I have an extremely cranky, screaming (not crying), non sleeping DD. I'm lost as to what to do. I've tried everything. She's clingy, and just plain not happy. Will fight sleep like I've never seen before. Including her crying with her eyes closed the other night. She feeds non stop. I don't have a supply issue, plenty available. So, could it be my milk? Would formula make a difference?
I can't get anything done at home because she just cries. DH is cranky and thinks I'm lazy because house isn't in shape. I'm upset because not only DD is bothering me because I don't know what is wrong with her and even worse becuase he thinks I'm failing telling me we won't be having any more kids if I can't handle one.
DD has been the same - I am thinking it is a growth spurt (but my DD was prem so tends to have a few growth spurts - not always when I expect them) I just tell my DP to sod off and try to do as much as I can but mostly I tend to DD when she is like that - lots of unrestricted booby access.
These phases are trying and if you have someone who can come over for a few hours and give you a hand you will feel much better - I know it helps me.
Thanks TK. This has been going on for a little while and I thought it was a passing phase but its starting to feel like a habit now. DD was also a bit prem, not heaps but responded as a 33 weeker would as we were told in NSCN. She has reflux. But is medicated so I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it also. So much through my head, I'm so tired. Thanks again.
Formula might make a difference, but it equally might not and you would be risking the health problems that sometimes accompany it. Once you make the switch it is hard to switch back again so I would try other avenues before making any decision to use formula.
My advice would be to buy a good ring sling, and use it all the time. At least then you can carry her and still use your hands. Also as you say you have heaps of milk, maybe it is coming too fast for her. Try to recline, even slightly, when feeding her and see if this slows it down which might help if her tummy is unsettled.
Also have you tried giving her a massage which might help her feel connected to you and also more relaxed.
Sounds like a "growth spurt" or "wonder week" - one of those times when all they want to do is feed and grizzle and not sleep - I think we are just coming out of one here.
So in answer to your question - formula prob won't make a difference! I try to keep telling myself "this too shall pass" (and whine on BB for some support and advice )
Also, maybe you could express and leave your DD home with your DH for a few hours to make him realise what you are dealing with!!!
Oh Ellee not very nice of your hubby to say those things. He needs a swift kick up the bum!
I don't think it could be your milk but you could always try eliminating various foods and drinks to see if anything could be the culprit. When I was BF'ing DS I know that if I drank orange juice it upset his tummy and made him cranky. I don't think formula would change things either.
Do you use a sling? Maybe you can carry her around the house in a sling and that way she is close to you and you have your hands free to chuck on a load of washing or do the dishes etc. And the movements of you walking around might help soothe her?
She could be going through a growth spurt like TK says. She's not far off the recommend age for starting solids so she may just be gearing up for that.
It's hard isn't it trying to manage everything. Try not to worry about the housework and what your hubby says. It won't last forever!
DS was like this at 5m. Formula made it worse... but then, we found later he's intolerant of cow's milk (I was easily able to do both breast and formula, then after 2 months go back to breast only for DS's milk needs). He calmed down when we started solids, but I did have two weeks of clinginess and up all nightness before he just grabbed my apple and ate it. Slings didn't work for us at this point because it was just a food thing. If you have a plentiful supply it may not be a food issue though.
These high needs babies are very hard to cope with and put a lot of strain on relationships. It is important you work as a team. Working out what is happening and how to help requires some detective work - sometimes difficult when you are sleep deprived.
Working out what is going on is like throwing a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle onto the floor and trying to put it back together - without ever having seen the full picture.
Firstly, how many times would you say she feeds in 24hours? How is she growing (just roughly - you would have expected her growth rate to slow down after 12 weeks)
Are there any allergies or food intolerances in either side of your family? Eczema? Asthma?
What is her sleep pattern like? How much does she sleep in 24hours?
Probably, first I would book in to see a paediatrician - just make sure everything is OK.
No mother should leave hospital without a sling. Often this behaviour is the result of overtiredness, and the need to be close to mum. Babies will often sleep really well in a sling (reflux babies often like an upright one - like the ABA simplicity sling) Sometimes babies may resist it at first - persist! And if they are worn correctly you won't feel the weight of your baby. Often, the more a baby sleeps, the more it will want to sleep. Even at this age a baby will need to sleep every 2 hours. Has some-one explained the "tired signs" to you? This could include whinging(!) Sucking fists, even when you know they have had a feed and must be full, being engaged, playing and smiling and then suddenly "cracking it". Rubbing eyes etc. At this point a sling can help get them to sleep. You will often find that the more they sleep the more they want to sleep.
You might look in your extended family for signs of allergies if there is none in yourself and your partner. Breastfed babies often don't display many obvious physical symptoms of allergy - eg eczema or asthma - breastfeeding is protecting them at this stage, but their immune system is working overtime to keep them together.
Anyway - enough for now!
Let me know how it goes
Thanks so much for your replies and advice. Today has got off to a brilliant start! We use a bubba moe sling frequently although this has not even worked of late. We also have a baby bjorn (DH choice) for doing groceries.
Traveller - I don't think my milk is coming to fast as I don't ever leak and we have tried laying down, me on my back her on her tummy, normal. I haven't tried massage yet. Baths will distract her for a bit but she screams when we get out of them lol.
CF - Hope your bubs has improved too. I would love to express and leave DH at home with her. He is looking after her this afternoon while I go and get my hair cut. But he doesn't handle crying so I don't actually like to leave her for long periods of time.
Eluned - you're right it won't last forever. I think the sling hasn't been successful because she literally throws tantrums stiffens out etc.
Lady Zaidie - She's not showing any signs of being interested in food... yet thanks.
JB- It could be teeth. We have an amber teething necklace and it was helping, but she is showing signs of teething.
Barb - THANK YOU! I think I'll get DH to read your post. to answer your questions. Yesterday She fed 9 times in 11hrs during the day, then 4 times throught the night. The only way I could get her to sleep last night at 9:15pm was to feed co-sleeping. So as DH was on Night shift we co slept all night.
Allergies: DH was apparently dairy intollerant when a younger boy. Nothing crazy just didn't work well for him. I only ever had bronchial asthma as a young child and now only get it when I'm sick or in damp weather. She has still got cradle cap which won't seem to budge and has had a little bit of eczema but that is due to the bad water here, when we go away it clears up.
Sleeping - if any during the day is only a cat nap. She will fall asleep feeding even with my best efforts to keep her awake (using washer, singing tickling etc) but soon as I move she's awake again and won't sleep. Lately she goes down about 9pm for sleep, wakes about 1-2am, 3-4am and 5-6am then up for the day. Sometimes I can have her fed and asleep again in 30mins other times its an hour and a half.
We have only just seen a paed on 18th of last month regarding her plagiocephaly. They say she is going well. She was 5.9kg then at 4.5months (about 20wks) and 62 cm long. SHe was 2.5kg born and 48cm long. I think she is growing well. I will book into health nurse to get her weighed again asap.
As for tired signs, as soon as she shows any signs I try to put her down. Except the chewing fist as this seems to be all day everyday at the moment lol.
This morning I got up and fed her at about 630 and managed to be able to put her back down about 730am and she slept for 2 hrs. I'll try the 2hr thing and go try put her down again now.
Thanks for your support everyone. It makes the world of difference to my emotional and mental state. I love BB.
Looking at your baby's symptoms it seems very likely that your baby has inherited some of your tendencies towards cows milk allergy/intolerance and eczema and asthma. Your baby is showing many symptoms of an immune system under stress. There is a very high correlation between cows milk protein allergy and reflux, cows milk allergy and cradle cap and eczema and asthma.
The immune system can take a certain amount of stress - but when there is too much stress - symptoms develop. This could explain why your baby's eczema clears up when you go away. He may have other allergies or intolerances to something in the environment. When he is no longer exposed to that, his immune system can cope again and the symptoms go away.
You know how you feel when you are sick with bronchial asthma? You probably just want to "hang out", want small frequent feeds, and "need a cuddle"? Eczema makes him feel "itchy and scratchy" - completly out of sorts. This is probably how your baby is feeling much of the time. Your breastfeeding is "holding him together" outwardly. But he is just not at ease with himself - having his mum close is the one thing that helps him feel good.
Many mothers find it helpful to go on a dairy free diet. You may seek the assistance of a dietician to ensure that you have enough to eat. You need to be a "label decoder" and cut out milk products including casein and whey in even non dairy margarines, baked goods and processed foods.
Babies like this are high needs - it's tough going. In your case, formula is likely to excacerbate the problems. Formula is, after all, cows milk. Have a read of the book I suggested earlier - well worth it.
You may also consider getting your baby a check up by a pediatric chiropractor or osteopath. This may allow your baby to feed more easily and assist with digestion.
Good luck - you are doing a great job under difficult circumstances.
Barb, Thanks for all your advice and info. I haven't got back to posting as I haven't had time to post a proper reply. So an update.
DD is heaps better! She has had a few days of having good day sleeps. I have removed all obvious dairy products and am slowly finding out about the hidden ones. I will try to see a dietician when we go away next or if it flares up bad again then I will try to have a phone consult with one. I must say there has been a huge difference.
DH has also been a lot better. He is able to sit through the scream attacks to get her asleep at night and generally can now settle her quicker than me (I think because she can't smell my milk??).
Overall things are just a lot better. She hasn't had a day sleep for the last couple of days. But I'm just over the moon. Despite MIL telling me she is crying because I'm starving her by not having her on solids already as they used to start them at 4.5months and her kids survived
Which book were you recommending? Sorry but this baby brain is killing me.
Once again, thanks! I really believe you saved my sanity, DD's health and definately stopped a marriage breakdown!!
Thanks - but in fact it is you that has made such a difference -seeking support when you all needed it and being so willing to take on suggestion. The book was "Colic Solved by Bryan Vartabedian available through ABA's online store MothersDirect
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Would formula make any difference?
I try to keep telling myself "this too shall pass" (and whine on BB for some support and advice
)
thanks.
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