing/emerging teeth and that can have repercussions later, because it can damage the bed the adult tooth has to grow in. I wouldn't even suggest they give her water - there is no need to compromise on your viewpoint. If they have expressed bm on hand, they can give her that.

    Babies should not have egg white for the first 12 months to reduce the chance of allergies/intolerance. Ditto for nuts until two years. This is not IN CASE they have an allergy but to PREVENT them developing an intolerance or allergy. Their little immune systems can react to these foods by developing antibodies that attack rather than digest the potential allergens. By avoiding these foods until your DD's immune system is more robust she has a better chance of not developing an allergy. I don't remember the entire list that was given to me from my MHCN, hospital, etc, but it included strawberries, dairy apart from ricotta cheese and yoghurt and some other things.

    Your viewpoint on junk/snack food may be different to mine, so I'll leave that ball in your court for AFTER she is six months old.

    If your parents don't believe you that is neither here nor there. She is your daughter and you have the right to request that her care be given in the manner you would like it to be. I never leave my DD with my MIL unsupervised 'cause she cannot be trusted to go along with my wishes in regards to food. I don't consider myself a food nazi, I am trying to ensure my DD gets the best possible HEALTHY start to life!

    Sorry if that comes across as a bit of a rant but I HATE it when I hear a mother being undermined!!

  2. #20

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    Thanks everyone.

    So I told them that they can give her water if they want but not juice (since I gave her some water just to see if she really was thirsty and she just played with the bottle, so I knew she wouldn't drink it) and they said that was fine, agreed it would be better etc. So my mum took her for 1/2 hour or so this morning so I could sleep a bit longer and when she brings her back into me, "I just put a little juice in water?" WHAAAT? BUT I SAID NOT TO WTF?!??!?!?! Grrr! They AGREED with me, so why did they do it?! AND they gave her banana again!

    Tonight, she wants to sit down and have a "talk" (yay) so I figure that's the perfect opportunity to explain to them that they must stop this. TBH I feel like i've opened a pandoras box by giving her rice cereal in the first place, I wish i'd waited another month or so.

  3. #21

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    Baby Socks, sounds like my mum.

    I tell her I want to BF for at least a year, I am called disgusting and there's no need for that.

    I tell her that if DS has dairy he's up crying all night, even though he loves cheese, so no dairy... she tries to feed him ice-cream.

    I am "cruel" for no juice, no chocolate... I do give DS biscuits, the odd bit of cake and I sometimes feel he lives on rice cakes, but that's my choice. It's not cruel to not feed a baby cake every day, or to not add sugar to his porridge (something she did when she made it... DS is happy without so why add it?).

    I'm sorry to say that I cannot say anything that makes her listen to me. So I cannot leave him with her even for a half-hour sit-down. I'm his mother, I make the choices, if you don't abide by them then you don't look after DS. In fact, the nursery I use has a photo of my mum with "under no circumstance is this woman to look after Liebling" written underneath it! That's how serious I am about it. No, I haven't told her yet about that one LOL.

    You are the Mummy now. That means no sleep. That means getting up when you want a lie-in. That means protecting your baby from harmful influences, even when those influences are the grandparents. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I had a baby screaming at me from 1.30-4.30 this morning, am in severe pain, need sleep (that lasts more than a half-hour nap) and want a break but if the choice was my having a break and my mother looking after DS, I would choose no break. It's a hard life. But it is your child who will suffer if you let this continue.

  4. #22

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    Actually my mother has also never sat for Charlie, either. Not once, not ever. She used to ask all the time but now doesn't - she knows my reasons quite well now. For me, it's just that I simply don't trust her to not do things like smoke in front of him (he's asthmatic) or give him soft drinks, and I honestly don't believe she would respect the boundaries I have in place if she wasn't supervised, so if that means I have to take a sickie from work (for the 3rd time in a month) rather than leave him at her house, then that's what I do.

    BS, I know you live with your parents and they are your only support base atm, but hunny they're not listening to you. They're paying lip service to your complaints but then doing whatever they feel like. You now have to choice of putting your foot down (and not allowing them to look after your baby unsupervised) or realising that they're going to do whatever they feel like when you're not watching. You have to make the decision as to what you're prepared to live with, I'm afraid, and I wish they were more sensitive to your wishes as a parent, but it doesn't sound like that's happening tbh. If she's anything like my mum (and she sounds it) it'll be agreement to your face but open slather behind your back. I honestly hope the talk does some good, but I can't help being a bit skeptical about whether it will.

  5. #23

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    I agree with Sushee. If having the MCHN or GP tell them directly what to give bub & what not to give bub doesn't work, then it's a bit of a pickle, coz it sounds like they'll just go ahead and do whatever they want.

    I guess if you're willing to "compromise" for the sake of peace.. you could pre-prepare a heap of baby food that you're happy with, or say which fresh fruit you're happy with (I'd be happy with banana personally). Have pureed veges & fruit (frozen) ready to go if they think she's hungry. Don't have any empty bottles around the house - have them full and ready to go.. either with water or EBM (preferably EBM).

    Good luck.

  6. #24

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    Hey

    You have heaps of good advice here, so im not going to say too much.
    All i say to people is: "it"s my way or the highway, look after My baby MY way or don't come near us at all". sounds *****y but they will get the point.

    Stand your Ground

    Good luck.

  7. #25

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    Thanks, everyone.
    Unfortunately there is no one else who can take Aurelia and I simply can't function without sleep. I don't have a partner I can give her to for an hour or two so that I can catch up on sleep, and at the end of the day, if i'm so tired i'm passing out and waking up to Aurelia crying with no idea how long i've been unconscious, then that isn't a solution any more than allowing my parents to give Aurelia juice and junk is.

    I've spoken to them and they haven't gone against me (yet). When they want to give her solids, they ask me first, which is good. Now she's just having solids occasionally rather than every day, which is what I wanted in the first place. And now that i've got more milk, half the time, she doesn't want any of it anyway. They're going to take her this sunday for me, and i've got stacks of EBM for them to take so they won't need to give her anything but milk anyway.

    Thanks again for your help, everyone <333

  8. #26

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    Well done hun!
    Glad to hear everything seems to be on the up and up!

  9. #27

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    BS

    It sounds like you're gettingt through, even if it's one baby step at a time. I know how important a support system your parents are for you, so every bit of improvement is great news! Just keep holding firm on your views, you're doing an excellent job managing both Aurelia and your parents!

  10. #28

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    I feel your pain! When DS was a baby our family was exactly the same - lucky for us he hated solids so he would spit out whatever they tried to give him. However they did keep offering it and I'm sure I'm still known as the solids nazi especially to DH's side of the family. Be strong and hit them with all the research you can find about early intro of soilds and the harm it can cause. iwish I can find the articles but my fav is the WHO which says nothing but BM for the first 6 mths. Another good one is that early intro of too many solidscan cause celiacs disease (gluten intolerence) in later life this is particulary related to when babies are trying to rely on soilds for their primary source of nutrition before 6-9mths. (ie they eat soilds have no room for milk so the body is trying to digest soilds before they are ready to digest - like you said it's more about taste and texture until about 9mths)

    You can also tell them that the gut of the baby is actually immature to digest all this stuff before 6-9mths and they risk your bub developing allegies and gut problems. Also telling them they can change the stinky - undigested nappies might help too :-) Wish you all the best and try and stay strong!

  11. #29

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    OH MY GOD!!!!!!
    I couldnt believe this when I read it! Then I read it getting worse!!
    I don't know what I would do, especially when you live with them! i just wanted to let you know I feel for you and it sucks!
    I guess all you can do is get as much information as you can, print it off from the net, go to your GP or health nurse. Even the library is sure to have stuff. Point out that NO ONE advocates (sp) giving nuts or honey under 12 months! Maybe put the reading material on the dining table or in the loo so they can read it whenever they want!
    I cant believe your parents and i hope that the penny drops soon and they realise your the parent and its your rules no matter what they think!
    Just remember most of the time people bag your parenting style cos they feel like a bad parent for the things that they did! They just want reassurance that your not saying the way they did it was bad, but they didn't have all the info we have now!
    Not that I think they are right! Just mis informed!
    Good luck Ill keep an eye on this thread, let us know if things get better!
    xox

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