Coming to terms with elective c/s when dearly want a VBAC. Anyone else like me?

[JoyMama]

Hi there
I am now 11weeks and have known since pre-preg that this birth will need to be c/s also due to medical reasons (major tearing of uterus during last emerg c/s). With the extra vertical scars I have it is too risky to attempt another vbac.

In my world I am surrounded by either earthy births women who would not dream of anything other than homebirth ( my last birth was a planned home vbac) and find the idea of elective c/s so foreign and then I have friends who are I'll informed and have had c/s all the way, most of them don't know why and one doesn't even remember who her obs was! Two of them were repulsed by the idea of looking at their placenta never mind taking it home to bury.

I know we are all different, but I am feeling alone. I desperately want to experience a vaginal birth but this can never happen for me. That dream us over. I have almost accepted that but I wish I could feel understood by those around me.

I am in the midst of planning And negotiating the best caesarean birth I can for my baby and I. I hope it will be joyful and calm. My previous two births were not (emerg c/s).

I would love to hear any really empowering, positive birth stories and any recommendations for my birth plan.

Thanks so much
Xoxo

[HotI]

That must be so tough. I had a traumatic birth first time, and found that during the 2nd pregnancy issues kept coming up but through talking and writing and thinking and even dreaming i was able to work through alot and was much more at peace by the end of the pregnancy. I reckon that is why pregnancy goes for 9 months, to allow you time to get your head ready as well as your body.

Have you seen the Face of Birth? There is a story by a woman who had to transfer and had a c section, but was able to get the peaceful environment that she wanted for her son's birth.

Wishing you love and energy during your pregnancy and a joyful birth on your terms.

[Nai]

I know how you feel - I had a similar thing with my Vbac attempt in that my uterus ruptured and I was told that any future babies would have to be c/s. I won't be having any more but I also desperately wanted a vaginal birth and know that it will never happen. I don't know how to approach it but did want to stop by give you big hug!

[Beach Mama]

I think a big part for me was just accepting that it was happening. I aimed for a VBAC but at 14 days over needed a c/s.

I did surrender that day and was quite firm with what I wanted, baby with me in theatre, first feed to be a breast crawl and not in recovery just cuddles in recovery plus recovery isn't a very nice or private place IMO! I also put things in place to help my milk come in so we were feeding baby every 3 hours and expressing in-between to asset my supply - tough going but it helped and worked, also taking pain meds so that I made sure that I was feeling ok to look after him.

That is all stuff after the birth but for me the actual c/s felt like it went for about 10 mins because once bub was here and in my arms I didn't really care about everything else! I also think that an elective c/s tends to be a bit calmer but then you said your previous ones weren't joyful or calm. Could you go back and have a think about what made them like that and then write a list of things to do to make this experience what you want it to be.