Not enjoying this

[Mummato2]

Sorry if this sounds out of place, but I really need advice before making a next move.

I couldn't BF my son - I have PCOS and was told to come off Metformin one week before induction and because of the fact PCOS in my case affects Prolactin, I didn't produce near enough milk so decided to 100% FF

I was determined to BF my daughter - and stayed on Metformin - my supply couldn't be better. After an initial bout of mastitis in the first week, we are doing well, latch is great, she is an efficient feeder, no pain etc

BUT

She is a notorious sucker - but hates dummies.....so guess who is her human pacifier? Yup - which wouldn't be an issue if she was my first, but my poor son is suffering because his sister is constantly in my arms sucking!

It's getting to a point where she'll cry for it, and the only thing that will settle her is my breast and I am resenting it badly. I'm even starting to hate her normal feeds......

Any suggestions? Night time sleep isn't affected - she goes down at 7.30pm and only feeds once through the night - no wakings. So for me it's daytime and because of the desire to suck, her naps are a mess and constant battle.....

I'd love to hear from anyone that's overcome the constant daytime latching because my next move is to put her on formula and teach her to suck a dummy

Thanks in advance xxx

[BekZ]

Hugs hun. I've BTDT and it hard but it does get easier. Your DD is still really little and I would expect this is very normal behaviour.

Now regarding your DS. I used to feel so guilty for my older girls because DD3 would feed so often and for a long period at times. But this did teach them how to wait and be patient. I used to get creative and do activities with them whilst feeding (reading, blocks, dancing, playing music and lots of talking). I also found a sling very helpful. To help with the guilt factor I made sure I spent one on one time with each child at least once per day. Bath time and bed time is a good opportunity for this.

Now for you: Give yourself a break every now and then. I used to and still do go batty with being "needed" all the time. A bath by yourself or a walk does wonders.

I really have no other advice accept that is does get easier and it is just a matter of time. My DD3 won't take a dummy so my boobs are the only option. Thankfully she needs have reduced and the time spent feeding and comforting is a lot less.

Now

[Mrs Shrek]

I second the sling suggestion. Find one you can comfortably hands-free feed in, and then you'll feel a whole lot freer while she's still getting what she needs. This stage will pass, I promise. Take it one day at a time and find ways to pamper and soothe yourself when she's sleeping - you're lucky you've got a good sleeper, so take advantage of those evenings!!

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

I third the sling suggestion. They should be issued to all mothers before you leave home!
What you have on your hands in a perfectly normal 3 week old. Some times knowing that doesn't make it any easier (but sometimes it does)
Ultimately, breastfeeding mothers find the "mothering juggle" balancing the needs of a baby with a toddler is a whole lot easier when you are breastfeeding. You have a spare hand to read a book and pretty soon you will be walking around the kitchen dispensing toast and drinks with one hand with babe on the bood in the other arm. Gentle discipline starts at the breast, and it won't ultimately hurt your toddler to find out, gently, that it's not all about him anymore. Sometimes the baby will wait - sometimes the toddler - it's all about give and take.
I'd teach her to suck on a dummy long before you give her formula. Babies are hardwired to suck - she's doing what comes naturally! 3 weeks ago she was in your tummy - listening to your heartbeat, your breathing, being fed continually. Not a bad system - she really wants that again! Any smart baby knows that if she is on the breast then she has her mum right there. But you will find that she settles really well just "being" with you - against your chest where she can here your heartbeat. Grab that sling!

[Mummato2]

Thank you Barb x

I actually have a sling and Baby Bjorn - today after reading the suggestions I tried again with the dummy (worked half the time) and the other half I kept bub on my chest but tried not to offer my boob unless she was rooting for it and wouldn't take the dummy......it was a better day...

At what point does that strong sucking reflex ease off a bit? Would you recommend persevering with the dummy for times she clearly isn't hungry but desperately wants to suck? I didn't anticipate these issues

[Laranna]

My DD has been like that as well. I think it's pretty normal considering your DD is still so little, she's finding her groove. My DD has wanted to comfort suck a lot and there have been days where she has been constantly attached (or so it feels like!). I have set up easy to access activities for DS that I can help him while I've got the baby in my arms (reading, playdoh, crayons, etc). Some days (today was one of them), I just forget about everything else and we all go outside. I get comfy in a chair and feed, feed, feed and watch DS play in the backyard.

Anyway, back to the dummy...DD won't take a dummy either 95% of the time. I find that the only time she will take a dummy is when she wants to suck but not drink and is getting milk if she is attached to me. She'll pull off and shake her head and grizzle. That's when I find a dummy helps. Otherwise, a sling has been fantastic.

When DS, goes down for his lunch time nap, I also go and lie down with DD and let her feed and she will usually fall asleep and stay asleep a bit longer so I get to rest as well.

The sucking is for comfort and at such a young age, they want to be close to you. It really is hard work especially when you've got a toddler as well to attend to, but trust me it does get easier and the more you tend to her needs now, the more comfortable and confident she will begin to feel later when you can not be so physically close to her.

You're doing a great job xox

[Fleur]

Great advice form everyone else, I don't have anything better to add but wanted to give you hugs

My DS2 was the same, refused a dummy & used me as his comforter. It did get better as he got older - although he stayed that way until he weaned it got easier as he got older.

I second Barb's suggestion that you try & get her used to the dummy before you wean. They don't have to be mutually exclusive....it would be a shame though if you weaned & she still refused a dummy.

Don't know if I've said all that right (tired brain! ) so I will leave it there, more and hang in there. The first few weeks are tough (no matter what you do I think).

- Just wanted to add - can you get out for a walk with your DS - maybe put DD in the sling or pram - I have found this great for spending time with my older kids when there is no time to be had! All the distractions of home are gone & we just talk, they chatter and they have my undivided attention because there is nothing else to take me away.