Frangipani Lou..1st, I don't know much about BFAR but I feel I can somewhat relate.. My supply is very low (I think it's hormonal) and my son was failure to thrive so he was getting topped up through an NG tube. I did briefly use an SNS but just couldn't get the hang of it. DS isn't topped up anymore, as he's older he just has water through the day then a BF morning and night and sometimes if he still wants more and seems frustrated at the breast he'll have a bottle. I still express 3-5 times a day because I don't want him to have fomula, but also because if I don't my supply drops even further. I have been expressing for 13 months now and it's just a part of my day.

If you do want to try and express, remember you don't have to pump for ages.. It's probably better to pump for shorter times more frequently. As Lenny said though, bub would be getting more at the breast anyway!

If you don't want to express then thats ok too.. If you want to give bub more breastmilk, maybe you can look into donor milk? I didn't pump enough for DS so he was supplemented with donor milk. It's not right for everyone, but for me it took so much pressure off, knowing he was still getting breastmilk even if I couldn't provide it for him.

Feeding bub through an SNS is hard work, as well as dealing with a newborn! You are doing a great job to be giving her what you can.

As for how to get past it? I have no idea. I'm not there yet. I love breast feeding but HATE expressing. My goal is Feb. I would love to keep breast feeding, but I think my milk supply will drop and he'll wean once expressing stops, so I have it in my head that February will probably be it for both expressing and breastfeeding.

Anyway, I'm sorry breast feeding isn't easy for you. I hope you can make a decision you are comfortable with. If nothing else, just let yourself get lost in the moments bub is on your breast