Why do people feel to tell you how long you should breastfeed for???? Grrrrrrr....

[Cass72]

Ok, so I just got off the phone to my mum (of all people) and, well, I'm a little bit disappointed.

Actually, change that, I'm down right p****d off!!

She keeps asking when I'm going to wean my little man. I told her that I'm letting him lead me and that at the moment we are dropping the midday feed (he was sick last week, so naturally - and following my doctors advice - I breastfed him as often as he wanted). Once he gets used to that (and he's happy with it) we will drop the morning feed and, then lastly the nighttime feed.

She then (jokingly) said, oh you're not going to be one of those people that feed until they're 16 - haw-haw-haw.....

I said, no mum: Bubs is happy, I'm happy and DH is happy with the way things are and, that's all that matters really.

Anyhoo - just wanted to gripe away and see if anyone else has oppinionated (sp?) people in their lives who seem to know "better".

[Lily Dust]

Cass72, gosh its so annoying and frustrating isnt it!!! I used to come back with 'well, its recommended you BF for the first 2 years and beyond by the WHO and you wouldnt go overseas with out getting the vaccinations the WHO recommend, would you? So why do differently in realtion to BFing?'. Then when that one got old and we still get the when are you gonna stop, I simply reply 'Im hoping shes ready to wean before high school', that kinda stops them in their tracks. I havent thought of the next one but Im gonna have to get a new come back soon

You are doinga nd have done a fabulous job of feeding your little man and you should be so incredably (sp?) proud!!!

[sloane]

i feel very lucky because i had very few comments. i always use the WHO recommendation when talking about BFing. i weaned my DS at 20 months but because he only fed before sleep, i don't think many people realised i was still BFing!

i think the response to your mum was a great one - they are the things that matter

[HotI]

I like to tell them 'the natural weaning age is around 5 to 6 years old'. We might get to 2 years and still be happy feeding, so i like to have a few more years up my sleeve.

[Arcadia]

Why is it any of her business? Does she know how many drinks a day you have or what you eat for dinner each night? It's so silly that people have opinions about it.

I'm still feeding dd, because it's easy and works for us. Simple. My boobs, my baby my life.

it's hard when it's your own mum...but maybe stop discussing it with her.

[Cass72]

Arcadia - I didn't actually bring it up: she did! which makes it even more "aaaaargh". I'm going to adopt that as my new mantra: MY boobs, MY baby, MY life. Ok, DH might argue the point that they're actually his boobs .... but that being said, he's still happy with me to continue breastfeeding.

I'll have to look up the WHO thing so I can quote it.

[Jellyfish]

Yeah, be careful using the 2yr recommendation because then on their 2nd Birthday it will all start up even more forcefully

It is frustrating, hey? You're doing a brilliant job!

[Rainbow_Mumma]

urgh! some people think it is there god given right to tell us how to parent our children, i was told the other day to refuse all nappies even at night time for my 2 year old :O

[Catherine]

Very frustrating...this is one of those areas where I would just "smile and wave"...LOL! You sound like you are doing an awesome job Cass. The WHO guidelines definately helped me to reassure ILs as we approached 1 year of breastfeeding. Then when I fed through pregnancy and tandem fed my kids, i used the ABA website to print off articles that backed up my instinct. My DH also 'had words' with his family, quietly, to basically warn them if they had nothing suportive to say, bite your tongue. BIt like your attitude Cass - Your Boobs, Your Baby, Your Choice. THe more I learn about breastfeeding, the more releived I am that I have continued. Also helps knowing that the natural age of weaning could be 7, though I suspect that most mums breastfeeding beyond 3 go 'underground'. The immunological benefits of breastfeeding alone have me think "one more winter"...I don't know what i'll do when they wean and I don't have this in my parenting tool box! I just guess that if they wean by choice, it probably coincides with the maturing of their immune system.


Aba also has a a booklet: "especially for grandparents", but there is also lots of info on the website that helps reassure their 'concerns'.

personally - i got sick of justifying what is a biologically normal process and would ask them to tell me why it was a problem - make them justify their concerns!

otherwise my matra have been "smile and wave" and "just keep swimming"



Keep up the good work Cass!

[Smoke Jaguar]

You know what I found shut my mum up, until such a time as she could see I was doing the right thing by DS? Every time she said "are you going to be feeding him at school?", or "are you going to be feeding him when he's 12" kind of comments, I'd shoot back "what if I do?". She backed off and the next time she mentioned anything when I breastfed, it was only support!
In fact, after the negativity and when the positivity came from her, she extended it to look at us and sigh "I wish I'd fed you for longer, I don't think I tried enough". I was fed for 6 months, and by 'tried enough', she means to go against the prevailing custom in the 70s to use formula, in the mistaken belief that Western ways must be better. My sister, who is younger, was fed for 3 months, before being fed formula and developing eczema that she still has.
You'll never be called into question by a mother who breastfed her children full term, or has reconciled her breastfeeding experiences with herself! It's the ones who see your breastfeeding practices as a criticism of what they did, who just need to be shown that you're only doing what you believe to be right for your child, who take your continued breastfeeding as an affront to their expectations.
Weird, coming from my mum, given my grandmother was a full term breastfeeder - but I suppose my grandmother represented to my mum all that she wanted to leave behind when she left for Australia, thinking everything Australian was better (she acknowledges now that it's not true - she is glad I've reclaimed the kind of birthing my grandmother did and ignored 'doctors orders'!).
So, I took some time to examine what was going on for my mum when she took exception to how I was parenting, and approached her more sensitively, knowing she wouldn't even realise where her own reactions were coming from.
You could give her a smart arse response to get her to back off, or you could tread lightly, patiently and gain her respect I would never have thought it possible in my own situation with my mother, but whaddya know?? I did it!

[Cass72]

urgh! some people think it is there god given right to tell us how to parent our children, i was told the other day to refuse all nappies even at night time for my 2 year old :O

Are they going to come round to do your washing????? We really need to learn to follow our children on things like this. My DS1 told me when he didn't want to wear a nappy at night - I think he was close to 3yrs. And, you know what, he was right. He didn't need to anymore!!

[~Kim~]

Yes I know those comments well....
When I started to ask them if they would give up their coffee/chocolate/wine/maccas (insert their vice here) because someone else didn't agree with it, they'd snort, but not ask again.
I also couldn't agree more with Mayaness on both the "yes what if I do" comments and the issues with themselves bit.

[aussienic]

It can be frustrating but my response was always to laugh along and say yep going to bf till they are x old..

They don't understand the benefits and still clearly think there is something wrong with it.

Well done on feeding for so long

[Starfish]

What Mayaness said.

I got very few "when are you going to stop BF" comments, but when I did, I used to quote to WHO guidelines (2 years and beyond). Now that DD is over 3, we fed only at home, but if anyone were to question it I would talk about the immunologial benefits. The last immunisation children in Australia get is at 4 years old, so it makes sense to BF until that time (provided both mum and toddler want to).

[Heaven]

ugh, people should mind their own business. I haven't got many comments luckily, but a lot of people probably don't even know I'm still feeding DD1.

[kelebek]

yes I had them here too (we weaned when DS was 33 mnths) my favourite response when I was questioned (especially when he was drinking cow's milk) was to simply ask them why they think another animal's milk is better then what I produce?.... I didn't get many response's