I just agreed to have a section... but I dont want it...

[rufalina]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I have been reading them through the afternoon and taking all of your thoughts in. Means a lot . I also did a good amount of cathartic cleaning and washing and crying, so am feeling a little more stable. Still not decisive, but more settled.

Last time I had an elective section on my edd. It was done as my body does not handle physical stress well, which is why we are talking going early again. My edd is 24/12, and that is not possible to have the section electively on that day at the hospital.

My OB is 100% behind my VBAC, and infact he said if I am not 100% with the decision to have the section on Friday I should wait till the 4th. But, on the 4th I would have to be admitted as an emergency and wait for a surgery slot and a bed, and it would be with his locum. Trish, you are right, he did make it sound hard and painful and inconvenient, but more for me than him.

I think, the thing I have come to over the course of the afternoon, is that part of this is about me, and part of this is about everyone else. As far as the family goes, I know logically, that having the section on Friday will be the best thing. I have DH with me on holidays for 3 weeks, and then my mum for the next 2. So I will not be alone to deal with my recovery, and to entertain DS1. I also know I healed well last time, and that, really when I look back on it, I had a really great section experience. It was positive, and I know I can have that again.

My part is that I am the the one having the concerns about the never "birthing" my babies, but that is a personal thing that I am going to have to come to terms with. But this is the thing holding me back. I am pretty sure I can find a way to live with it, but ugh, there is still the what if... But again, I look at DS1 and he is perfect, even with the elective section, and I wonder why I am holding back...

Bub is ROA, and very high, and has been for months. He hasn't moved at all. I have done all I can think of (thanks to spinning babies), to help him come forward and down, swimming, on all fours, pelvic rocking, sitting positions etc, but still nothing. My OB says cause I didn't labour at all last time, this is kind of like first time again, which is why he thinks I am not really going to go anywhere.

Going to have a good chat to DH tonight, and try and get him to stop being "supportive" by doing what I want, and to really talk it through with me.

Will keep you all posted, and thank you again for your understanding.

[Laranna]

Ruf...it sounds like you know what is right for you but that doesn't negate all your feelings about it all. We are here to help you work through it though. Sending you labour vibes before Friday Will be thinking of you xox

[{sarah}]

My part is that I am the the one having the concerns about the never "birthing" my babies, but that is a personal thing that I am going to have to come to terms with. But this is the thing holding me back. I am pretty sure I can find a way to live with it, but ugh, there is still the what if... But again, I look at DS1 and he is perfect, even with the elective section, and I wonder why I am holding back...

This is the biggest issue for most c/s mummies. It is hard, very very hard to reconcile yourself with the fact that you had no part in your baby coming into the world out of your body. Now you have the added challenge of trying to do that in the next few days. Can you make a birth plan that allows you skin to skin contact straight away? You mentioned that as an issue for you. Do you think that maybe having a maternal assisted c/s would help? Maybe that will help with the "I did it" feeling, if you help pull bub out of your body?

At the end of the day you have to decide what you can live with, what your heart & mind can cope with as well as your body. You know your body can handle a c/s, you've been there & done that already, you just have to work out what is best for your emotionally now. FWIW, I've decided on an elective c/s for this little one because I know my heart would just break if I had another failed VBAC attempt.

[AliB]

Ruf

I've seen some of your posts in the past and noted your 'aiming for a VBAC' sig... so sorry to hear how things are going.

I wanted to post because I think you have the same OB as me - Dr Morris? He's a good bloke and I understand why you're guided by his advice. And also I know that his advice is never pushy, just gently guiding and very supportive. Also that you have medical issues to deal with that Dr M would no doubt have been working with you on... so I totally understand it's not as simple as getting a second opinion or ignoring a 'knife-happy' OB

When I saw Dr M yesterday I was shocked to hear that my bub has gone to breech after 2 months of being 'fully engaged', and was amazed at what he said to me: "Don't worry, your baby will turn... I want you to picture him turning, visualise yourself standing up and giving birth to your baby head first..." (as i'd just been quizzing him about birth positions). So I think you're in great hands really and I understand why you'd be keen to stick with him and not a locum.

What made an impression on me in your last post is something you said that I'm already telling myself "just in case" : "But again, I look at DS1 and he is perfect, even with the elective section, and I wonder why I am holding back..."

All the best with your tough decisions and I hope to meet you and your perfect new December or January baby in the inner west 'walking' group in 2010

xoxo

[~Trish~]

I can so feel your struggle . You really have done everything to get your bub to move, well done . If you decide to go for the c/s on Friday then you have made a very well thought-out choice and you know the outcome will be great (your beautiful bub will be here and you'll have lots of help and support).

I hope that by talking it through with your DH you will find peace whichever decision you make. Whichever one you decide on will be right

[rufalina]

After another day sitting with this I am getting more comfortable with the decision to go forward tomorrow. And truth be told, a I am a little excited too... I get to meet this wiggly little man, and to get know him... And that is a good feeling...

Logically I can rationalise it all out, and I know in time I will find peace with the decision in myself. It may be some time before I can read all the happy birth stories threads, but I will get back there one day.

The one thing that is making it easier to work through is knowing that I am not the only one that feels like this, and I truly appreciate that you have all shared with me and helped me work through this. No matter what your circumstances or outcomes. Thank you

[smiles4u]

Awww Rufalina , ... that exciting feeling is telling you that you have made the best decision for you & bub (and lets not forget DH, LOL ), and more to the point if you are feeling at peace within yourself about it all right now then that's an even bigger confirmation it truly is the BESTEST decision ever

.... All my most warmest heartfelt wishes coming you way for now and especially tomorrow

[Arimeh]

Good luck tomorrow honey xxxx

Don't forget - if you need it - the debriefing section will always be there for you - I've used it just a couple of times myself

[thepixie]

Ruf I wanted to post last night but I didn't have time... and I didn't know what to say! I had Dr M too, and he is certainly a low intervention kind of guy so you know he is not just trying to hustle you into a section. I'm glad you're feeling comfortable about it, and how exciting, you get to meet your new little guy tomorrow!
All the best babe, looking forward to reading that BA xxx