My first was a emergency c-sect and wasn't empowering at all but this time I have spoken to my nurse and doctor and told them if it comes to another c-sect I want bubs put straight on me and not to be taken away from me unless absolutely nessisary and they r fine with what I want and r willing to help me out as best as they can. All I can reccomend is talking to ur birth team (midwives OB, doctors everyone) and make sure they know and can support what u want. Generally I think u will find they will do everything u want provided its safe
I had my second c-sec at a little country hospital, so even though I asked about maternally assisted or parts thereof they were horrified and ruled it out.
After that I knew that there was nothing more to be done about it and how I reacted was my own choice.
I chose to be grateful that my baby was being assisted on his journey. I chose that I wasn't going to feel negative about his birth experience as it wasn't his fault and he didn't get to pick either. I didn't want any negative feelings surrounding what was one of the greatest days of my life - so I didn't let them.
I really try hard to live simply and happily and so this was a continuation of that for me. I know it's not always as easy as it sounds, and I truely wish you well on this journey Beema. I hope she turns for you.
I found that when I had DS I was in more control as I had had a c/s and I knew what to expect etc. I found that in itself empowering.
I also was the first to hold DS without gloves;
I got my skin to skin contact straight away;
And DS came into recovery with me - and he's been with me ever since :-)
Geez, I was even cracking jokes on the table during the c/s ;-)
Practically, it really depends on how you heal after the c/s as to how you'll be impacted in day to day life.
I kept moving, albeit slowly which I found assisted the healing process, but not everyone is as lucky. Though there are a few things you could in preparation like freezing meals; having a busy box to occupy Miss N; I'm sure you can order shopping online to assist in that dept.
As for books - I bought the Sarah Murdoch and Juju Sundin book Birth Skills a pretty good read. (I would lend it to you but I leant it to a friend and I don't want her to get sus on me just yet!). If she brings it over next weekend when I'm due to see her next at DS' b'day I'll let you know :-)
Someone on BB has in there signature 'babies don't care how they got here, they are just happy to be here' or something along those lines. With a 3rd c-section and this time an elective one in Sept this year....those words have helped me over the past week or so look at my past c-sections with pride and as a positive experience. I have also put them on my FB page as a constant reminder.
My OBGYN also said some magic words for my last one after I FTP...'be proud of yourself, you did a wonderful job but it just wasn't to be'. After that, the sun shone for me and I fell in love with my youngest son.
This is my last baby, I can not mentally or emotionally afford to allow it to be anything but a positive experience! That works for me.......
Beema, my CS was both empowering and also deeply healing for me. This is in the context of having asked for a CS for DD2 after a deeply traumatic first VB experience with DD1.
Some of the the things that made a difference to me:
I had a birth plan in place for my C/S - kept it brief & quick to read on a single page. Handed it around and the staff paid me the respect of reading it and also placing a copy in the very front of my file.
In my birth plan I stated my intent to heal my previous traumatic experience. I think the staff responded to that.
It was important to me for DH to not see my insides. This felt like reclaiming some respect & dignity. While it meant they kept the drape up after DD was first born, they were quick to get her to us.
I asked - religiously every time I went to the hospital - if I could breastfeed & have skin to skin contact in theatre. I received every answer under the sun from yes, no, it depends, I don't know - but on the day my intent shone thru and while i didn't get to breastfeed her in theatre we had skin on skin contact and she stayed with me the whole time except for about 10 mins when we were in transit to recovery. The theatre midwife knew how badly I wanted to offer that first feed AND the hospital had the BFing best practice guidelines of offering a feed as close to birth as possible, so she hung around longer in recovery so I could feed DD, even though they were paging her to get a move on LOL.
I asked to see and touch my placenta, as this was something I missed during my first birth. They were unable to do this in theatre because of everything else that was going on, but the same theatre midwife kept it for me in a bucket and brought it up to me (in her own time) at the end of her shift. What a darling.
I was really worried about being left alone with my baby and unable to cope (after experiences with DD1 when I needed help in the middle of the night and couldn't find anyone for several hours) - so I asked for DH to be allowed to stay for the first night or so. In the end they allocated me a single room (even though I would normally have shared) so DH was able to stay the entire time. This helped enormously as I felt like I had support and assistance, unlike with DD1 when DH wasn't allowed *any* time off work (yup, only legal to deprive someone of parental leave if they work in defence).
Ok so a lot of these things won't necessarily apply in your situation, but the important thing is to think about the birth you want and really distill it down to the things that are most important to you, get that into your birth plan and let the staff know WHY you want it that way. I was also quite vocal about needing reassurance on the day because I was terrified (for a number of reasons), and I don't know if they're like this for everyone, but they really did go that extra step to care for my wellbeing, rather than just getting the procedure done.
And the best thing? My little darling was born with none of the distress and pain that DD1 had, she was calm and fat and rosy, and now as a 2 yr old, she has a much greater tolerance for pain than DD1 had at the same age, which I think is a reflection on the calm way she entered the world.
Last edited by AnyDream; July 28th, 2010 at 10:06 PM.
I know you didn't ask but I just wanted to ask if you've considered a breech birth? You may have looked into it already, but in case you haven't thought it was an option I thought I might raise it for you.
I had midwives with me, and as soon as bub was born, his butt was placed against my cheek as they took him off to test him. DH got to cut the cord (they left it on the long side) and then as soon as bub was checked out, he was tucked down my top, resting on my chest.
He stayed in recovery, where a midwife focused on getting him attached to the breast, and he rode back to the room on my chest, where after a long cuddle, he was weighed and measure.
Had a single room, so DH stayed and did the first nappy change and got up to DS in the night.
Thankyou everyone for you replies, I really appreciate the time and effort you have all gone into posting, you have really given me a lot to think about and I think I will be doing a birth plan a bit earlier this time, didn't get one done for DD as she arrived before we looked at it but it was only going to be very basic, as will what I do this time as it is likelt to be happenening pretty fast either way.
Some great suggestions mykids, I will be definitely taking note of them and putting some into my birth plan, I would not have thought about half of the things you have written, I know with DD i had a lot of stuff on the floor and down low. Not standing for 24 hours, wow I didn't realise it could be that long, but at least I cen be more prepared for that if it does happen.
Thankyou so much for sharing such a personal experience and one that you are still struggling with surprised You haven't come across as being unsympathetic at all. I haven't got any grandmad undies, got some other "normal one's" that I hadn't got around to buying with DD, but I will grab a pack of the grannie one's to pop in my bag JIC, I've got the soft trackies already
You have really put a positive spin on so many things I was seeing as negative, yet I can make up for them in time if this is the way things go. I just needed to see things from a different perspective and you have really helped with that.
Thankyou so much for that information Arimeh I rang my insurance company yesterday and there are not conditions, all I would need is a verbal ok from my OB, you have really taken one of my fears off my mind and I really appreciate it. Although I haven't experienced and don't fully understand what it was like for you, it is births like yours that has brought this to a forefront as to how I can prepare myself better for it should it happen.
Thankyou so much for that ~*Kat*~, my OB and her MW's are very supportive, but if I don't make it to 36 weeks I won't be delivering with her MW's as I will be in a different hospital as they can take me until I get to 36 weeks, but I will be talking with my OB about it and making things clear in my notes and I hope to bring forward meeting with the backup OB as it isn't until 34 weeks so that she can be up to date with my wishes as well JIC my OB has time off when it all happens, definitely worth getting everyone on the same page early. I am glad this this time you are able to be much more prepared and putting things in place to make it a more positive experience.
Thankyou ~Kim~ for sharing a more positive way to look at the delivery, and that even thought it isn't mine or bubs choice how they arrive and that I can't lay blame or be upset about that.
Thankyou Malyna for sharing those special moments that your experienced with your DS, and the efforts made to BF in recovery, and wonderful that the weighing and measuring was put off to enable lots of skin to skin, DH can stay in the priate hospital but I am not sure about the public one, as when I had DD it was the middle of the night and I sent him home to bed at 2am, there was nothing he could do. But if we get to 36 weeks I know he can stay with my int he private hospital, and home is literally just down the street
Thanks meow, it has definitely crossed my mind to have a breech delivery, but I know my OB won't go for it, and I have been really happy with my care with her and based on the risks I can't afford to step away from the medical environment as such, but if bubs decides to come in a hurry like last time she might just have to deliver breech I have watched a few breech deliveries and read a number of breech birth stories as well which have been really interesting.
Thankyou so much MD for sharing, what a great perspective to take and I really appreciate the view it has given me, which is quite to opposite of what I thought I would see, I hadn't expected to see it as a healing of a traumatic VB experience. And wonderful to hear that is was such a calming and gentle experience for you and your DD, which I see has been one of my fears the CS that I have seen have not come across like that at all (some have freaked me out with how rough it looked) except for the maternal assisted one. Even if some of the things that you have posted may not apply they have certainly opened my eyes to another perspective that I would not have been able to gain without you sharing your experience.
I am not sure if DH would even contemplate looking over the screen, it is something that I would be mroe interested in seeing than he would!!!
Thankyou Vixstar for providing such a positive view for a CS 'babies don't care how they got here, they are just happy to be here', I wish you all the very best for your delivery in September and I hope you are able to make your last birth a postive and empowering experience.
Thankyou so much leesa for the book suggestions, and if you do get them back soon i would definitely been keen for a read. Your other suggestions have been great as well, I hadn't thought of a special box for when I get home, i had only thought about something for her at the hospital.
I am definitely a person who likes to have some sort of control over their future and although I am not afraid to wing it, if I can have some things in place to try and make this as positive as possible I think it will help me accept what ever mode of delivery this baby needs to take to arrive safely.
So much information to absorb and take on board and hopefully I can produce a short and succinct birthplan, that covers the wonderful suggestions above and make sure that everyone is on the same page, and no matter which path or how early or even FT this baby choses to arrive I can be more at peace with what may or may not eventuate
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I hope she turns for you.
but it was only going to be very basic, as will what I do this time as it is likelt to be happenening pretty fast either way.
I have watched a few breech deliveries and read a number of breech birth stories as well which have been really interesting.
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