Looking for Support in Repeat c/s Decision

[jessica]

I have recently decided to have a repeat c/s instead of try for VBAC after much consideration & research into the options available.
I was wondering if there is anyone else who has come to this conclusion now or previously who would like to chat about reasons etc. I have found alot of support on this forum for those choosing to try for VBAC but not much for those going the other way.

hope to make contact soon.
Jess

[Sarah_090708]

Hi Jess,

At the moment i'm not in the same situation as you i have only juat had my first bub, but after having a c/s for him it has made me think about the next bub and how i will birth my next child, like you i am swaying more towards the repeat c/s, obviously it would be such a shame to not know what it is like to have a vb but just the thought of the scar rupturing scares the hell out of me . (I'm a big scardy cat)

But already i know what you mean by the some what lack of support, even from family and friends, when i have mentioned the possibility of having a c/s for the next one, most people have said to me just wait and see what happens, they wont even really discuss it with me. But even though i have only just had my first child, if i do decide to def have a c/s with the next one then there will be some organising i need to do to prepare my self (physically and emotionally) for what will be waiting ahead and also the recovery..etc (and i know this will take a while for me to be in the right frame of mind)

I would be interested to know what it is that has swayed you towards the repeat c/s.. I haven't researched the different options thoroughly but i have had a quick look at some of the pro's and con's...

- Sarah

[saslia]

I had an elective c/s with DS for a few reasons and have not for 1 minute regretted it. I do not feel less of a bond, less of a women, we had no trouble breastfeeding (he had his first feed within the first hour and is still going at 13 months). Recovery was easier than with DD.

It also made organinising DD and DSC and DH's work much easier, and visitors (we live 2 hrs away from my family).

I know what you mean about BB being very pro VBACS which is great if it is right for you but there is also support for you if it is not.

Best of luck!!!!

[MantaRay]

Jessica, I am sure you will find that everyone here will support you in your decision. It is your decision and we totally respect that. There are lots of discussions about VBAC, because it's usually those choosing to try for a VBAC who feel the lack of support. There is also a lot of misinformation about VBAC, and we want women to be able to make informed decisions. Believing that a c/s is safer than a VBAC in all situations is not making an informed decision because it's not true. But if you are making an informed decision (which you seem to be) and you are totally at peace with it, good for you. I wish you all the very best and I commend you for seeking information and owning your choices. And I wish you all the very best.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Good for you on deciding how you want to birth after thinking and researching and going for it! I can't think of anyone who would tell you off for that.

If I'd have had a section with DS and still had a uterus then I'd be having a repeat section because I couldn't cope with that again. But because I only just avoided it (and the hysterectomy at the same time) I'm not going to even think about a hospital, because I cannot cope with that again.

[SamanthaP]

It sounds like you have made a decision to have a repeat C/S, which is great and I'm sure you'll be able to plan an experience that suits your needs. By all means, own your decision and be happy with the path that you have chosen, but don't do other women a disservice by promoting fallacies and fear-mongering about VBAC. The balance of evidence is in VBAC's favour. I wish you well.

[Schmickers]

The decision between a VBAC and a caesarean is a highly emotive one, and often leads to heated debates. Jessica asked for support in her decision to have a caesarean, and this is the Caesarean Section Support forum. Please ensure your posts in this thread are supportive.

And Jess - Mantaray was simply explaining why, as you put it, you have found lots of support for VBAC and less so for those choosing to have a caesarean. She wasn't being critical of your choice, and she wasn't suggesting that you thought that VBAC was better in all situations - she was speaking hypothetically. As you will recall, she posted:

But if you are making an informed decision (which you seem to be) and you are totally at peace with it, good for you. I wish you all the very best and I commend you for seeking information and owning your choices. And I wish you all the very best.

Lets all stay civil in this thread, shall we?

[SamanthaP]

I do wish you well, Jessica, I'm sure I said that in my post. Do you think you could go and edit out the misinformation and unsupportive commnets in the VBAC support threads perhaps?

[Salsa]

Im in the process of working out whether to cs#2 or vbac.
Im going with the intention of vbac at this stage.

I think I can understand why with your next one you are feeling towards a cs#2.

My DS was elective and (I have never laboured ) and the experience was all good and fine for me. I thought for a number of years that I might just c.s next time round but now that im here Im not so sure. Theres lots of research and mental and physical prep I feel I need to do for a vbac and then theres still no guarantee I wont have another c.s anyway.
That stresses me out and upsets me - not because I miss out on a vaginal birth, but because its hard work preparing for having a baby, and even harder when you have to chuck a previous c.s (with no labour experience ) into it.
I have friends who have birthed vaginally with some absolute horror stories, but I still want to see if I can deliver vaginally.
I have family members who have opted for cs#2 and 3 & 4 & even 5!!!. It went good for all of them.

Augh, its tough isnt it? Trying to figure it all out and do what you believe is best and dealing with fear. Well thats how I feel anyhow.

I know there are other woman on this site who have choosen to have a repeat c.s, so dont worry, Im sure you`ll find support here if thats what you choose to do. Even if its not to everyones liking, they are not you and you need to choose whats right for you at this stage in your life.
Ultimatly we should be supporting each other in childbearing whatever the way its done.

[jessica]

Thank you to everyone who has commented on my post, i am overwhelmed that so many of you are supportive. Yes it has been a long road to come to this decision but the main reasons i have are as follows;
* I had a traumatic time with my first pregnancy & birth
* I like to know what is going to happen & when
* I have experienced c/s so know exactly what to expect
* I recovered very well after the initial pain wore off (it was terrible at the time)
* I don't want to have a difficult labour & risk tearing etc
* I don't want to end up with an emergency c/s
* I don't want to go through labour with continuous monitoring (which my ob would organise)
* I trust my ob (much to the dismay of others on some threads) & his experience
* I don't want to risk a uterine scar rupture (even if the risk is low it does happen)
* I am scared about medical interventions such as vacuum suction
* Last but not least, I prefer a planned c/s for the birth of my baby because I am more comfortable with that & I don't care what others think!!!

To MantaRay, I don't remember saying that i think c/s is safer in all circumstances than VBAC, did I?
I am only talking about my decision & that it is the best for ME. I am not commenting on the safety of either way for other women, just what I have decided based on advice from my ob, husband & family.

[Gab]

Hi Jess,

I had an emergency caesar first time round due to foetal distress. When I became pregnant the second time round four years later I was encouraged by the obstetrician (public hospital) to have a repeat caesar as, among other reasons, my baby was looking like another big one (the first was 9 pounds 2 ounces).

Whilst a VBAC would have been an option if I'd been determined to go down that path, I chose a caesar for many of the same reasons as you've outlined - I didn't want to go through hours of labour only to end up in surgery again. Also, I had limited support available to look after my other child and it really helped to be able to plan for his care.

On the day, the experience for my partner and I was wonderful, if a little surreal - getting up in the morning and thinking "I'm going to have my baby today".

I do sometimes wonder how things might have been if I'd made a different decision, but both my boys are healthy and happy, and like others have said, that's all that matters in the end. For some reason people feel free to question our judgement as parents - but stick to your decision Jess and do what you feel is right for you and your family.

Good luck
Gab

[jessica]

HI Gab, Thank you for sharing your experience.
That's great to know that you had a wonderful birth & you don't regret your decision.
I really want to enjoy this birth as well, as much as possible because last time was so stressful. I had already been in hospital for a while before the c/s so, although it was planned I didn't know what I was in for IFKWIM.
Just wondering, was your baby as big as they predicted? And also, how close to 40 wks were you when you had the baby? I'm not sure yet when the ob wants to deliver.
I understand about it being more convenient as well, just knowing the day for the birth will be so much easier than waiting to go into labor (unless it happens earlier). Which is another question, did you think about what you would do if you went into labor early?
talk soon

[Gab]

Just wondering, was your baby as big as they predicted? And also, how close to 40 wks were you when you had the baby? I'm not sure yet when the ob wants to deliver.

Hi Jess,
My c/s was scheduled at exactly 38 weeks and for some reason I wasn't worried about going into labour early - with my first pregnancy I was induced at 41 weeks when there was no sign of labour starting. I guess If I had gone into labour early, I would have just gone with whatever happened.

My baby was 8 pounds 3 ounces, which is big but not huge, and no doubt he would have been big like his brother after another 3 weeks gestation.

The convenience factor was very important to me, and I am conscious of it sounding like a poor reason not to have a natural birth, but for me it took away the stress of the unpredictability and the worry of how my son would be going with whoever was looking after him.

One thing that was very important to me on the day of DS2's birth was to have him with me in recovery, which I didn't have the first time round. They could accommodate this at Sandringham Hospital and it was wonderful to have Aaron in my arms and feeding so soon after his birth.

It's coming up to his first birthday (30/8) and I look back on the day he was born as such a relaxing, special time!

Cheers
Gab

[maustin]

Hi I'm Meg and just have a few little questions for those who have had a C.

Im 26 with a 14 month old and 21 weeks preg. I had a hell of a time having Roman and from that I know MUST have a C this time. I know very little about them and in some ways that is good and bad.

My son was born in a small country hospital (part of the reason of having a bad birth) with a local doc. This time I'm booked into the priv hosp under an OBG.

Having said that I was wondering is there anything you can do to help witht he opp or anything I can do to deal with it any better??

Thanks for taking the time to read or reply to this.

Meg

[Salsa]

hey Meg,
I think you`ll be able to find a few other threads that have woman asking the same questions as you about how to prepare for a c.s, so have a look for them on here too

With my c.s it was elective and i think this really helped in my recovery, because i was able to prepare mentally for that and as others have said, its a huge weight off your shoulders knowing what to expect.
See if your dr/hospital can give you a tour of the operating theatre and let you know where you`ll go for prep and recovery etc. Mine did this and it was good to see where it would all be happening - that way too I wasnt in for a shock on D day when I saw the big white sterile room that it all happens in!
Basically, they will give you an appointment time often 1 -2 wks pre edd. You go in and get prepared and then they operate. They put up a screen so you cannot see the 'goo'. It all takes about 20 mins. Then you will go into recovery and your baby should be with you. After an hr or 2 you will be taken to your room. You`ll have a catheter, and drip and drugs atached to you, and they probably wont let you have anything to eat until they have it confirmed from you that you have 'passed wind'. Later in the day or usually the next day you will be told to get up and shower etc because the movement is good for your healing. In this intial recover day or 2 its often hard to pick up your baby, but they should be right there beside you or in bed with you if the nurse gives them to you. And there should be no reason that breastfeeding isnt begun as soon as your surgery has all been finished up.
Recovery time for everyone is different but by 6-8 wks you should be able to drive, carry out washing etc. But take it very easy in the first week if you can. Your bodies got a bit of work to do!

As C.s is what I know, having an elective one next time certainly has its appeal! It really doesnt need to be a traumatic experience. Keep asking questions and still have a think about a birth plan even for a c.s.
All the best.

[scooby]

Hi Jessica
Yes i felt abit the same way im still very undecided, mine not being a vbac as i had a vb last time (but v. bad tear) but i have been advised by 3 different obs now to have a CS.
I found a great lack of support on the web, and alot of people with very very strong view points, that almost border on being abusive. I found i got so frustrated that i didnt even want to post on this topic any more, that i would come to my own conclusion. I really hate also that people "hijack" so called support threads! I had a discussion in the cs support with hoobly which was great, to me she had her views but put them across in a none threatening way, that we could actually discuss the issue. The thing alot of these vigialantes dont get is that when they come on ranting and raving i will not even listen or finish reading what they have to say.
It is wonderful that most women get to experience a fantastic, beautiful empowering birth, but for some of us its just not like that. I really dont want to hear from anyone who has had that kind of birth comment on my descion beacuse they have not experienced what you or i have! Be strong and know that you are doing what is best for you personally. And really the birth is only the beginning of something its not the be all and end all. I had a very traumatic experience and didnt get to hold or feed my son for a few days and we have a wonderful bond and i dont believe it would be any different if the birth was different.
Stay strong with your choice it is after all your choice It is those negative comments and the "you shouldves" that make us doubt ourselves. You have made an informed decision, good luck

[jessica]

HI Scooby, Thank you for your support.
Yes I find it very frustrating when people go on and on about how vb is so great & natural for everyone, all they need is support, doesn't matter how big the baby, it's all natural whether you tear, get poked & prodded, get incontinence etc etc. Some just push their baby out, big or not, and that's great for them. If i felt confident that i could do that i would be giving it a go.
You had a very traumatic experience, precisely what I fear of a vb & partly why i have chosen a c/s. Of course, it's not the easy way out by any means but, to me, is safer because I know my body can handle it & recovered very well the first time. I have weighed up the risks & know what I can handle.
Were you given the option of an episiotomy or did the tear just happen so quickly? That must be so painful & undignified. My mother had a bad time having me, episiotomy & forceps with no pain killers At ALL so me being the same size as her & having big babies, well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to predict it would be a struggle. I believe her when she tells me how bad it was & she wanted to die. I also believe the obs aren't all out to make us have c/s for their convenience. They want us to have a good experience & avoid possible complications of vb if that's what we choose.
Whatever you decide will be the best for you, either way. You might want to try again & pray that it will go better & it just might you never know.

[~clover~]

I just want to say congratulations on making a decision you are happy with & good luck with the birth & everything after.
I hope all goes as planned & baby waits til the set date!