When does it get easier?

[Beautitude]

Im having a bit of a hard time with bf at the moment. I ff DS1 from a young age so technically this is my first time bf. DS2 is an awesome feeder in comparison to DS1 but im starting to struggle with bf. DS2 takes ages to feed which i know is normal at his age (he is 2.5 weeks old) but i worry about what is going to happen when DH goes back to work. DS1 is already starting to lash out when i am feeding and so far he has his dads undivided attention. I dont know what is going to happen when he isn't here and DS1 is getting less attention. DS2 is also so unsettled ( i think my let down is quite fast and he chokes and gets quite windy) and im worried about how im going to cope with a ratty toddler and a screaming newborn. DS1 was quite a settled baby who slept alot better than DS2 so i keep thinking what if it was the formula that made him so settled ( which i know is not true as it could just be their different personalities) Not sure what i hope to gain by this post, guess i just want to know that feeding does become easier and that this wont go on forever. Some days i am just so close to giving up but i feel so guilty as things are going quite well albeit a bit of pain when attaching.

[onthefly]

Yes, it does get easier.
Those first weeks are always hard, no matter how you feed. And it really comes down to personality of the baby and your personal circumstances as much as anything. Have you given the ABA a call at all? They're always there to lend an ear and some reassurance. If he's having issues with the fast letdown, you can try feeding in more upright positions, or even leaning back so he's working against gravity. This will also improve as he gets older and bigger.

Are you able to feed in a sling or carrier at all? That would free up your hands with your older boy. Perhaps you could set him little tasks to help you out when you're feeding? (Others who've already been there may have some better advice on this).

DS took for-ever in the first month or so, then gradually got quicker and quicker. By 4 months he was done inside 5 minutes (at the max). I also found with a bit of time that things went smoother - I could stand up and walk around with him at the breast, for eg.

[Shanti]

It definitely does get easier and you'll be so thankful you perserved with it.

I will be back later on to add more, can't at the moment sorry.

xx

[Snacks]

Aw, I remember the first weeks with Phoebe and panicking at the thought of DH going back to work. (Come to think of it, I panicked when I only had 1 as well.)
As the others have said, it gets easier. With Natty, I was feeling very confident by about 7 weeks along, and it was pain-free. With Phoebe it was much earlier and by 3 weeks I was able to feed her standing up.
In the first few weeks of Phoebe's life Natty watched a lot of TV. It's not admirable but it worked. I did whatever worked, including bribery. It's hard, and I found settling Phoebe was tough too because Natty didn't understand that all she needed to do was wait a few minutes and then she'd have me to herself for ages while P was asleep.
TBH, regardless of how you feed, it is hard. Newborns are hard. But it really doesn't last long. Before you know it you will be 3 months down the track, DS2 will have settled down a bit (hopefully ) and DS1 will be used to it and will know the drill. You will cope, and you will even ENJOY them
It's understandable to think about FF if that's what you've got experience in. Just remember that feeding your baby isn't easy regardless of how you do it. It's worth sticking with the BF. Just take it one feed at a time and don't try to convince yourself that you are doing something wrong or something needs fixing.
You are doing such a fabulous job. Congratulations!

[Lewis's Mummy]

Both my boys have been different. With DS1 I had various problems with attachment, mastitis etc from when we left the hospital until I saw an LC and went to a day clinic - by 3 months things felt much better and we made it to 12 months in the end and gradually weaned so I could go back to work. DS2 has been different right from the start. Although he fed 2 hourly and took ages to feed for the first month or so, I had a great community midwife who gave me lots of help with the start of cracked nipples so that they didn't get worse, and by 6 weeks the feeds were more like 3 hourly during the day and up to 6 hours overnight. Now at 5 months it's just great and he feeds in 5 mins. I remember everyone telling me that 6 weeks was the magic week, but like I say, DS1 and I didn't find that and I remember being so disappointed... I am stubborn and determined and just refused to give up without doing whatever I could to get through and for me that meant driving from one end of Adelaide to the other for a 15 min appointment with an LC so that she could put it through medicare rather than charge me for a private consultation and travel costs! She was great, as was the day clinic I went to at the Lyall Mac. Where are you in Adelaide? PM me and I can give you more details if you like.

As for baby and toddler... yeah I asked that question back a while too. In the end though it just kind of took on a life of it's own. DS1 gets to watch tv while I feed DS2 and I get him a snack or whatever before I start... I've stopped asking whether he wants one, as he usually says 'no' and then inevitably changes his mind and refuses to wait even the short time it takes now... He knows how to put a dvd in the machine, has easy access to his puzzles, books, paper and pencils. After the first few weeks it really wasn't an issue. It's just part of our normal day I guess.

It will get easier, try to relax and enjoy each moment - they certainly don't stay little for long and before you know it they'll be up to mischief together! Keep your chin up and PM me if you need/want to know more about some of the services I found helpful in Adelaide.

[Shanti]

I realised after my post before that your concerns are more about trying to BF now that you have the 2 kids rather than BF difficulties themselves.

hun, it will get easier that's for sure. Although I don't have 2 kids to worry about just yet.....just a toddler.... from what my Mum has told me and so many other Mum's who have been there before me, when the baby comes along, you find ways to keep your toddler entertained while you are feeding. You will get pretty good at it because you're spending most of your day on the couch feeding a newborn bub anyway!

Yes, BF is time consuming initially, and some babies do take more time than others to feed. My DD at that age would take up to 1hr every feed time.... I would be sitting on the couch ALL day it felt like it! But I only had her to worry about too. That's great your DH is there to help you. My DH doesn't get time off work when we have babies (we have our own business) so it's just me.... but this time I'll be getting Mum's help that's for sure!!!!

When your DH goes back to work, you'll fall into your own routine, yes it will be challenging at first but you'll cope and find ways of coping. Talk to other mum's who have got 2 or more kids, find out what they did that works.

My Mum said when she had me (i'm the 2nd born) that she would keep my older sister entertained with snacks, books, games and a drink on the floor in front of her while she fed me. She made sure the doors were shut so my sister couldnt escape anywhere and Mum knew she was safe. Iykwim?

There is always TV/DVD's! Don't feel guilty for using them, you do what works and your DS1 will get used to the whole new routine of you having to feed his baby brother.

Persist with the BF'ing because in a few weeks time, your DS2 will feed SO MUCH faster and you'll be SO grateful for not having to sterilise bottles and buy formula!!!!!! Not to mention the health benefits he will receive!

Well done

[Beautitude]

Thanks everyone for your words. Im really looking forward to the days that DS2 will feed for only a few minutes, at the moment i just feel like he is taking forever and i worry about how i will cope with DS1 running around getting into trouble while i am confined to the couch feeding. He is often really unsettled after a feed also and i feel like maybe he isn't coping well with my breastmilk which i know is crazy to say as it is the best thing for him. Silly things enter your mind when you are trying to settle your baby for hours on end.

I guess its hard for me as I know bottle feeding back to front and i find that easy whereas iv never had much experience in breastfeeding and all i remember is how hard and emotional it was when i was trying with DS1. I must admit that everyday it does get a little easier and if DS2 could just get his attachment correct more often and actually stay on when he does get it right it would be really great.

[Shanti]

You're doing so well, and you're right, breastfeeding is totally different to bottle feeding. It's a learnt skill. You WILL get there, I promise. And you'll look back and be so glad!!

Give the ABA a call if you want to and discuss how you are feeling with them. That is what they are there for. Let them know how it's all different this time around as you FF last time (they will not judge you) and just go through it with them if you like. They are so supportive

[onthefly]

Sounds like you're already making great progress

[Snacks]

Sounds like you're already making great progress

Exactly what I was thinking!
If you are able to look at it rationally, that's brilliant. It is still really early days, so just look after yourself as much as you can while you all adjust to the new person in your lives.
You are doing so so so so well. And your DS will get heaps better at attaching/staying on very soon. Hang in there xx

[Lewis's Mummy]

I was just thinking about routines and how I never thought I'd manage to bf DS2 because of dealing with DS1... like I said earlier, it all just eventually fell into place after a little while. Now when DH is home it almost messes the routine up! Crazy huh?! And TV/DVDs are a God send - I love ABC 2 almost as much as DS1 who now knows how to use the remote to get 22. Hope things are getting better bit by bit and you're finding your confidence. Like my GP said when I had DS2, the goal posts change when you have more than 1 and you just do whatever you can to get through each day. DS1 will get the hang of this new order of things with some time too and he won't remember life being any different.

[belfie]

ooh Beautitude - firstly, congrats on BF'ing . Secondly i know how you're feeling! Our little ones are very similar ages, and like you I'm getting used to the concept of BF'ing with a toddler running around. I had all these plans to be so organised & give DS quality time in between feeds blah blah... but tbh I find that my days are frequently chaos with an unsettled baby. When I'm not feeding I'm running from one thing to another - feed him, feed me, feed her, find the kitchen under the chaos lol.
So here's a few things that I keep trying to remind myself!

• The ABA class we went to showed that while the initial time taken to BF is longer than FF'ing, it swings around the other way once they're more efficient (& a little older) and is much quicker. I know you know this, but it's nice to remind ourselves, it will get better and it will be really good.
• I have a "present" bag for DS. If we're having a rough day, out comes the bag and he gets to select one item (ok so I don't really let him see that there's more in there). A new car/truck/train keeps him occupied for ages (I was lucky in that my sis gave us a heap of lego/duplo).
• I (finally) re-ordered his toys into 3 tubs. Two are stashed away and I'm rotating them. This definitely helps on the day the new tub comes back out again - and gosh he loves those "re-found" toys.
• Getting to the park. He loves a play, she settles really well in the stroller, and it helps me to feel more sane. He definitely seems to enjoy the time with me more too - I think he feels he gets more mummy.
• Wearing her... this is new for me as I couldn't do it until recently but I"m finding the ergo near dinner time is a lifesaver.
• Going with the flow... sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. DS crying at the baby gate for "cuggles" one day nearly broke my heart. But we got through it.
• Ah yes, a babygate. Is there a way you can set up a good safe place for you to feed & him to play? That way you'll feel more relaxed & comfortable that he's not doing something terrible and you can see what that is!
• TV. DVD. TV. Whatever works! My little fella doesn't work the remote/DVD yet, so I set it up prior.
• Snacks for him that you can dole out - or he can share with you (always fun!)
• Feeding on the sofa with some of his fave toys next to you? I've found DS loves flopping around on the sofa next to me, and we play peekaboo with the cushions. Books and trains (spot the obsession lol) also work well.
• Asking him to do totally unnecessary tasks for you (or necessary ones!) - DS just loves helping. He likes to get me cushions or my water bottle or all sorts of things. If I lie DD down for tummy time he wants to lie next to her & burp her lol. Get him feeling like he's "helping".

I'll be honest we've had some rocky times already, especially the night DH was out from 9am to 9pm and I thought I was going to go mental when she was unsettled from 5pm to 9pm arrrgh. Was in tears by 7.30... but what didn't kill us DID make us stronger. She cried. I cried. I flooded the bathroom (was trying to run one-handed bath - yeah don't do it). He got to bed (eventually). And we all survived .

Re the feeding stuff, I'm feeding with DD more upright, and leaning back more (she chokes a bit on my letdown on one side, and like you - is MUCH more unsettled than DS was. I found attaching was initially very painful but has improved. If you're wondering about your attachment at all, I'd definitely say ring ABA or see an LC. It's worthwhile making sure it's all working well for you at this stage.

GL with it all, you're doing a great job and you CAN do it!
Belfie