starting solids / my parents driving me nuts!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

So as many of you probably know, we've been having feeding problems lately. Luckily I have more milk now, expressing still isn't going to well but.

Anyway, my parents took Aurelia today for a few hours (they took her to church then to my stepdads parents house) and took with them the milk I was able to express over the week, about 3 o.z. maybe. She's 5 1/2 months and I've just started her on rice cereal, which she seemed to be enjoying, but now my parents have gone totally overboard with the solids and have been telling me I need to give her more! I've explained to them that really, she doesn't need anything but BM for the first six months but they don't agree. They started giving her watered-down juice a few weeks ago and even though I didn't agree, I figured it wouldn't do any harm (since they only use a splash of juice and its mostly water), and she seemed happier anyway to have the extra hydration.

Today when they took her out, they feed her the following things (much to my dismay)

1/2 a banana
a bit of PIKELET (which is like a pancake) with a smidgen of Jam!!
CAKE (its a healthy cake my stepdad makes but it has egg of course, and NUTS ffs)
MARZIPAN CAKE FILLING!! MARZIPAN OF ALL THINGS! sugar and NUTS anyone?

So I was completely flawed at this, obviously they didn't realize they weren't meant to give her these things, but then my mum was saying "She was so hungry! She was grabbing my hand when I was feeding her and shoving the spoon into her mouth! You really need to give her more solids, I think this is why she hasn't been sleeping at night."

Whatsit?
I mean, I thought at this age food was just to taste, not for nourishment? It also seems a bit hardkore for a new lil baby to have to digest all this food! If she was really hungry it was probably because she needed MILK, right?

I'm really puzzled here and don't know what to do.

Help?

[LimeSlice]

Im certainly no expert here, but I would be more than p!ssed if my parents gave DD all that rubbish - in ONE DAY!!! OMG! I think maybe you need to have a serious chat with your parents about their boundaries - nobody should be feeding your daughter anything you havent said is ok...jmo though!

And what iI do know is nuts arent good...certainly not this young.

Oooh - im angry just reading it! lol

Good luck!

[LimeSlice]

Oh and just a side note...did you express the feeds she would have had if she were with you?
If i cant get enough milk before she goes out without me i have emergency formula here but still make sure you express the feeds she wasnt there for...it might help maintain your supply!
Glad to hear that issue is getting better too!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks <3 Yeah they took the lil bit of milk I was able to express with them, I actually do have formula but i've never used it, every time I mixed a bottle I had one last try and breastfeeding and always managed. Next time, if I don't have much expressed milk, I'll get them to take some formula as well. Formula is a much better alternative to marzipan.
Christ, MARZIPAN. Ugh.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

This is why my mother is not allowed unsupervised access to my DS, btw. She has the same line.

DS "should have" been on solids from six weeks - baby rice and water! Chocolate from three months.

He "should have" stopped breastfeeding ages ago.

I don't feed him well at all: I let him feed himself, I don't let him drink anything but water, although when DH gives him juice and MiL tried cow milk he refuses it.

I just can't justify giving a baby cake all the time! He loves his fruit so he can have that. No problem! I think DS was having banana and apricot at five and a half months, but I was giving that to him. I would have been furious with anyone else doing it.

I'm sure the WHO has a printable sheet about not feeding babies various things. I rely on that more than anyone else, aside from myself - I know my son best and if I feel he's not ready for something then he doesn't have it.

Best of luck!

[chrysalis]

Hi there
It's difficult isn't it? It's the time in your life where you last feel like a confrontation and additional stress!
You are doing a great job in looking out for your little one's interests.
The question is how to handle this touchy situation.
My story is that my parents were a little the same. They were not malicious but simply had been taught, when we were little that we should start solids at 3 months! They still have a hard time believing that Zac and I are still continuing our BF relationship at a bit over 6 months.
On my part it took a little "reeducation". I dreaded it. But I spoke to My health nurse who gave me some hand outs about the whole solids thing which included a blurb about the babes not needing any additional nutrition until 6 months and solids initially it being about discovery rather than nutrition and to keep sugar and salt and the extras out of their diets for as long as possible etc etc.
I ended up sitting down with my mum and dad (and nanna as she kept saying "you are not putting that boy on the TIT again" (which I now LAUGH about but at the time was not too funny)and chatting through the brochure.
They now understand that I would like to try and BF to 12 months at least and that solids are at this early stage a bit of a side issue. It was probably one of the first adult conversations I have had with them (previously when in dispute everyone was inclined to get a bit defensive and yell/storm out etc...) I think having a document with some facts and figures from a reputable source helped enormously. My husband was present when we had the chat and was very supportive too.
Now that Z has started solids I do prepare/provide the food I would like him to eat whilst in their care and encourage them to care for him at my home so that they can avoid the temptation to stray from my desire to keep to the basics at this early stage.
Whilst my little cherub seldom likes to drink from the bottle I also try and keep a little EBM in the freezer just in case something happens and I need to have him looked after at short notice. Sometimes it takes me a number of feeds to build up that little bit extra. If it is any help I have found it easier to EBM in the morn when Z is playing in front of me watching him helps the let down!
If a more gentle approach to this problem does not work the only option in the short term may be to find alternate baby sitters and work at your parents caring for your little one in your care so you can as Ryn suggests, supervise their feeding relationship with your little one.
Good luck
Belinda
PS if you need I could probably dig out the brochures I used and send them through to you by post.

[Jo+3]

Babysocks
You poor thing. With everything else going on you don't need the extra stress. I'm sure your parents are trying to be "helpful", but maybe you could discuss with your Mum the number of children with allergies these days. This is why we introduce one food at a time. At your baby's age she doesn't even need water and children in general don't need juice at all. They get all they need from fresh fruit ( think about how many apples it would take to squeeze a glass of juice). Your poor bubs digestive system must have been in turmoil after that. Hope you find a tactful way of discussing it with your Mother. I know it's hard when you are living under their roof. Good luck.

[spring_ag]

OMG baby socks, i am speechless. It must be hard on you. When DS was 3mo, i found MIL holding a tablespoon of Honey right in front of his mouth, i felt lucky i stopped her on time. Would giving her some books on solids help? Or saying that the dr or paed or nurse give you strict order that you can only give this certain amount of this certain type of food?
I am hoping things will improve for you

[MantaRay]

BS, I agree that what your parents did is unacceptable. For two reasons. One because they did it without your agreement. And two because it is not good for your DD. I think you need to be firm with them and set boundaries, although I know that is easier said than done. But I wouldn't tolerate it if it was my child, I would be fuming. Even at the watered down juice which is bad for kids (even diluted juice is very high in sugar, even the ones without added sugar). My just turned 3yo still only drinks milk and water, nothing else. And he doesn't miss it.

I hope you find a solution to this one without upsetting anyone. GL and big hugs to you, I can understand how upset you must be.

[Cally]

Oh BabySocks, hope DD wasn't up all night with tummy pains after all that food!!

Can you remind them that she sticks everything in her mouth, that is what they do at that age, it doesn't mean she wants to eat all her toys, your fingers, her bib etc?

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks for your replies everyone, but its gotten WORSE.

Today, I got told off for not giving her enough liquids. Guh. She didn't have any solids today, so I just gave her breastmilk and she was fine - my supply is great again and she had lots of good feeds and everything seemed fine.
I was trying to get her to sleep but she was crying, so they took her for a while, the next thing I know I'm getting told off because shes SOOO dehydrated. "We have her TWO bottles of juice because she was SO thirsty, her face was BRIGHT RED because she didn't even stop to BREATHE. AND she ate half a banana."

What
the
hell?

I tried to explain to them that I haven't given her solids today so she didn't liquids, and my stepdad just repeated over and over "But she needs WATER. Breastmilk is FOOD. Go ask your GP."

ARGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



What the heck am I meant to do? I mean I don't know what this business about her skulling the juice is, but isn't it quite possible she drank so much because it's sweet? It's watered down juice but still.

I am so confused and madly irritated.

[Jo+3]

Maybe you should get one of them to come with you to your next gp/health nurse appointment. Then they can hear "straight from the horses mouth". Babies should not be given juice and don't need water. She will take what she needs from you. I hope for the sake of your sanity your parents learn to back off a bit. Take care hun.

[fionas]

Jo beat me to it! I was also going to suggest that you take your mum to your next visit to your MCHN and perhaps arrange an appointment sooner rather than later. It sounds like you're trying to educate them but maybe it will sink in better if they hear it from an "expert".

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with water but juice is not good and MARZIPAN - ffs, no way!

[MantaRay]

Oh BS, you poor thing. It is so hard not to be listened to. Your DD would have "skulled" the juice because being fed from a bottle is like that - it is more effort to stop the fluid coming out than to swallow. But juice is so bad for your DD now and could seriously impact on her bfing (once they get a taste for sweet thing, they can become fussy about milk and water, and not to mention that her demand for your bm will be lowered today as she has filled up on that awful juice).

I really hope you can find a way to get your parents to listen to you. You have done such a great job to get past your bfing problems, you don't want to have another set of problems come up now. And not to mention the fact that giving these foods at this age could cause allergies down the track, and more immediate tummy problems. GL with it, I think you are going to have to be really firm. And the the appointment with the MCHN is a good idea, but make sure it's not one that advocates early solids!!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

Thanks, everyone.

So I figure the first thing I'll do is tell them that they can give her water but not juice. Should I let them keep giving her banana? I was going to just give her rice cereal for a few weeks but I guess that's kinda gone out the window.

I don't have a GP right now cos he told me to put her on formula (without weighing her or even seeing her), and I haven't seen the child health nurse for ages. Hopefully I can sort out a way for them to see the child health nurse with me so she can tell them, though I'm kind of worried because I've heard lots of stories about the nurses being, well, a bit daft, and I doubt my parents will listen anyway! I guess it's the only thing I can do, though.

I am so tired of everyone railroading my parenting hey, like DDs dad telling me she's lost weight and now my parents telling me to start giving her lots of extra liquids and solids, arrrgh! I'm the one who has ALL the responsibility for her and takes care of her pretty much by myself, what I say should be the law!!

[LimeSlice]

Everyone seems to be being really tactfula dn nice and all that rubbish, but quite franklly it doesnt seem to be working...

You live with them dont you? I understand that that will make things difficult but you really need to put your foot down - this is not about their feelings, or even them understanding whats going on - its YOUR DAUGHTERS HEALTH AND WELL BEING at stake here.

You are the parent, step up and lay down the law - tell them to STOP FEEDING HER AND STOP GIVING HER DRINKS. FULL STOP. nothing more, nothing less. If they have a problem with that then its just their tough luck. You need to do whats best for your daughter, and its not them.

Sorry ...ymo, but if you let them keep doing it, they are going to walk all over you and your parenting forever.

Good luck!

[sushee]

It's hard standing up to your parents, and if you do, they'll likely sulk for ages and things will be uncomfortable, but if you do not set boundaries with them now, this is only the start of them undermining your parenting, and you will have a fight with them about every aspect of child-rearing from here on in.

My mother is a very opinionated woman, who railroaded my sister into raising her children the way my mother believes they should be raised, and I very much went against the grain of my mother's ideas of parenting by BFing, only introducing solids at 6 months, refusing to put cereal in my baby's bottle (considering he wasn't bottlefed either!), refusing to control cry, refusing to allow anyone to smoke near him, not allowing him soft drinks or lollies, parenting gently and a whole host of ideas she believed I held to the detriment of my baby.

We fought often about these issues, but now Charlie is almost two, she concedes that a lot of the things I did were the right things to do after all. And even if she didn't, I can live with knowing I made my own decisions about my baby, even if it meant drawing a line in the sand with my mother. My sister to this day defers to my mother's opinion on everything to do with her kids. That would be my worst nightmare!

[sangie]

I'm sorry you are being put in this position BS, its so hard when family think that 'they' know best.

I agree with some of the other comments and I really think you need to stand up to them and tell them exactly what you want or don't want them to do. They will be upset and maybe offended but in the long run you have to protect your baby and her welfare is way too important.

My MIL was very opinionated concerning my DD and would tell me that I 'must give her solids at 4 months or else she will 'starve' and that by not giving her solids I was 'impairing her brain development'. Then she almost fed my DD chocolate mousse! Luckily I saw her before DD had any. I ended up sitting her down and having a really good chat about it and she was a little upset but now its all water under the bridge and we get along better than ever. She realises that I have different parenting ideas to her and respects my decisions.

Anyway sorry for the rant but this is a common issue for many mums and dads and I think like Sushee said if you don't voice your opinions now this will continue throughout your DDs childhood. Hugs hun :hugs: