I think I'm close to throwing in the towel and have hesitated to post this (because I know you lovely ladies will try to offer solutions and I'm not sure it's solutions that I'm after right now) but am doing so because of the thread that was started (and closed) recently about why women choose not to breastfeed.

I saw the LC again yesterday. Again, she made attachment look easy so from that perspective there is nothing major preventing me from BFing DD other than that I have very large nipples, am a fairly unco person and I find it difficult to attach her. This could be resolved with more practice. Hoop Number 1 to go through. In the meantime, my supply has dwindled. This too could be resolved by feeding DD more (see Hoop Number 1) or by expressing more (Hoop Number 2). Expressing makes my nipples sore which in turn makes me fearful of attaching DD when it comes time for a feed. Bit of a vicious circle. Alternatively I guess I could take Motilium for my supply and I could look into different pumps that have bigger flanges to prevent my nipples getting sore.

So if attaching is not successful, I am still stuck doing three feeds in one. Try to BF, bottle feed, then express. By the time I've finished the bottle feed I DON'T WANT TO EXPRESS. I just want to cuddle DD. In addition, because my supply is not great, DD does not really settle after a feed. Yesterday between 3-11pm, she barely slept. I hate seeing her so unsettled.

Do I want to breastfeed? Yes, of course. Can I breastfeed? In theory, yes with more practice and with more work on my supply. Do I want to keep jumping through hoops to do it? No, I don't want to do that. I would like some quality of life where either feeding, thinking about feeding or thinking about solutions to feeding problems are not on my mind 24 hours a day. And I would like to be able to spend more time cuddling my daughter. I'm very lucky that DP is actually home at the moment but I have barely interacted with my toddler for a week now in trying to sort this out.

So for the person who posed the question about why women choose not to breastfeed, I hope that provides you with an insight into why some of us choose not to. I could lie and say that I'm not able to breastfeed but in my case, if I do decide not to, then I guess it's a choice.