Being pressured to give up breastfeeding - HELP

[Nai]

Go Dido! And your Mum too!

[kelebek]

It is time for me now as a mother to take responsibility and make my own decisions without seeking approval from others.

I just wanted to congragulate you on finding the strength to be determined to keep breastfeeding. As you know there is nothing 'weird' about breastfeeding a baby.

[Dedicated Doula Gillian]

"From what i gather DH does not understand why I would want to continue b/feeding an 'older' baby as he finds it weird. He has never been around anyone (including his mother and sisters) who have b/fed for longer than 4-6weeks. MIL has this thing in her head that 6 weeks b/feeding is all a baby needs and then formula is good enough. " - I thought so...
You go girl!!!!! I think you doing the right thing!!!
Suse - i think you have raised a good point aswell!

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Hun, coming in late here.

My DH and mum were both anti-BFing. I fed DS until he self-weaned at 16m.

What helped with DH was that I told him that HE was responsible for making the bottles, buying formula et cetera et cetera. We did 2 months where DS had one formula feed a day. I pointed out to DH that I'd made the bottle three times in a row: that's not happening. We're stopping the formula. Getting DH off his backside to do something was more hassle than him nagging me about feeding. Getting pretty BFing bras helped too: I just kept them on in bed too. SiL only went until 4m and 6m with her two, so DH seemed to think that was what was "right"... the financial factor swayed him! That and I told DH he could feed DS overnight and let me sleep on Saturdays.

And I told my mother to stop being stupid, breastfeeding doesn't kill women.

It was down to my mother's resistance that I was upset that my BFing stopped so early. I was planning to go until DS was three just to show them what "freaky" really was! (Comments included that if a child could ask for a feed, it's wrong and should be denied... so what's a baby crying for then?)

DH did say he wanted me to stop feeding when DS started to get teeth, this was while I was pg. I did the "smile and nod" thing then: DS started teething at 2 months and first tooth before 5m from memory: I just told DH that DS wasn't biting and I was OK with this so he never brought it up again.

HTH.

[Dido]

I had another quick chat with DH yesterday afternoon about b/feeding (in the car on the way to a b/day party) . I just basically said to DH that i know he is peeved at me and all he said was that the feeding was not his business - so maybe he has reaslised its my choice (or maybe he has found my thread on BB (don't think so))

The first words from MIL last night were ' is she on a bottle yet?' .. so, i say 'no, were just going with the flow - he he' and all she said was 'my, she'll be using a sippy cup before you get her on a bottle' so i said 'more than likely he he' (with a laugh at the end of it). I also tell her that DH is peeved at me as I havent stopped b/feeding d ( i guess this was my way of showing her that i havent buckled under DH pressure or anyone elses)

But all in all DH hasn't said another word to me and I have a feeling that he will get over it- I have decided to wear a bra at home more often (it was just so convenient at home to wear a tank -easy access) as maybe DH might think I look more normal than hanging out all the time ( i know it sounds gross - but i just never have leaked) . This way my boobs are not in his face all the time - don't know if it will make a difference BUT ...

Everyones help on BB is so helpful and makes me open my eyes to see that there are probably more issues to DH's b/f problem than i thought

Thanks so much - must attend to DD who is starting to wiggle in the pram

[Fleur]

Good for you Dido!
As Kelebek said, there's nothing 'weird' about feeding a baby...that's what boobs are for
I hope you find the support & strength to feed for as long as you want to...you're doing such a great job

[~me~]

I loved reading your last post....

Welll done

x Heather

[Liz]

Good for you! It can be a long hard road, but sometimes the only way people can grasp the concept of breastfeeding older babies is to actually see it and to see the babies/children thrive on it, and to see that there are NO bad habits formed! Just think... if you pave the way with your first, fighting off all the negativity, then no one has a leg to stand on when it comes to subsequent bubs coz you've already proven it all before I've had a nice peaceful breastfeeding journey with DD LOL.

Enjoy every minute of your breastfeeding journey I've fed both of mine to 26 mths (DD is just about weaned) and even that feels like such a short time!

[Jennifer13]

Well done for talking to DH about this Dido. It is important to show him that you are serious about this.

FWIW, even when I first had my DD I had no real notion of bfing her beyond about 12-18mths. It's not something that's seen often in our society, although it's completely normal. I was even known to make the comment that 'once she can eat a steak...' . My point is, I changed my mind without even realising it as DD got older. It just seemed so natural and normal and there didn't seem any point to stopping something that was working so well.

My DD is so happy, healthy and confident and it turned out that bfing just fit so naturally into our everyday life that I never felt the need to 'stop' her. I joined the ABA and after meeting with other women who bf their babies and children, often until they self-weaned, some bf during pg and tandem fed a toddler and baby, it completely opened my eyes.

What I saw as common before I had a child changed. Your DH may adjust his viewpoint too in time. My DP was also only bf for 6 weeks and had no notion of long-term bfing, and is now the biggest bfing advocate I know!

My advice would be to join the ABA and pop along to your local group meet-ups. You'll find other mums IRL who have been through the same issues you are facing that can probably give you some advice and support, as well as info to show DH. It's great to discuss it here on BB and get our support, but I really think it's important to have others you meet with who can back you up. And make sure DH is involved in other areas of caring for DD (there are plenty!). Let him know how important his support for you (including your bfing) is and how much you value his involvement.

GL! (PS Love how you handled your MIL, keep it up!).

[sunshine_sieben]

Hun, I haven't read all the replies, but I am sooooo angry at your DH. Ok, your MIL sounds just like a stupid woman. Ignore her. But for your DH to turn around like that? Has he had some mysteriouscondition that suddenly stopped him from being able to think or make any sense?

"You do not know whether your DD get enough milk" - she is thriving, isn't she??? she is having enough wet and dirty nappies and putting on weight.

"You do not know whether your DD is getting all the nutrients she needs" - mmmm, chances are she is as she is thriving. Our species has survived on human milk since the beginning of time. Why should your milk be lacking?

"You can't go places" - You have a child. You are less able to be spontaneous now. Just think how difficult it would be to go places if you have to plan and carry for all the bottle feeds, mixing up formula, heating up bottles, etc. Your breasts go with you wherever you are. And you pillow is easy to take with you.

"There is no way your daughter is going to be BF to 6 months" - Just say: there is no way will wean my daughter before she is x amount of months old. You can play hardball just as well as he can. You are the one feeding her. So you do it the way you want. He can have a say, but he can't force you. I would ask him for research prooving to you that what you are doing is bad for youur daughters health. He won't find any. So as long as you are doing what's best for her, he has to back down.

Tell him that if you wean her now, your breast cancer risk will go up by 33%.
You know what, it might help to talk to your doctor. As long as he is pro BFing. Make an appointment to let him explain the pros of BFing to your DH. He might accept it more coming from an authority figure. Without emotion being thrown into the mix.

I just cant believe your husbands reaction. I am completely flabbergasted. How can one be so ignorant.
As for your mother in law, tell her you will BF DD until she is 16 YEARS old, have her co-sleep until she's 20, home-school her, and whatever else someone like your MIL might find shocking and then tell her that there is absolutely nothing she can do about it. Because it is YOUR child. YOU are the mother. The old hag has had her chance. You do NOT have to justify what you are doing to her. She wouldn't get it anyway, so don't even try. Do NOT get into a discussion with her as that will just give her more ammunition. And then you are in the defensive and that's not a good place to be. Just tell her: This is what I AM doing. Period. End of dicussion.

Sorry, I do not mean to come across as forceful. You have enough forceful people in your life. But this story just rubbed me up the wrong way :P You need to do what works for you and what you believe in. Otherwise you will eventually resent both your DH and your MIL. You are not doing anything wrong. You are a wonderful mother and your DD is lucky to have you.

For what it's worth, my in laws have remmarked on a few occasions from when my DD was 3 months old, that putting her on a bottle would "give me back my life". They are far too politically correct to outright say I should wean or otherwise criticise BFing. I just ignored them. Even my own mum who is very pro BFing, told me it was weird that I BF past 6 months. I told her that it works for me and DD and ignored any further comments. I BF DD until she self-weaned at 19 months. Actually, she still has the occasional feed (once or twice a month) now that DS is BFing.

You have worked too hard to wean now just to please them, hun. Stick to your guns! And come here to vent whenever you need to.

Sasa

[sunshine_sieben]

I have now gotten around to reading all the replies. You hvae gotten some wonderful advice. Thanks Suse for raising a very valid point about our DH's possibly feeling that they have "lost" us.

Dido, your post about your talk with your DH made me so very proud of you. Well done. But it also made me sad. His point fo view (it's just weird, it's not necessary) is one that is sooo hard to argue with. I know, cause my mum has that attitude. No matter what stats I quite to her, always get the "it's not necessary, it's a bit weird, why?" and the hardest one: "yes, that's what they say now, they will say the opposite in a few years"
I do love the pont that was raised that you do NOT need a reason to continue something that it working so well. But you DO need a good reason to make a change. And him feeling a little weird is not a good enough reason.
Also his point about you not caring about his feelings is a toughie. Of course you care about his feelings. Otherwise you would have told him to stick it. The fact you are even talking about it with him shows that you care. But how about this: He doesn't seem to care about your feelings on this.
ask him this: If he felt weird about using car seats for babies, would you not use them just to protect his feelings?
Your DD's health is more important than his feelings. (dont say it like that to him, though).

Then I read your last post and was so happy that you seem to be turning a corner with him. Even if he's not completely on board with you, at least he doesn't seem to try and push you any more.

I am a pretty strong-minded person. For me it was relatively easy to defend my actions (and I haven't faced attitudes quite as adverse as yours). But your story has again made me realise that the battle might be a lot harder for some. So I pledge: I will continue to feed my babies in public places without making any effort to hide what I am doing. I want the picture of a woman lovingly feeding her child (not just a newborn) to become a common sight. So that future generations will not have to face attitudes like the ones you are battling.
I'm so glad you have your mother on your side!!!

Lots of love, Sasa

[Rivlas]

Speaking as a grandmother...
Ignore your MIL and her comments. Don't let her opinion sway you, her opinions are what I would have got form my grandmother. If you can then breast is best.
My Mum could never feed and she has said it is one thing she wishes she could have done.
This is your child and you and your body know what is best.
Keep it up and your DH will wonder what he was thinking in a few months time.
Next time you are shopping together casually stop in front of the formula and let him see how expensive it is.
Re the sippy cup DD1 went from breast to cup and DD2 had a bottle for a few months then to a cup. So if anything is said just say yes I hope she does go straight to a cup.