I cant have a VB and I dont want a c/s........SCARED!

[**Helen**]

I am all over the place at the moment. I desperately do not want to have another c/s. I had a bad experience with my DS. I felt things that hurt and made me vomit and had trouble coping until I was in recovery. However I cannot have a vbac, as I vb DD and came out with third degree tears all the way through to my anus. I had trouble with wind afterwards as it took awhile for the muscles to completely repair themselves. I recovered quicker from the c/s and it was better than the vb I had with DD. However I just cannot handle the fact that it wont be a pleasant experience.

I desperately want to be able to give birth, however I have a 60% risk of permanent bowel damage, and it really isnt worth it to me.

I am sure I will get over it soon, but I am just so scared and need to get my feelings out there.

I would like to have gas, a spinal and also an epidural in place incase they dont administer enough into the spinal. Do you think that they would consider this?

I am petrified that I will just cry like a baby and refuse to enter the operating theatre. I HATE the idea of having my back played with and it feels awful. I would like to be able to have gas to calm me, I mentioned it last time, but didnt get it. Do you think I could push for it this time, or does it affect things?

Thanks for reading.

[Nadine216]

I don't know what to say.

I'm having a c/s too ... did not have a bad experiance the first time around, so I don't know how scary it can be.

I would think that if you sit your OB down and tell him/her that you are scared and what happend with your previous c/s, he/she will be able to put your mind at ease and work out something that is going to fit you both.

You could always consider general for the c/s ... not so nice, because you won't get to hold your babies right away ... BUT you won't feel or see or hear a thing Personal choice.

Goodluck hun, it'll all work out just fine

[**Helen**]

Thanks Nadine and Mis_tree-I dont like the idea of a GA as I freak out that they have not given me my babies. Weird I know, but I am paranoid. I wonder if they will let DH sit in. I know they dont allow it, but I need to know that he was there to see me give birth(so to speak) to the twins and know that they are ours and have him hold my hand, even though I am asleep.

I agree though, I big talk with my OB, hopefully next week.

[BellyBelly]

c/s can cause organ damage too... hmmm might be worth getting some extra opinions on this one.

[Nadine216]

I'm not in Aus ... but my DH sat in with my first c/s and it was an rushed emergency c/s under GA. We did not even have to ask if DH would like to sit in ... the dr just told him to get scrubed and get his butt in there. It really was reasuring to know that he was with me the whole time.

So maybe if you explain your feelings to your OB ... they might give in and have your DH sit in for the c/s. TBH I can't see how it would be a problem, because if you have a c/s with a spinal .. your DH will be sitting in, so WHY could he not sit quietly by your side when you are under GA.

Just a note: IF you get permission for your DH to sit in under GA, please, please let him know that there will be no barrier to keep him from seeing how they operate. My DH is not squimish (worked as manager in a abbittoir for 5 years) and he was a bit freaked out after the operation. I think it's because they worked on his WIFE He is sitting in with this c/s too, but requested that we can't view the actually cutting and stuff. So maybe get him to view a c/s video with you, so that he can be prepared for what he will be seeing.

[aussienic]

Before my first c/s I was so terrified!

For yoiur fears I would mention them to the Aneathisists (I can't spell let alone say this word lol) When I was so scared going in for my 2nd c/s due to extra numbness and panic attack I had the first time round he was just wonderful! and my 3rd experience was the best so far.

I would really recommend talking to someone well before the day..

I hope you are able to find a solution..

[~Kim~]

I agree with Nic, arrange an appointment with the anaesthetist prior to going to theatre.

Like you I could feel the start of my c/s and so they upped my spinal block to the point I was really ill. When I had to go to theatre in April I told the anaesthetist and he was great. There are always other drugs they can use and different preventative medication to stop you feeling horrendous.

[Tanya]

Hmmm... I don't think you have been told the whole truth about v/b after severe tearing. Maybe do another post about other womens experiences after such a birth?

Anyway, there are things you can do to help you get your head around a c/s.
1. Do not schedule the surgery, go into labour on your own before the c/s
2. Ask for the screen to be lower so you can see baby being born, make sure there are mirrors so you can see properly.
3. Make sure it states in your birth plan that if baby is born with no problems you want baby handed immediately to you after the birth with a warm blanket over bub.
4. Breast feed asap, make sure baby stays with you at all times if there is no medical reason to take him/her.

Best of luck and I hope you have a great birth

[Lulu]

I totally understand your reluctance to enter a hospital let alone an operating theatre. Certain smells of the hospital can get my heart racing.

Have you thought about using the principles of hypnobirthing to help you through?

[BellyBelly]

Yep I agree with Lulu thought I posted it but very tired. Even in the case of c/s if you need one, calmbirth can help, if you can't afford a course, you can buy the Hypnobirthing Book (mongan method) to help you.

[KimB]

I don't understand why you can't have a VB. Sure you tore but lots of women do and go on to have other VB's.

I myself had to have the episiotomy from hell with my first, but I am now having my 5th baby and had all my others vaginally. I had worse than a 3rd degree tear with the episiotomy and many years later discovered that they hadn't sewn my pelvic floor muscles back together when they sewed me up. Was soo lucky not to have had any other problems.

I would discuss with your OB why you can't have a VB before they decide to go CS.

Good luck with your talk

Kim

[Brenda Manning]

Hi Helen,

The best advice I can give you is to have a serious talk with your OB & have your DH present. Book a double appt so that you & the Dr have plenty of time to discuss it & lay it all out on the table.

The consolation I see with you carrying twins is that they are likely to be smaller than your first baby because there are 2 of them & often twins come earlier than 40 weeks.
Therefore less chance of a vaginal tear.

You sound resigned to a C/S. So if that's your preference over a vb then at least have the C/S the way you want it to happen.

Good luck
Brenda

[*Belle*]

Helen mate, I agree have a serious talk with your OB and have DH present.

The anethetist is able to do 1/2 spinal and 1/2 epidural, I was offered it at my hospital, however in the end chose to have just a spinal for my c/s this time with Tara. My question I would ask your OB is the reason why you felt things last time? If it has to do with the anesthetic can they use a different type? for example I had fentenyl not morphine as im allergic to morphine due to my asthma and excema.

I had huge fears of Tara's c/s birth after Julia's traumatic labour and emergency c/s. I saw my psychologist and talked to her weekly for weeks and weeks about preparing myself for the c/s, I do recommend counselling to prepare yourself, it was very beneficial for me. We worked out what I was scared of and then made sure that I kept telling myself that every birth is different, this is Tara's birth not Julia's and kept focusing on that and positive affirmations. Also you could have hypnotherapy done too to help relax you before the birth, I have had relaxation hypnotherapy done to help me with my driving, my psychologist does it as a form of relaxation meditiation and when in the state of relaxation she would insert a paragraph like you will not be scared of the c/s, this birth will be healthy and safe etc etc...just a thought on how to help you. Im always here if you need to chat ok?

Bel
xxx

[**Helen**]

Thanks so much guys for your responses.

I really dont know about a VBAC. When I had Bella I had an angled episiotomy(not the straight one) as she got stuck and came out posterior but also head sideways, with the use of forceps. Instead of me tearing off the episiotomy, all of my skin etc just shattered. Apparently it was not just a tear, they said I shattered. I had internal tears aswell as the ones on the outside. I get fissures a lot easier aswell.

I really think a double appointment and also a big talk to my aneasthetist would help. I am hoping to look into the calming aspect, because I think it would really help.

The hospital is REALLY supportive in c/s births. I had the option to see Eithan born, but couldnt deal with it, and would have been able to hold him straight away, but I just couldnt deal with a crying baby while I was having so much trouble. I was able to hold him skin to skin as soon as I got to recovery as I felt better. I was also able to hold him for the bed trip back up to the ward and into my room. They didnt take him away from me once, and really encouraged the time together and BF, however the BF took me a while to feel up to, but they are really good with the whole bonding process. He was only taken to be weighed, and that was in a set of scales brought into my room.

So I know that they have good c/s practices, it is just getting over the anxiety of it all, at the moment, I think.

Again, sorry for no personals. But you have all helped me soooo much. I truly appreciate all of your thoughts on this matter. Will update again after I see my OB.

[**Helen**]

HI guys, had my OB visit and it turns out both of the twins are extremely unco-operative with their placement. Presenting twin is bum breech and the other is transverse. So no vbac anyway. Plus after discussions I have decided to have a c/s. The Ob was lovely she is booking me in to see the aneasthetist early so that I can have a big chat to them about what happened last time and what we can do to stop it happening again.

I have been meditating and visuallising a nice experience, and all in all am feeling a lot better. I am sure I will be nervous on the day, but that's normal.

Thank-you so much for all of your support. Cant wait to post my birth story, hopefully it's better than the last one.

[*Belle*]

Mate

I have been wondering how you were going and so happy to hear that you have been meditating and visualising a good birth for your twins! Thats excellent that you can have a good chat with your Anethetist I totally reccomend it, I spoke with mine twice 3 days before and he gave me time to decide what I wanted to chose with the drug options of epi or epi/spinal or just spinal block and gave me the pros and cons for all three options and then saw me an hour before Tara's birth to confirm I still have the same decision and then assured me everything was going to be fine in the anethetist room when he gave me the spinal.

I hope the chat with the anethetist goes well.

Bel
xxx

[Nadine216]

Glad your chat with the OB went well

Hope all goes just the way you want it with the birth

Goodluck!

[Midwife Melissa]

Helen,

you're comparing CS with VBAC assuming that you will have another third degree tear. You may not have a tear at all! There are techniques you can use in your labour and during pushing that will minimise any tearing and leave you feeling more empowered and in control. Many women have third degree tears and go on to have vaginal births with minimal tearing. In 8 years, I have never seen a third degree tear repeat itself.
Good luck with whatever you decide and feel free to PM me if you need.