CS under GA disappointment thread

[~mamaspice~]

Hi Lovely ladies,

I just wanted to start this thread for those of us who are:
disappointed/sad/grieving/angry
or ALL of the above, after having a CS under a general anaesthetic.

I thought it would be a good spot to tell your story and support each other.

I'll start by telling my story:
I was booked in for my ECS the day before due to having Pre-eclampsia.
I remember being told by my OB's receptionist not to eat or drink for 8 hours before the Op in case I needed a general. I turned to my student mid standing beside me and said "I DO NOT want a general" and she re-assured me that it is very very rare these days.
Fast forward to 7am the next morning and the anaesthetist tried several times to get my epi in. Finally he got it in but I only started going numb down one leg. All of a sudden I heard the words general anasthetic and before I knew it DH was ushered out of theatre and the mask was placed over my face.
Next thing I new I woke up out of the anesthetic crying and a baby, My baby? was placed on my chest. It was all very surreal.
In the weeks after the birth I started to grieve my "lost" birth experience. I felt totally ripped off. Having to have a CS was bad enough as it was let alone this. I did not hear my babies first cries, or get to hold and comfort her. One minute I was pregnant and the next minute I wasn't. There was NO birth or transitional process for me.

I found I had little support from family or friends. They just didn't seem to understand how I felt. Many actually saying "I'd prefer to have a general then be awake for the operation".

As time has passed my wound has started to heal, but the sadness of what I missed out on will never truely go away.

I know there is only a 1 in 100 chance of ending up needing a general so I am one of an unlucky few, but I know there are more of you out there. . . .

[~Debbie~]

i have never been in that situation, but, i imagine how it must feel. For me, it would be hard to connect the baby in my arms to the one that used to be in my belly. Almost like a - if you didnt see it come out, didnt feel anything, how do you know its yours.. thats what i would think.

[ticklish]

Hi Spice,

I am still around and am here for support.

Like you, I had a CS under GA and have found no support from friends and family - no one understands the hurt. Even DH doesn't understand. I am told to just suck it up and should be grateful that DS#1 turned out okay - especially because our first pregnancy ended in a loss. Yes, any baby is special but so was my birth experience. After all it was the moment I finally became a mum and I can never get it back.

I totally hear you. Yes, we need support.

My CS under GA was unnecessary. I simply trusted the wrong OB and should have sought a second opinion from someone who actually knew what they were doing. (And yes, I have sought legal advice about suing and the answer was it wasn't worth it!! Even the legal system can't compensate for the hurt and loss! - another story!)

It hurts like hell that the first sight of my baby was one that had been wiped clean and had been dressed!

I am so sorry that you had to go through this and that there are other women who have had GAs too!

TICKLISH

[~mamaspice~]

Ticklish. I know exactly what you are going through. Has the birth of your most recent bub helped heal the hurt?

And thankyou for your kind words Debbie.

[Nadine216]

I had a cs under ga ... and I although I do know how you are feeling, I have to say that I was able to make peace with mine. I really hope you get the support to make peace with yours too.

I just feel that in a world where we are being pulled and pushed into "natural" vs "medical" procedures, we are sometimes expecting too much and are extreamly dissapointed when things don't go as we planned.

My cs were an emergency and I were told that it's better to go under ga as if something went wrong, I'm already under and they can help me asap. I wanted the whole VB thing ... waters breaking, having labour pains, I even secretly wished I would have some MINIMAL tearing ... just to make it all more real, kwim?? I never got that chance, and never will. I developed HELLP and to safe my life, my ob took out my baby at 33 weeks with a classic c/s under ga. I saw my baby for the first time about 3 hours after the c/s on my DH's camara phone that he secretly snuck in (he was allowed to sit throught the cs) and held her for the first time the next moring at 10:15. I did not realised what happend, because it went so quickly. After about a month or two I was devestated by the fact that I did not get my VB, even more devestated when my ob told me he had to use the classic cut and that I would not be able to even have a VBAC. [ I even "forgot" about what he told me and tried pushing my luck this time around same answer though ]

Now I'm pregnant with my second child. I'm having my c/s done on 39 weeks ... if my ob does not think it fit sooner. I will not be allowed to go into labour, will not be allowed to be induced, will not be allowed anything connected with a VB. So in all honestly ... I'm hoping my waters break sometime during the night It's hard to swallow, but I'm ok. I can do this. I CAN bring two kids into the world without labour pains and still feel proud and motherly. I'm not ashamed about it ... if you can get a pin saying "I'm a CS mommy" I would wear it.

Don't get me wrong .. I'm all for VB, because it's what nature intended, BUT I would never look down on a woman who had a c/s .. to me that is also giving birth and should be treated with the same respect that VB mommies get.

oops - got a little feral there

So all I wanted to say was: YOU are wonderful, YOU are a woman and mother, YOU are allowed to feel disappionted, YOU are allowed to be mad ... but you also have to allow yourself to heal, to accept, to forgive.

Thinking of you

[ticklish]

Thanks for sharing your story Nadine. I admire your strength.

HELLP - now that is not something to muck around with. I glad it worked out. Must feel great to get past 33 weeks this time. How is it going? All the best for the 19th next month.

Can I ask - how did you make peace with yours?

This is where I struggle. Mine was unnecessary - I wish my OB had just admitted that he did not have the experience and did not exactly know what he was doing in my case. Mine was unnecessary! My consent was based on incorrect information - and that hurts. I should have sought a second opinion but I was too emotionally vulnerable at the time, especially after being told, wrongly, that there was a high chance my baby was going to be born damaged. I fully expected to have a CS if that was necessary.

TICKLISH

[~mamaspice~]

Why not this one.