BellyBelly Life Member - Love all your MCN friends
Jun 2004
The Festival State
3,008
Breastfeeding takes time to establish.
It's a skill, so takes time to learn/adjust.
Plus you have the memory of how it was to feed your first.
Before new bub arrives, get your "cheer squad" in place.Get your dh to work out the type of contact, you will have with visitors and esp the non-supportive inlaws. You have the rigth to say "no visitors for first month, we're bonding" or whatever. And they might be snippy, but in the longterm, if this helps you establish bf-ing with your bub, that's what reallly counts. Let dh be the buffer. IT's hard to establish bf-ing with visitors coming and going. You need SUPPORTIVE people around you, the rest can go jump.
* Join the ABA, you;ll get their bi-monthly publication "Essence" in your mail box, jampacked with supportive info.
* Buy their calendar, so you see postive bf-ing images around you each day.
* If you are able, go along to a local group, ask if there are any other mums there that have gone thru the nipple issue you describe. I learnt so much, listening to the ABA meetings going on, while i was pregnant.
* my dh and i went along to a COuples Info session, put on by ABA, for couples, late in their pregnancy. The info covered that afternoon, helped my dh be VERY supportive, when i went thru bf-ing ups and downs. His support was so important to the bf-ing continuing, when things were not easy.
*Look up the ABA online (google it) and bookmark the homepage.
* Have the ABA helpline phone number magnet on your fridge
*Find out the contact details for Lactation consultants in your local area, have those in your mobile phone, somewhere easy to find.
* These things will enable you to get help in a timely fashion. When things go pearshaped for bf-ing, it means pain, and you need TIMELY help, not next week, not next fortnight, but RIGHT NOW. Hard to think when you're in pain, sleep deprived etc, so have those numbers EASILY available to you, so you don' thave to go searching.
If you don't end up needing any of this - great - but if you do - you have done the research work BEFORE you need it.
Barb is giving you great advice, like you, i wish i had lived near Barb when i needed the bf-ing help! Our first four months was full of challenges.
bf-ing "experts". I discovered, that GP's, many hospital staff in the labour ward, were woefully untrained in breastfeeding knowledge. A big shock to me. Even Child Youth Health staff gave me out of date, incorrect info. And they were all the first people i reached out to for help. I cannot stress enough, ABA counsellors, lactation consultants.
Misinformation, by people you EXPECT to know about bf-ing, i think, is the biggest cause of women stopping breastfeeding, it's such a shame.
In the labour ward, (i was there for six days), every shift, a NEW midwife would give me DIFFERENT bf-ing advice, so confusing. I only thru it, as i had had my own midwife throughout my pregnancy (and for first six weeks of my baby's life), so as she visited me each day in the hospy, i had the CONSISTENCY of what she told me, to rely on. THis was a public hospital midwife, who was also an independent midwife. Without this consistency, i don't know that i would have coped with bf-ing.
And whatever goes down, this is not a competion btw. If you feed your bub for three hours, three weeks, three months, three years, it's all the same, you HAVE breastfed your child.
Set yourself up to succeed, ask for help WHEN you need it, don't "hold on" and hope it will get better. All you can do is give it your best shot. I don't believe bf-ing is possible for 100% of women or babies, but it is possible for many - IF they get TIMELY and ACCURATE bf-ing info.
all the best hon, i know you want this for your bub, i felt similar (but without the nipple thing, i had different challenges).
we live in a anti-bfing society, there are so many haters, if we want to bf our children, we have to actively seek out the pro-bfing people and the people with bf-ing knowledge. Because anti-bf-ing people (the majority of society) will blame every single normal baby thing on bf-ing. X doesn't sleep thru the night? you HAVE to put them on FF. etc etc.
SO choose your battles. Be around, or surround yourself with the positive.
the only way i could find that, was online, the calendar on the wall, the supportive dh, was not well enough to drive/get to the aba meetings. i found my "cheer squad" where i could. And it worked.
You won't talk around the inlaws, don't waste your energy. People who love you and love the baby will SUPPORT you with your bf-ing journey, others are not worth your time. Reconnect with the inlaws AFTER bf-ing is established and working well. Your baby is more important than the inlaws bringing you down. DOn't even get into conversastions with them about feeding, change the subject, anything to avoid it.
Practical things for actually bf-ing:
- ideally, get yourself a recliner so you will be comfy and not experiencingn back ache while you feed (i so wish i had done this). Bf-ing happens easier, if you are comfy, back supported.
- have a bf-ing basket right next to you, when you feed, so you will have, at arm's reach, whatever you need e.g lipbalm, breastpads, spare t for you, mop up nappy, babywipes, bottle of water for you, basic fruit you can eat while feeding, crackers etc, cordless phone, toy/book to entertain your toddler, (insert the things you know you get up for) - so you don't have to get up un-necessarily, when you are settled and concentrating on bf-ing.
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I had expectations of difficulties establishing bf too, though for different reasons to you - I had a breast reduction. But I read, asked, spoke with the hospital LC and got a bf plan, went to the ABA's education session with DP, read the APA book 'Breastfeeding....Naturally' and otherwise educated myself as much as I possibly could before DS came along. I decided to structure my Birth Preferences so as to give us the best chance of establishing bf - ie, everything I could to have a vaginal delivery, no pethidine, skin-to-skin with me, or if not me, with DP, immediately post-birth, I included in the Plan that I wanted to do Baby Led Attachment at least for for the first few feeds, etc. There is a sample ABA birth plan on their website which discusses all the different options which are thought to influence breastfeeding hormones and success, and gives the reasons and research for them as well.
All of this planning and educating and research worked for me - I was expected to be unable to bf at all, and now, DS is 6 1/2 months and he's been bfing from the start, though from 2 weeks we realised that we need to top up with formula as my supply is not enough for him. But he is still breastfed! And i'm really proud of that.
All of the advice people have given above, I totally agree with. The only other thing I can add, is that, if you are concerned with being pushed to give top-ups, as I was, in the early days of colostrum, before your milk comes in, then one thing you might consider is to start expressing colostrum now, and freezing it. That will give you a supply of colostrum top-ups which might keep the staff at bay while you give your body time for your milk to come is. Not all women produce colostrum before baby comes, and it is not an indication of breastfeeding success if you can or can't express a few drops, but if you want to know more about this, there are other threads which discuss the ins and outs in detail.
And come back on here and ask away, any time. There is so much support, and from women who have been through some, most or all of what you are going through.
Pholi - that is a fabulously amazing story - well done!
Such good support on these pages! Just wanted to reiterate. 10% weightloss is normal. If it’s “nearly over 10%” then it’s NOT over 10% and no-one should blink an eye. To be honest, 11% still looks pretty much like just a bit more than 10% and still no need for stress. You CERTAINLY wouldn’t expect to be back at birthweight by hospital discharge. If not back at birthweight you might need to re-evaluate the plan - (but the plan would not include formula at this stage, usually)
I've received some brochures and looked at the website. Very helpful. At least this time I can confidently dismiss my husbands family's underhanded remarks about depriving my baby in the first few days. Knowledge is power!
I started with flat nipples (one slightly inverted) and am currently breastfeeding my 11 week old son who comes complete with Down syndrome (tiny palate and broad tongue) and a nasal cannula from his home oxygen. He has laryngomalacia (floppy airways) so we stop for breaks when he gets gaspy, which only happens during the day when he's thinking too hard about it instead of going with the flow.
It's not always hard.. My daughter I found it difficult, but I was younger, had personal space and aversion issues, and only lasted 4 months. This time around is so much easier. I still can't pump as it hurts too much, but because of that I have a tin of formula in the cupboard in case of an emergency and I can't breastfeed. (Emergency babysitter, etc). I haven't had to use it yet but it's a reassuring backup when you don't have a freezerful of EBM.
Katters - thanks for your post. That's so reassuring.
I don't think my nipples are flat or inverted anymore. I think the problem with feeding my first baby was my DH's family being so opinionated and making me feel so bad because I couldn't get it right the first few days. As if becoming a Mum for the first time wasn't emotional enough!?! They gave me a hard time everytime DH wasn't in earshot. If he had heard he would've gone off at them. I didn't want him getting upset so I didn't tell him what they were saying initially. He is completely onto them this time.
I think the question you need to ask is- why do you have an audience in the first few days/weeks of life? Things are hard enough! Especially some so unsupportive and critical. I can hear your frustration coming through in your writing loud and clear. It's fantastic your husband is on board. A preventative word in their ear from him may go a long way. He needs to advocate for YOU while you bond with new bubba. You have way more important things to be doing. Gigi was so on the money with everything- tell them what YOU want and how things will be. It IS hard to establish BFing with people around and all up in your face.
I had to deal with ***** nurses in special care telling me I 'can't breastfeed my baby because he has Downs'. 'Will have feeding issues.' "Failure to thrive." All ridiculous statements as the only thing wrong with him is his floppy airways which he will grow out of. Thank god for my sister in law being by my side in the early days and telling them to shove it. I watched and learned and pretty soon I was telling them all to shove it, too. P is now 3 kilos over his birth weight (now almost 7kg), and turned 3 months a few days ago. He's in 90th percentile on regular growth charts and isn't even on the DS charts. He's healthy and happy and that is in no small part to our fantastic bond. Exclusively breastfeeding him in special care for almost 2 months (with EBM for night feeds) is the only thing that kept me sane at the time. And happily, spending all that 'slow-down' quality time with your bubba while you get to know each other will help you reset your perspectives. It will remind you of the true value of people's throwaway words and opinions, and what's really important to you.
I spoke again with my husband after reading your last post. He said he will say no visitors at all if that's what the baby and I need and that I just need to say the word. I feel good with that.
I breastfed my first for two years
Then I had a pituitary tumor make me very sick
The tumor and my pituitary gland was removed
Pituitary gland makes prolactin
Prolactin makes breast milk
I am now in the 3% of women who truly cannot breastfeed.
I can give my baby colostrum it comes from the placenta.
But no milk will come.
My second got five days colostrum then formula and donor EBM
Good luck! Get varied help, get second opinions
Find what works for you and bub
I wish, Katters. Still no baby for me. I'm 4 days overdue and desperate to meet my new son or daughter. They are way too comfy in there. My last pregnancy so I am trying to enjoy the last moments before this chapter of my life is over and I focus on raising two beautiful children. Now, if I could just do it in more comfort... lol. I am having trouble walking the baby is so low.
I am so pleased. My son is three weeks old and is breast feeding well. I am feeding him exclusively. I've found that I just need to express a little first and he manages to work the rest out.
We had some latching problems but they are sorted now. Almost anyway.
Thanks for all of your advice. You've all been wonderful.
Thanks Pholi. I regret not trying harder with my daughter. The pressure to ff was enormous but I should have sought out better help. She is thriving and absolutely wonderful so I'm sure she is fine.
Thanks. It's true when people say 'It gets easier'. I'm so much more relaxed about it now. In the first two weeks I was checking if my son had neonatal teeth because he used to munch down so hard!
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Things are hard enough! Especially some so unsupportive and critical. I can hear your frustration coming through in your writing loud and clear. It's fantastic your husband is on board. A preventative word in their ear from him may go a long way. He needs to advocate for YOU while you bond with new bubba. You have way more important things to be doing. Gigi was so on the money with everything- tell them what YOU want and how things will be. It IS hard to establish BFing with people around and all up in your face.
I get the feeling you won't be replying for a day or two 
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