Thanks so much guys for your responses.

I really dont know about a VBAC. When I had Bella I had an angled episiotomy(not the straight one) as she got stuck and came out posterior but also head sideways, with the use of forceps. Instead of me tearing off the episiotomy, all of my skin etc just shattered. Apparently it was not just a tear, they said I shattered. I had internal tears aswell as the ones on the outside. I get fissures a lot easier aswell.

I really think a double appointment and also a big talk to my aneasthetist would help. I am hoping to look into the calming aspect, because I think it would really help.

The hospital is REALLY supportive in c/s births. I had the option to see Eithan born, but couldnt deal with it, and would have been able to hold him straight away, but I just couldnt deal with a crying baby while I was having so much trouble. I was able to hold him skin to skin as soon as I got to recovery as I felt better. I was also able to hold him for the bed trip back up to the ward and into my room. They didnt take him away from me once, and really encouraged the time together and BF, however the BF took me a while to feel up to, but they are really good with the whole bonding process. He was only taken to be weighed, and that was in a set of scales brought into my room.

So I know that they have good c/s practices, it is just getting over the anxiety of it all, at the moment, I think.

Again, sorry for no personals. But you have all helped me soooo much. I truly appreciate all of your thoughts on this matter. Will update again after I see my OB.