Feeling conflicted, guilty and undecided about how to birth baby #2

[Blondie]

Thanks so much RhiChiChi - Maybe after a talk with my OB I will feel more inclined to go one way or another. My appointment is in Oct

Gosh maybe it's just the pregnancy hormonees but I am overwhelmed by all the support I have recieved - thank you all so much it means so much to me that everyone is being so encouraging and positive. It makes me feel empowered to know that I am the master of my own destiny.....Oh dear, I sound like an extra from Starwars! If people at work haven't already guessed i'm pregnant they will soon know when they look in the corner and see the fat lady blubbering at her computer

[fionas]

I'm like Onyx - I think if it wasn't for interventions and I'd had to birth 200 years ago, I would definitely have died in childbirth.

DD1 was a forceps delivery. I pushed for close to three hours with absolutely no movement (or at least that's how it seemed to me). Utterly futile but I was with an ob who I chose because he is anti-intervention as much as possible.

Unfortunately, I also had severe SPD (pelvic instability) so the three hours of pushing with my knees against my shoulders did me, I believe, irreparable damage. I still can't get into that position without being in severe pain five years later. Anyhow, this has had a huge impact on my life. Housebound after having DD1 because I couldn't walk very far, couldn't lift her etc. etc. Moved to a house with no stairs because I can't do stairs very well.

SPD is something that gets worse in every pregnancy. At 7 weeks pregnant with DD2, I was told I would be in a wheelchair. I managed to avoid that by doing very little, but I was housebound AGAIN.

Bear with me, here comes the bit that's relevant to you. Despite all the evidence telling me that a vaginal birth would likely be difficult and likely to once again cause me many difficulties post-birth, I still faced judgement from people when I told them I was considering an elective caesarean AND I still thought maybe it was a copout. Now, I can't believe I was so stupid that I let other people's opinions make me feel bad. I had spoken to my physio AND several independent midwives who all told me that they believed a caesar was the best option for me OR at the very most I should only push for 20 minutes absolute max to minimise further damage.

End result was I had an elective caesarean. Best thing I ever did. Although I have ongoing issues with SPD, my recovery after the caesar was much, much better than after the VB.

At the end of the day, we are all different. Choose what's right for you and please, don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your choices. They didn't experience what you experienced.