BFing Troubles (AGAIN!) - Give Me Some Reassurance That 3 Weeks Is Not Too Late

[fionas]

Thanks for your kind words everyone. Each attempt is basically endingwithme in floods of tears because I feelso useless.dd does everything right big wide own mouth. Lc got her on instantly. Whenever I try, attachment isn't good so I takeher off and try again and it's just not working. The lc only works tuesday and thursdays so don't think i can talk to her today. Just wAnt to be able to cuddle my baby in peace without feeling that I should be trying again or expressing.

[onthefly]

Maybe time for a little break and some deap breaths.
You're not useless, you're just learning a new skill and that always takes some time and effort.

Why not try calling the LC anyway - at worst you'll get an answering machine. Or the ABA. At any rate, tomorrow is a new day and you can start over with the LC. Tell her it doesn't work when she's not there so she can help you with that - It's a common problem for new mums experiencing difficulties with feeding and extremely frustrating!

[fionas]

I think I'm close to throwing in the towel and have hesitated to post this (because I know you lovely ladies will try to offer solutions and I'm not sure it's solutions that I'm after right now) but am doing so because of the thread that was started (and closed) recently about why women choose not to breastfeed.

I saw the LC again yesterday. Again, she made attachment look easy so from that perspective there is nothing major preventing me from BFing DD other than that I have very large nipples, am a fairly unco person and I find it difficult to attach her. This could be resolved with more practice. Hoop Number 1 to go through. In the meantime, my supply has dwindled. This too could be resolved by feeding DD more (see Hoop Number 1) or by expressing more (Hoop Number 2). Expressing makes my nipples sore which in turn makes me fearful of attaching DD when it comes time for a feed. Bit of a vicious circle. Alternatively I guess I could take Motilium for my supply and I could look into different pumps that have bigger flanges to prevent my nipples getting sore.

So if attaching is not successful, I am still stuck doing three feeds in one. Try to BF, bottle feed, then express. By the time I've finished the bottle feed I DON'T WANT TO EXPRESS. I just want to cuddle DD. In addition, because my supply is not great, DD does not really settle after a feed. Yesterday between 3-11pm, she barely slept. I hate seeing her so unsettled.

Do I want to breastfeed? Yes, of course. Can I breastfeed? In theory, yes with more practice and with more work on my supply. Do I want to keep jumping through hoops to do it? No, I don't want to do that. I would like some quality of life where either feeding, thinking about feeding or thinking about solutions to feeding problems are not on my mind 24 hours a day. And I would like to be able to spend more time cuddling my daughter. I'm very lucky that DP is actually home at the moment but I have barely interacted with my toddler for a week now in trying to sort this out.

So for the person who posed the question about why women choose not to breastfeed, I hope that provides you with an insight into why some of us choose not to. I could lie and say that I'm not able to breastfeed but in my case, if I do decide not to, then I guess it's a choice.

[onthefly]

I can completely understand not wanting to express or do all three things at once.
You're right, you have choices and they are yours to make - you know what is best for your family
You know we're here whether you want advice, support or just an ear.

[Mak]

Fi - be kind to yourself. There are always compromises and often things are not as we had planned. Make sure you do what is right for you. xxxxx

[Kmn]

Just a suggestion - the expressing is giving you stress big time. How about trying to attach (set yourself a time limit - I will try for 5 minutes and if she doesn't attach I will move on) and then bottle feeding. Yes your supply will decrease - but if you and DD do actually get the hang of attaching then she can build it up again herself, as long as you keep trying to attach her. And if you follow each feed with a bottle then she's still going to grow and so on. You must not suddenly stop expressing or BF-ing completely. This is not just my inner-BF-enthusiast-pushy-cow coming out, but also that you do NOT need blocked ducts and mastitis to add to the mixture. If you do decide not to give BM at all then back off slowly - drop one express or BF every couple of days, maximum.
all the best
hugs
Kate

[fionas]

Kmn that's what we have been doing, I have been trying to attach her for the last week, every single feed. It works very occasionally so dd is not building up my supply. Hence I have to follow with a bottle then have to express to try to maintain supply. My nipples were getting sore so I cut back on expressing. I've gone from getting 150ml a week ago to 30 ml now so if attaching continues to not work then my best option seems to be motilium. I would be happy to do that if I was getting the hang of attachment but I'm simply not.

[Jennifer13]

Maybe ring your ob before you go and ask?

It sounds like you're getting somewhere with bfing, well done! I got AF back after a couple of months despite bfing exclusively. My ob told me that since my DD wasn't bfing overnight it was probable it wasn't effective at preventing my cycle from returning. Pretty much from birth I had 5-6 hour bfing gaps during the night. AF never seemed to bother my DD's bfing.

Keep us updated - it's great to hear how calm you are and how much better things are going.

[Taurean]

So for the person who posed the question about why women choose not to breastfeed, I hope that provides you with an insight into why some of us choose not to. I could lie and say that I'm not able to breastfeed but in my case, if I do decide not to, then I guess it's a choice.

I was a big contributer in the thread you're talking about. I'm still BF DD once a day but FF her the rest of the time and I was, hmmm, batting for the FF mums out there. I TOTALLY understand what you're going through and what you're saying as that is exactly the same issues DD and I had. It was pure hell and I don't blame you at all for wanting to or actually throwing the towel in. It was hard enough with just one child on the scene let alone a toddler to think about too. It is mentally and physically draining and there is nothing worse, IMO, than watching your newborn struggle to settle on their own cause their mummy has to express. It was torture!!

So, well said hon. You have put it beautifully - just how difficult the BF journey can be for some mums and why many chose to quit. BF is a magical thing when it works but you can also lose a lot of precious time with your little baby trying to establish that relationship. I'm grateful we got there in the end but I'm not sure I'd do the same next time. Actually, I very much doubt I would.

In saying all that, I will give you one last push in the direction of BF - if you want really want it to work, you can make it happen. I think DD and I finally got things sorted around 12 weeks and although it was a fantastic feeling of achievement, the journey was far from pleasant. My nipples went through hell with the pump too but I should have bought bigger shields a lot earlier. I was using a hired Medela double pump (the hospital grade one). But we did get there and it has been amazing since. I gave up pumping once we got things sorted though and if DD needed top ups, I used formula. We were both much happier that way!

Big hugs to you. I totally respect your decision, which ever direction you take. I'll be happy to give as much as support as you need and answer any questions you have too.

PS: I took Motillium until DD was about 5 months old. It did help a lot with my supply, especially as I gave the pump away around 15 weeks. I took the biggest dose I could then gradually weaned off around 5 months. My supply seemed to cope fine after that.

[Jennifer13]

Fiona, I stopped bfing six months ago after four years and I still get something out of my RHS. And that was down to one bf a day for almost a year. I can't get much, but a little. So I'm not that gobsmacked about five weeks. But I still think it's amazing what our bodies can do!