So as many of you know, I had a breast reduction 20 years ago.
My gorgeous DD is now 5 1/2 weeks old and is breastfed while receiving formula as well through a SNS- Supplimental Nursing System(feed line) which we've been using successfully for about 10 days.

For the past few days I've been thinking about how it would be to just breastfeed, but its really not do-able, unless DD was attached to me constantly. I'm not sure how much milk Im making at the mo(last check I think it was about 50% of what DD needs) and will pump tonight to get an idea.

The thing is, grief has hit me BIG time today.... big sobbing grieving tears. How do I come to terms with this? I know she is getting breastmilk from me and that I love BFing. I just wish I has the time and energy to pump even just once a day so she'd get more from me.

I have time to pump now, but DD was unsettled with tummy pain so Im wearing her now as she sleeps. I feel so guilty for not pumping to give her more breastmilk but I'm often so tired at the end of the day and just need to sleep. After the first feed at breakfast time DD and I go back to sleep until she wakes for her next feed and somehow I dont usually get time to pump until after dinner when its late and I'm tired.

I bought a second SNS so I could use it overnight and BF DD at the same time but a bottle is so much quicker when Im tired and DD is half asleep.

How do I deal with this grief? How do I get to a point of being ok with how things are? Will I ever be at peace with not pumping or should I find a way to work it into my day?