Looking for Support in Repeat c/s Decision

[scooby]

Hi Jessica
Yes i felt abit the same way im still very undecided, mine not being a vbac as i had a vb last time (but v. bad tear) but i have been advised by 3 different obs now to have a CS.
I found a great lack of support on the web, and alot of people with very very strong view points, that almost border on being abusive. I found i got so frustrated that i didnt even want to post on this topic any more, that i would come to my own conclusion. I really hate also that people "hijack" so called support threads! I had a discussion in the cs support with hoobly which was great, to me she had her views but put them across in a none threatening way, that we could actually discuss the issue. The thing alot of these vigialantes dont get is that when they come on ranting and raving i will not even listen or finish reading what they have to say.
It is wonderful that most women get to experience a fantastic, beautiful empowering birth, but for some of us its just not like that. I really dont want to hear from anyone who has had that kind of birth comment on my descion beacuse they have not experienced what you or i have! Be strong and know that you are doing what is best for you personally. And really the birth is only the beginning of something its not the be all and end all. I had a very traumatic experience and didnt get to hold or feed my son for a few days and we have a wonderful bond and i dont believe it would be any different if the birth was different.
Stay strong with your choice it is after all your choice It is those negative comments and the "you shouldves" that make us doubt ourselves. You have made an informed decision, good luck

[jessica]

HI Scooby, Thank you for your support.
Yes I find it very frustrating when people go on and on about how vb is so great & natural for everyone, all they need is support, doesn't matter how big the baby, it's all natural whether you tear, get poked & prodded, get incontinence etc etc. Some just push their baby out, big or not, and that's great for them. If i felt confident that i could do that i would be giving it a go.
You had a very traumatic experience, precisely what I fear of a vb & partly why i have chosen a c/s. Of course, it's not the easy way out by any means but, to me, is safer because I know my body can handle it & recovered very well the first time. I have weighed up the risks & know what I can handle.
Were you given the option of an episiotomy or did the tear just happen so quickly? That must be so painful & undignified. My mother had a bad time having me, episiotomy & forceps with no pain killers At ALL so me being the same size as her & having big babies, well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to predict it would be a struggle. I believe her when she tells me how bad it was & she wanted to die. I also believe the obs aren't all out to make us have c/s for their convenience. They want us to have a good experience & avoid possible complications of vb if that's what we choose.
Whatever you decide will be the best for you, either way. You might want to try again & pray that it will go better & it just might you never know.

[~clover~]

I just want to say congratulations on making a decision you are happy with & good luck with the birth & everything after.
I hope all goes as planned & baby waits til the set date!

[AnyDream]

Jessica, having my 1st baby vaginally was probably the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced in my life (very late induction with all sorts of interventions), it took me years to get over it and the ONLY way I was ever going to have a second baby was by maternally requested CS. It turned out to be a really empowered, whole and healing experience for me. I was very uncluttered in my birth plan and was able to request skin to skin contact in theatre, keeping my baby with me and breastfeeding in recovery (this was in a public hospital too). The physical side of my recovery was quite slow as I developed an infection in my wound, but I was well supported at home this time too so nearly a year on I'm far more happy and 'intact' as a person than I was after my first birth.

So for me, having a CS the second time was a very positive experience. I was however very clear about the respect and consideration that I expected the staff to show me at all times and I spoke with them about it each time I was at the hospital. I encourage you to approach your own CS with the same attitude -just because it's a CS doesn't mean you no longer have any choices, or that you're handing your personal power over to the doctors. It can be an empowered decision. Good luck!

[scooby]

Hi Jessica
i actually was given an episotomy first but sorry TMI my perineum is about 5mm long (normal is 3-6cm) so the episotomy just aided the whole process, in saying that from all my research, things were not in my favour to begin with basically all the risk factors for a bad tear were in play, i was induced 14 days after my due date ( DS was only 3759grams though), i had a epidural, so i was on my back, DS was posterior in position and couldnt be moved, i had a vacumn extraction and of course the episotomy. Now i know someone is going to come on and say im scaremongering, BUT that was just my experience and guess what i DIDNT have an ob right until the very end when DS went into distress, so obs really arnt the villans here. The reason why i think there is such a back lash against obs is NOT the fault of the ob but of women who are uninformed. If you go to most obs and tell them your birth plan most (infact all of friends ive talked to) will go with it and our quite happy in doing so. The problem is that alot of women just go in with the get this baby out attitude (i was one of them) lets be honest to go through with a vbac or complicated birth you have to be real clued up, have practiced and rehearsed positions etc. alot of women dont have the education and arent prepared to put in what is needed and the obs dont want the complications if the person is not prepared. (hope im making sense as i tend to ramble ) My feelings are that there is too many people with the blame someone else attitude and obs are an easy target. i dont know about you but my ob is an angel, she has been so supportive, i have her home number her mobile and pretty much access any time i need, i was told she would treat you like a sister and that is exactly how it feels.
Thanks so much for starting this thread and to all the wonderful ladies who have contributed. we, as women should be supporting one another we may not agree on the plan of action we each take but it is our own journey and we should respect that.

[Gab]

Just wondering, was your baby as big as they predicted? And also, how close to 40 wks were you when you had the baby? I'm not sure yet when the ob wants to deliver.

Hi Jess,
My c/s was scheduled at exactly 38 weeks and for some reason I wasn't worried about going into labour early - with my first pregnancy I was induced at 41 weeks when there was no sign of labour starting. I guess If I had gone into labour early, I would have just gone with whatever happened.

My baby was 8 pounds 3 ounces, which is big but not huge, and no doubt he would have been big like his brother after another 3 weeks gestation.

The convenience factor was very important to me, and I am conscious of it sounding like a poor reason not to have a natural birth, but for me it took away the stress of the unpredictability and the worry of how my son would be going with whoever was looking after him.

One thing that was very important to me on the day of DS2's birth was to have him with me in recovery, which I didn't have the first time round. They could accommodate this at Sandringham Hospital and it was wonderful to have Aaron in my arms and feeding so soon after his birth.

It's coming up to his first birthday (30/8) and I look back on the day he was born as such a relaxing, special time!

Cheers
Gab

[maustin]

Hi I'm Meg and just have a few little questions for those who have had a C.

Im 26 with a 14 month old and 21 weeks preg. I had a hell of a time having Roman and from that I know MUST have a C this time. I know very little about them and in some ways that is good and bad.

My son was born in a small country hospital (part of the reason of having a bad birth) with a local doc. This time I'm booked into the priv hosp under an OBG.

Having said that I was wondering is there anything you can do to help witht he opp or anything I can do to deal with it any better??

Thanks for taking the time to read or reply to this.

Meg

[Salsa]

hey Meg,
I think you`ll be able to find a few other threads that have woman asking the same questions as you about how to prepare for a c.s, so have a look for them on here too

With my c.s it was elective and i think this really helped in my recovery, because i was able to prepare mentally for that and as others have said, its a huge weight off your shoulders knowing what to expect.
See if your dr/hospital can give you a tour of the operating theatre and let you know where you`ll go for prep and recovery etc. Mine did this and it was good to see where it would all be happening - that way too I wasnt in for a shock on D day when I saw the big white sterile room that it all happens in!
Basically, they will give you an appointment time often 1 -2 wks pre edd. You go in and get prepared and then they operate. They put up a screen so you cannot see the 'goo'. It all takes about 20 mins. Then you will go into recovery and your baby should be with you. After an hr or 2 you will be taken to your room. You`ll have a catheter, and drip and drugs atached to you, and they probably wont let you have anything to eat until they have it confirmed from you that you have 'passed wind'. Later in the day or usually the next day you will be told to get up and shower etc because the movement is good for your healing. In this intial recover day or 2 its often hard to pick up your baby, but they should be right there beside you or in bed with you if the nurse gives them to you. And there should be no reason that breastfeeding isnt begun as soon as your surgery has all been finished up.
Recovery time for everyone is different but by 6-8 wks you should be able to drive, carry out washing etc. But take it very easy in the first week if you can. Your bodies got a bit of work to do!

As C.s is what I know, having an elective one next time certainly has its appeal! It really doesnt need to be a traumatic experience. Keep asking questions and still have a think about a birth plan even for a c.s.
All the best.

[AnyDream]

Meg, there's a fantastic book called "Delivery by Appointment" about C/S in Australia. It goes through all the things that can happen and also has a few tips to help you be prepared. I highly recommend that you get a copy of this and read it so that you can be sure you have made an informed decision.

[~mamaspice~]

I second Marydean. Delivery By Apppointment is a very good read.

Jessica, I wish you all the best for the CS birth of your baby.

[NaeNae]

Hey Jess,

Elective C Section (ECS) or VBAC, you know what ..... at the end of the day, no matter which way you sway, everybody wants the same thing - a beautiful healthy bouncing baby. I personally do not care whether my future babies come out the sunroof or through the tunnel providing I get one that I can bring home and watch grow.

If this is the decision you have made, having been though the process yourself then you know what you are in for. Nobody in their right mind would elect to go through major abdominal surgery without doing research for the pro's and con's. Our bodies can only put up with so much.

So by electing this birth choice, I believe you have done the research, know the risks for this pregnancy and all others in future and have come up with the decision YOU are most comfortable with. Nobody pro or against has the right to knock you for that. Your Body, Your Choice.

I have had an em c-sec and have found more support for VBAC next time rather than ECS, but at the end of the day each person needs to do what is right for them and their baby.

I don't feel that bagging (even snide remarks) for either choice is healthy nor is going to benefit either side of the arguement. People need to respect others opinions even when they differ from their own.

Best of luck with your continued pregnancy, I look forward to hearing your story once your bub is born. I also hope that bub stays put and doesn't try to surprise you early

Nae x x

[PamyK]

Hi Jessica,

My first baby had to be delivered by cs because I wouldn't dialate - even after 19 hrs on oxytocian. I laboured 3 days and only dialted 3cm's in that time - I had things strapped to me, probes put on my babies head and my movements were extremely restricted - all because I wouldn't dialate - baby was fine, I was fine.

when I was preg with my son I was determined to go VBAC- I spoke with midwifes up at my hospital to discuss it and they advised me that I would be heavily monitored, would be bed bound for labour as because I had previously had cs there is a risk of tearing scaring area and bleeding internally which can lead to death. They gave me all my options - they said if I wanted to do it naturally that was fine, but wanted me to understand the process fully.

The thought of once again being bed bound with probes everywhere and not even being able to have a shower or bath during labour really made me stop and think...... what if once again I didn't dialate? what if once again I would end up having cs anyway... should I risk my baby and my health to satisfy what I thought everyone else thinks I should do, or should I do what I feel comfortable with.

I chose cs and I have never looked back since. The recovery time from my first cs was about 6 weeks before I could fully move around properly - with my second is was within a week. My body wasn't exhausted from labouring, and I was able to control the cs a lot better. the staff were better prepared for me, I had the right dosage of drugs, the longer needle for my epi, I had stockings for my legs and I even got to choose having staples instead of stitches - not to mention I was more relaxed because I knew when my baby was coming. I felt more confortable and in control than if I left it to chance.

I recently had a mc where I ended up haemoraging and I learnt that this little black duck is not meant to do things the natural way. I got to experience 1/10 of pain again from labour and after that realised that "you can stick your natural birth" - I am a cs girl all the way. I am aware there are risks to it, but in all honesty there a risks in all forms of birthing.

But what it comes down to Jessica is what you feel comfortable with, it's about what you want and what is best for you and your baby.

I am trying for another baby and I will be choosing cs without any hesitation - I know what to expect, and I know that me and my doctors will be prepared. I personally would rather have them fully prepared for me instead of having to do it on the fly, because that ended up being scary when they had to do me in a rush.

Hope this helps you in some way.

[LisaL]

Hi Jess,

Good on you for making your decision, for whatever your reason. If you want a particular type of birth, then you should be able to have it without judgement. And if you are scared of VBAC or interventions, then dont even think about it, go straight to c/s. I laboured for 27hours with DD and had emergency c/s anyway. I hated all the prodding, poking and hand shoving by the OB, so if your birth experience is going to be calmer, and you more relaxed, then c/s is for you. Power to you honey!!

Dont worry sweets, there are plenty of women who think that just because we were made to birth vaginally we have to do it at whatever the cost physically and emotionally.

Let us know how you go...
Lisa

[Turkish Delight]

Hi,

I have had 2 c/s and have never looked back. I too, am a big scardy cat but all in all i believe it is no different to a VB, the end result is the same. You get to meet your bub which ever way.

I had a choice too as Ela was head down and i could have had a VB but why? My 1st c/s went too well, so i had the same with Ela. Do not regret it at all.

Goodluck!

[*Belle*]

Jess

2 weeks ago I had a repeat c/s after doing research like you. My first child was born by emergency c/s after 32 hours of labour again. I decided due to my PND and anxiety I did not want to go for VBAC also as I was told the chances of VBAC for me were slim as my firstborn got stuck in my pelvis it would likely end up in c/s anyway.

My choice for elective c/s this time two weeks ago for the birth of Tara was the best decision I ever made it was easy, stress free and the recovery was great, I was off all painkillers in 4 days. And we are breastfeeding well and she is already 300g over her birthweight and is 2 1/2 weeks old. I couldnt be happier with my decision and how we both are going and how we both have recovered.

I hope that my birth story of Tara helps you support your decision.

Bel
xxx

[ninja_turtle]

The most important thing in my mind is this:

You are not a failed woman or mummy for going c/s the second time.

I imagine a lollipop land where I could VBAC and everything would be beautiful but I already instinctually know it won't happen.

For my first, I was a birth centre patient, perfect pregnancy, healthy, head in the right place (mine and his)... but no... failed to progress 25 hours later.

Now, the boy was 10lbs 8oz -- yes, good odds of having another massive kid if i go down that road again. Would I VBAC... no, not safe in my eyes.

Some people I know VBAC'd beautifully at home, others had the same roaring vaginal birth disaster ending in em-c.

I know for me I felt ripped off the first time, but I would feel WORSE if my pelvis wasn't right for the baby's head this time too.

This is a long post, huh?

Main thing - go with your instincts, because they are right.

[Nr3 on the way]

I considered VBAC very strongly for my second pregnancy and was all for it until 35 weeks. Had long discussions with my husband and Obstetrician. The Obstetrician was 100% for me going for it but also honest that in my situation there was a 70% chance of having a c-section in any case after long labor. (had pre eclampsia again and also a hip dislocation problem i was born with) No one can predict how your body will react and how things will go. I chose C-section again - knew what to expect and how my body would be after a C-section. It all worked out very well and i'm glad i went the route i knew. I am due in February for my 3rd c-section and more scared of this one only due to the fact that i have 2 other children at home and will need help.

Wish you all the best on your decision

[Lily J]

All the best Jessica - it is your body, your baby and completely your decision.

I know when I had our DD via C-section, the first thing everybody asked was 'why'...I got upset at first, and then mad... I guess I figured because I never questioned anybody's decision/ability to have a vaginal birth that I was really disappointed that others thought they were better equipped or better educated to make judgements about my body than I am...

Belle and Turkish Delight - here-here!

Take care Jessica,
Lily