Hi Frangipani,

Great news that your friend has had her baby and that she is okay - I think its just great at this point that they detected there was a problem and got the baby out quickly... Itsnprobably not what she was expecting - but it's better than the alternatives. In the same situation with the twins,i had a lot of time to prepare myself, so I can imagine that this may be difficult for her as it wasnt the outcome she may have expected....

It's great thatshe has been transferred to be close to her baby. I wasn't able to see the girls for 2 days after birth and that was tough, although DH and my mum were able to be with them.

I wouldn't worry to much about the bring at this point, not because it's not important (it is) but your baby being on CPAP is somewhat traumatic and upsetting, especially if you had not been expecting a Caesar and pramature birth. She may be less concerned about the bfing and sugar water, than she is about her baby breating on his own and being out of NICU.

Twin 1 (who shall remain nameless on here) was put on CPAP for the first 24 hours after birth, and the NICu midwives kind of drill into you that at that point the main aim is getting the baby of CPAP as soon as is possible, so this may be the main thing she is thinking about. Expressing colostrum is brilliant is she can do it and they will determine how quickly they can give it to him via tube feed.

Both our girls were tube fed for the first week, twin 2 moved to being tube fed and bottle fed 8 days after birth. Because she would get so tired from sucking (this is the main reason they tube feed premmies) they get exhausted from the work it takes to suck either a boob or a bottle. I'm assuming it's fairly similar, so all I can tell you from personal experience is that the tube feeding didn't in our case affect the sucking reflex. Because the tube goes through their nose and down the back of their throat to the tummy - instead of through their mouth we were told it wouldnt affect sucking because they don't actually have anything in their mouth for feeding (eg no tube going in through their mouth if you know what I mean?). Of course every baby is different, but when we were in NICU generally everyone was doing the same thing, when their baby was strong enough they do dual feeding. So if bfing then you may tube feed the first feed in the morning, then next feed may be a BF - the tube stays in their nose down to their tummy - but doesn't get in the way of sucking.. I'm not very knowledgable on bfing but I would think similar to bottle, he will take as much as he can on the boob and then they may top him up via his tube with either anything she has expressed or formula, whatever is available... In other words, I don't think the tube will make him orally defensive - there were a lot of mums dual feeding in NICU between tube and breast...

I can understand she may not be ready for visitors. It's a very distressing thing to go through and if this is her first baby she may be struggling with not knowing what is going on, or what to expect. The pain from a caesar also can make it difficult to be with baby for long periods... It requires a wheelchair etc and sitting upright for longer than normal periods, this combined with having to express etc may be quite overwhelming.

I would just let her know your there for her when she needs and wants you. Also as hard as it may be, try and understand that bfing might not be her first concern at this point. I wasn't mine. I just wanted my babies to breathe unaided and to get out of humidicribs and into open cots. Humidicribs amongst other things signify that baby cannot regulate it's own temperature, so for us the pads could have said feeding baby rocket fuel through its ear would have been the best approach and we would have agreed.Anything to just know they were going to be okay...

As for the practical stuff... At bit like the other mummas have said, I would have been mortified if anyone outside my family had have cleaned my house or done my washing! Since she is your BFF she may be totally fine with it - but I would ask first. One thing that may be useful, if she wasn't expecting a premmie... Maybe you could grab her a couple of 00000 grow suits and just drop them at the hospital reception? I'm assuming her baby is little and she may not have anything to put him in after he comes out of the humidicrib? This might be something thoughtful that she would appreciate if she hasn't had the opportunity to prepare for having a premmie?

Also if he's 36+5 and is on CPAP - it's possible she may be coming home before her baby This is really difficult and she will want to go in to see him I'm sure, for feeds and just to be with him, as much as possible so I agree with the suggestion someone else made - if she has other children, helping look after them would be super helpful so her DH can be there for her.. If she doesn't have other kids, she won't be able to drive after a caesar, so being her taxi to and from the hospital when you are not working would probably also be much appreciated!

The only other thing I will say is that she will likely be being bombarded with information from all angles inside the hospital, so just try and be a good listener. My friends and family all wanted to help, and they felt helpless so they offered as much advice as they could... And unfortunately - it wasn't helpful and it just made me angry. In hindsight I was just incredibly stressed, but a lot of the advice was at odds with what my caregivers were saying... Premmies are a little different to full term babies and as a result the care and priorities surrounding them is quite different to that of a full term bubba. It's so hard for everyone involved to understand and I found the only person I wanted near me were my BFF's who didn't have kids (go figure).. Because they didn't try and give me advice or ask a heap of questions... They just listened and said I was a legend and that the twinnies were doing great at that stage, just hearing some normal stuff, really helped.

Your an amazing friend for caring so much and she's lucky to have you when she needs you.

I hope she and her baby are ok xx